


Custody

by Whumblr



Category: Original Work
Genre: Angst, Beating, Captivity, Electrocution, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Humiliation, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Character, Recovery, Rescue, Torture, Whipping, Whump
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-17
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:33:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 31
Words: 47,189
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25340185
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whumblr/pseuds/Whumblr
Summary: After a drug raid gone wrong, detective Nat Hirano is captured by the man they were trying to arrest, Eric Holton.Nat is trying to heal from their trauma and come to terms with what they experienced, but after confronting their former captor while he’s in police custody, they realise Eric still has a frightening grasp on them.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This started from a oneshot and grew into a multichapter series.

Nat took a few deep breaths, steeled themselves, and opened the door. A lone figure sat in the interrogation room, his hands cuffed to a bar on the table. The man barely even looked up, but his bored and spiritless demeanor quickly disappeared when he recognized the person entering and his eyes started to twinkle.

“Ah, detective. So glad you could come talk to me.” The man sat up a little straighter and looked at the door, expecting someone else to enter as well, but the detective closed the door and leaned against it.

“Well, I’m honestly surprised your colleagues would leave you alone with me. Again.”

He looked at the mirror to his right as he spoke, casting a somewhat accusing glance to the fellow police officers who he knew were watching his every move. But also every move of their colleague, he thought fondly.

Nat remained standing near the door, trying to create as much distance between them. They didn’t want to be in the same room as him again, but Eric had refused to speak to any other officer, and had just kept asking for his former victim.

“What do you want?” Nat simply said.

“Well, detective, as your colleagues caught me, the game is up. I think I should cooperate. I’ll confess to everything.”

“You don’t need to. We’ve got plenty of evidence against you.”

“Don’t be like that, dear, I’m trying to help you for once.” His voice and demeanor seemed innocent enough, but his smile didn’t reach his eyes which were shining with malice.

“You see, I think I want to get it all off my chest.” He leaned back a little, his eyes quickly glancing to the mirror again before they locked onto his former captive.  
“I must apologize for everything I did. Confess to how much I hurt you, how I made you scream, whimper… beg.” He let a pause fall between every word. “Say sorry for all the times I beat you into submission, made you bend to my will with a simple cut of the knife, controlled your every move-“

“Stop it,” Nat whispered.

“What’s that?” Eric demanded. The air around him shifted. He sat up and leaned forward. “I must have misheard you. You know how to address me.”

Nat shifted uncomfortably. They felt acutely aware of how all eyes in the room, and the next, were fixed on them. _Answer him_ , _don’t let him walk over you! You’re free now, he’s the one tied down for once!_

“Don’t tell me you forgot everything I taught you.” Eric broke the silence.

Nat felt their stomach drop. “You can’t hurt me anymore,” was all they could bring out, trying their best to keep their voice level.

Eric hummed and gave a little side nod in agreement; he pulled slightly at his cuffs.

He abruptly stood up, as far as his bound hands would let him. With a lot of noise he let his chair fall back, rattled the chains of the cuffs against the metal bar and banged his fists on the table.

“Do I need to remind you?!” he shouted and made himself seem as big as possible.

Nat jumped back in alarm. They quickly let themselves fall to the floor on their knees, adapting their usual form of surrender. “I’m sorry- I’m sorry, sir!”

“There, you see. I knew you hadn’t forgotten.”


	2. Impala

“That asshole is just toying with them. I knew this was a bad idea,” Thomas, their chief, grunted irritably. He was waiting in the observation room, along with the other officers who were just as worried. He had his arms crossed and tapped his foot, both in impatience and frustration. His eyes were fixed on Eric, who was barely keeping himself from licking his lips at the sight of the detective in the room. “Look at him! It’s like we threw an impala in a lion’s cage!”

“Give them a chance to respond, chief,” the detective’s partner, Jeff, gave a strained reply without taking his eyes off his friend. He was leaning forward against the glass and seemed equally tense but didn’t want to jump in just yet. He wanted to have faith that his partner could do this.

All of them jumped when Eric unexpectedly stood and started yelling. For a second they didn’t know what happened as Nat seemed to fall to the ground.

“Wait, did they faint?” Thomas bellowed, but Jeff didn’t wait and had already bolted out of the room.

“Nat?!” He threw the door open to the interrogation room and startled as he almost fell over Nat, who was kneeling on the floor, holding their head desperately in their hands, muttering in fear.

Jeff sank down to a knee and cradled them, but when they didn’t stop begging he grabbed their face in both hands and forced them to look up.

“Look at me,” he whispered softly. “I’m here, I’m with you, it’s okay.” He sank down in front of them, shielding them from Eric’s hungry eyes and making sure they didn’t have to look at their tormentor.

Another officer had followed and straightened the chair and checked Eric’s cuffs, before he gave him a look of utter disgust and retreated. On his way out, he was bluntly pushed out of the room by Thomas who stormed in.

“You absolute bastard,” he fumed. “What did you do to them?” His anger only flared when he looked down and saw the state his detective was in. He too stepped in front of the pair, shielding them both, and let Jeff try to calm them down.

“Why, I merely reminded them of the good times we had together. Isn’t that right, detective?”

Nat seemed to shrink even further when Eric started talking and whimpered a little at the sound of his voice. They muttered another soft ‘yes, sir’ when they heard him address them.

Hearing the whimpers and pleas only further enraged Thomas. He stepped forward, baring his teeth in a snarl and raised his fist, but one of the officers quickly held him back.

“Ah, assault of a suspect in custody can cost you your job, chief,” Eric taunted. He lazily sat back again and hadn’t even flinched when the chief went for him. “I also wager everything in this room is recorded so if I were you I would mind my tongue as well as my fists.”

“That stunt you pulled is also recorded and we’ll be sure to use it against you,” Thomas said through clenched teeth.

“Oh, I welcome it. Please, watch it again, together with your precious detective. It seems they need a reminder. Show it in court. Show the world what I reduced them to.”

Nat mewled. They hadn’t thought of a court case yet. It was bad enough that half the police force witnessed their weakness. They felt their partner’s fingers sink hard into their shoulders. He was trembling in fury.

“You fucking psycho,” Thomas bit at Eric.

“Perhaps you’d do better to look after your colleague instead of me.” Eric nodded at the trembling detective. “I wonder, would the public feel safe, knowing that weaklings like them are supposed to protect them from the wolves?”

Jeff had heard more than enough, but he had a hard time trying to coax Nat to stand up and leave. “Come on, get up, let’s get you out of here,” he whispered, his soothing tone growing more anxious and rushed.

But Nat clung against him, clutching at his clothes and kept silently sobbing, alternating between apologies and pleas. They suddenly felt a rough hand close around their arm and panicked for a second.

“No, p-please, I won’t forget, I swear!” They flailed slightly, thinking Eric had broken free, but it was Thomas who’d had enough and tried to pull them out of the room.

Eric looked on in silent delight. “You’re doing a way better job than I ever did,” he sneered and grinned at the tense reaction he provoked. Thomas tried to ignore him, but his set jaw and cut off growl were all the fuel Eric needed.

With his hand still around the detective arm, he pulled them up and threw their arm around his shoulders. He pulled the quivering mess close and guided them out of the room. Jeff followed closely.

“Till next time,” Eric called and with that he was alone again.

—

“Come on, just let go and sit down.” Thomas grunted and tried to pry Nat’s fingers off his shirt so he could lower them onto the bed. He’d carried them, a bit more gentle this time, to the small medical office in the station at the advice of Jeff, who’d just wanted to get them away from Eric as far as possible. Nat was still sobbing and didn’t want to let go.

“This is beyond us, we need some professional help with them,” Jeff said. He stepped forward and gently wrapped his hands around Nat’s shoulders, pulling them back against him chest, taking them over. They flinched, but relaxed again at the sound of their partner’s voice whispering comforting words. Slowly, they sat down, willing themselves to calm down.

“A shrink?” Thomas asked, a little relieved that Nat finally let him go. He didn’t know how to deal with this; it was much easier to hide his emotions in anger. God, how he wanted to go back and slam that bastard through the mirror in the interrogation room. Perhaps it was even worth his job to give him a taste of his own medicine.

“And what do we tell them? We don’t even know what that asshole did to Nat.”

“That we fucked up and let them be in the same room again with their abuser,” Jeff said, bitterly. He faced his friend, his eyes swimming in guilt.

“I’m so sorry, we should have known better,” He pulled them into a hug, felt the tense shoulders soften, the violent sobs finally fading to small hiccups.

“I will never put you through that again, I’m so sorry,” Jeff kept repeating. Nat nodded into his shoulder.

Thomas watched awkwardly. After a while he said: “I shouldn’t have pulled them away like that.” Eric’s words were still ringing in the back of his mind.

“No, you did what was necessary. It’s okay. We all don’t know how to handle this.”

They fell silent for a bit, just watching Nat as they slowly calmed down.

“He’s right about one thing, though.”

“Hm?”

“A trial would be devastating to them now.” 


	3. Reprieve

They hadn’t outright asked Nat to go in. After Eric’s long silence and refusal to talk to any of the other police officers, Nat had bravely offered that they would go talk to him. At first, their idea was rejected immediately. “Don’t you dare go near him again, Nat,” his colleagues had even said. “We’ll solve this.” A little relieved, Nat had agreed, but Eric wasn’t breaking and just kept asking for them.

Jeff, their partner, had pulled them aside at some point. He was, after the detective themselves of course, the most invested in this. He wanted to see the motherfucker burn and it was eating him alive that he couldn’t get Eric to talk, couldn’t help his closest friend by putting their abuser permanently behind bars.

“D’you remember telling us you wanted to go in?”

With a careful nod, Nat indicated that they did. Of course they did, and they had meant it even though it scared the hell out of them. They’d healed completely, their scars had started to fade and they had felt they were ready for duty again. Putting on a brave front, they had assured their friend that they’d be able to handle it.

“Don’t worry, really. It’s the only option right now and I’ll be fine. He can’t hurt me.”

“I just feel we’re giving him what he wants,” Jeff was still reluctant. “Besides that I hate to ask this of you.”

“What are you afraid of?”

Struggling to find the right words to express himself, Jeff had just said, “You are doing so well now.” And with that, he went to find the other officers.

~

Still lying in bed in the medical office, Nat recounted the events that had led up to this. Jeff had been right; they had been doing well. Now, they weren’t so sure anymore. They weren’t sure what they had expected, going in there, being alone again with… him. They had been sure they’d be safe; Eric was cuffed, couldn’t do anything to them. But the mind games had brought them back to that dark room. The taunts made them expect pain once again. And the humiliation, this time in front of their friends, was worse than anything they were made to suffer in that room.

Eric’s sudden yelling had brought Nat completely back to their submissive mindset, the fear creeping into the cracks that they had hoped, thought, were healed. It had successfully reminded them of their place, which Eric had viciously beaten into them, often literally forcing and beating them onto their knees in front of him.

They squeezed their eyes shut, hoping to retreat in a safe dark space, but their mind wasn’t safe anymore. The dark behind their eyes was now replaced with flashbacks and memories. With a gasp they shot back up in bed, the non-existent sound of the whip still cracking, echoing in the back of their mind.

Jeff was sitting next to them, a soothing presence. He was able to remain calm for the both of them and his tranquility brought Nat back. Instead of being drawn into Nat’s panic, instead of jumping up at the sight of Nat’s anxiety, making a fuss and mothering over them and thus making everything worse, he remained seated, just grasped their hand and whispered that they were safe. He was a grounding presence in Nat’s panic and Nat appreciated his conduct immensely. With a few deep breaths and the feeling of Jeff’s hand on theirs, Nat was able to calm down.

“You can say ‘I told you so’,” they mumbled, after they slunk back against their pillow.

“If it would help you, I would,” Jeff said, “but I don’t think it will.” He didn’t even look up from his book, giving Nat the time to wipe the tears rolling down their cheeks. With a soft sniffle, Nat directed their eyes to Jeff and let them slide down to the book he was reading. “How long was I sleeping?”

“A while.”

Nat sighed and closed their eyes. “Everyone must think I’m…”

“What everyone thinks is not important,” Jeff interrupted sharply.

Slightly taken aback, Nat silently laid still with their eyes closed for a bit. “Then I’ll just speak for what I think. I think I’m weak. I feel I’m weak.”

“You are not and you know it.” Jeff finally put his book aside and inched closer. “You went in there, that was _brave_ , Nat.”

“Fat load that did.”

A light squeeze in their hand made them open their eyes again. Jeff was sitting close to them and Nat felt uneasy at the worry they saw in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, that was-“ they started.

“Don’t. If anyone should apologize it’s me. I should have known better, I never should have let you do this…alone.”

They sat in silence for a while, both filled to the brim with concern for one another.

“Jeff…” Nat spoke in a hushed whisper. “I love you and I love what you’re trying to do, but you swimming around in guilt like this only makes me feel worse.”

Jeff looked up, a little surprised.

“I made the choice. Not you. No one forced me, well, except Eric perhaps. But please, let me be responsible for my own choices. You trusted me before… before all this. I just want things to be as they were.” An awkward laugh bubbled up. “Today may have been a bit of a setback though,” they acknowledged.

Jeff softened and a slight smile crossed over his face. “You’re right. I trust you, really. It’s just, anger I guess.”

“I appreciate that, you know. But you don’t need to tread so lightly around me.”

“Okay, so no more apologies.” Jeff winked and leaned back into his chair. “I do wish you’d talk to someone, though. It’s not just today, it’s… everything.”

Nat thought back to the cracks, their fear of their own mind, the nightmares that were sure to get worse now, and they slowly nodded. “Yes, I think so too. And I’m sorry I can’t tell you yet, but…”

“What did we just agree to?”

Nat let out a soft sigh through their nose and smiled. They offered a resigned but amused “Okay.”

Jeff got up out of his chair to leave. “Take your time, I’ll take you home when you’re ready.”

“I’ll come find you in a bit,” Nat agreed. “Tomorrow I can try again.”

“No.”

Nat looked up, surprised at the sudden harsh tone; they expected Jeff to look down in pity again determined to protect them and taking this on by himself, but instead they saw a raw and silent rage cross over his features, the gentle twinkle in his eyes gone and replaced by a focus and drive Nat almost didn’t recognize.

“This time I’ll speak to him.”


	4. Prodding

Jeff watched as Eric was escorted into the interrogation room again, flanked by two guards. His hands were cuffed in front of him and he was sat down at the table. One of the guards pulled his cuffed hands over the table to secure them.

“That won’t be necessary,” Jeff said, locking eyes with Eric. The man’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly but Jeff couldn’t read his intention. To be quite honest, he’d welcome it if Eric would try anything during their conversation; anything to have a reason to smack this motherfucker down. Jeff remained calm however, his poise betraying nothing of the storm raging inside him, and he sat down across from Eric, taking out his notebook. The two guards left without a word, ready to stand by.

“How are they doing?” Eric asked, innocent enough.

“Well,” Jeff merely said, lying through his teeth.

Eric leaned forward. “Bullshit,” he whispered. “That fat chief of yours practically had to carry them out.”

Jeff was fully aware the man was trying to provoke him so he kept silent. He wasn’t planning on talking about Nat or how they were doing at the moment, he wasn’t going to give this asshole the satisfaction of knowing what those couple of minutes reduced them to.

“You wanna know what I did to them?” Still angling towards Jeff, Eric leaned on his arms, his head down a little and his eyes glaring up.

“No,” Jeff deadpanned.

“You sure? You won’t hear it from them, if that’s what you’re waiting for.”

“What I’m waiting for is your confession. I don’t need the details, just a signature.” Jeff took a form from his notebook and slid it across the table.

Eric sighed dramatically and slumped a little. “Such a boring procedure. Nat said you had enough evidence.” A small twinkle lit up in his eyes. “Or were they lying to me? I’m sure they wouldn’t dare.”

Jeff ignored him and tried to ignore his own anger welling up at the sound of his friend’s name crossing the lips of their abuser so casually, almost affectionately. Eric regarded him in delight, an almost tender smile crossed his face and his eyes crinkled in amusement. He watched him write in his notebook for a bit until his gaze trailed up to his face, taking in the silent anger.

“It’s Jeffrey, right?” He broke the silence after a while.

Without looking up, Jeff gave a single curt nod, briefly wondering how he’d even know his name. They didn’t wear ID tags and he was sure his name was never mentioned during this asshole’s brief stay here.

“Hmm, I thought so,” Eric purred. “The way you went for Nat like that-“

“Don’t say their name,” Jeff seethed, interrupting him, but Eric took no notice.

“…jumping in front of them, hugging them, comforting them. When I saw you together like that I knew you had to be Jeffrey.” He smiled at the little metaphorical tug he felt at the line he cast as he saw Jeff, reluctantly, circling his bait.

He kept pulling the line. “I knew you had to be close and I have to admit I was pretty curious about you.”

Jeff still didn’t respond. Eric regarded him with a smile and kept silent for a bit as if he’d given up.

“They screamed for you.” And with that single sentence, Eric knew he had him. Hook, line and sinker.

Jeff felt as if all air in his lungs had evaporated. In anger and in an attempt to control himself he bit the inside of his cheek. His hands were trembling so hard he had to stop writing. He looked up in a barely contained fury, his breath shaky and his eyes blazing.

“Oh yes, I don’t think it was their most proud moment. I think it was when I forced them to tell me about your operation. Or was it… well, doesn’t matter. What does matter is that their voice cracked so beautifully on your name.” Eric looked up fondly, reliving the moments. “I even heard them mutter in their sleep, begging for you to rescue them.”

“You’re lying. I don’t believe a word of it.” Jeff hooked his legs behind the chair as if trying to physically hold himself back.

“Is it that hard to believe they fell apart like that?” Eric’s lips drew up into a wide, cruel smile. “You saw them break down in the interrogation room. Believe me when I tell you that was a light reaction.”

The two men stared each other down. Jeff realized that in this short time together Eric had managed to completely reverse their roles; he should have been in control here, but Eric effectively took over the questioning and he, Jeff, was forced on the defensive. Before he could think of a response, Eric let up and backed down, holding his bound hands up, the gesture combining an indifference and an awkward way of reconciliation.

“I like your composure,” he looked at Jeff with a newfound fascination. “Perhaps I got the wrong cop. I’d love to see what it takes to break you. Perhaps Nat didn’t quite cut it… I had them crying and begging within three days.”

“Why did you take them?” Jeff asked, grinding his teeth and ignoring the obvious taunts.

“Petty revenge at first,” Eric shrugged. “They were on the team that dismantled my drug operation. But I figured I could also use them to find out what else the cops knew. I do like killing two birds with one stone. Besides that, they were fun to have around.” He raised his eyebrows in a conspiratorially way, prodding at Jeff’s anger, waving a red cloth in front of him.

“You sure you won’t want to know anything?” He tried again. “You’re pretty close, right? I’m sure you’re dying to hear how many strokes of the whip it took to break them? How they got that scar on their shoulder? When they broke?”

Jeff’s eyes grew wide in hatred and shock, his mouth opening in a snarl of disbelief. Eric drank it all up, relishing the fact how easy it was to get under his skin so much and how much the detective was trying to hide it, trying to hold back, keep it in. He saw Jeff’s hands trembling in anger, pushing himself back at the table as if trying to force himself not to lunge at Eric. _Wonderful._

“Then let me at least give you a hint. Have you seen them without a shirt? Maybe when the doctors brought him in?”

Jeff stayed silent; he hadn’t seen Nat like that. Ever, for that matter. He didn’t want to either, didn’t want to see, didn’t want to acknowledge that to Eric. Yes, he saw them when they were carried to the hospital and it had been worse enough.

“No? I think it will tell you all you need to know. Up to you, though.”

A little clumsily, Eric reached out and pulled the form towards him. “Your pen,” he gestured to Jeff with his cuffed hands. It took Jeff a second to get to his senses, but he threw it over the table and, a little dazed, watched as Eric signed the confession.

“There,” he slid the paper back. Jeff looked at it; a somewhat shaky and messy signature, but signed nonetheless.  
“Don’t say I never gave you anything.” Eric winked.

Without a word or even another glance at Eric, Jeff took the form and left.


	5. Meeting

“What’s this?” The man looked from Nat to the two thugs who were holding both their arms.

Nat looked across the room to the man sitting behind the desk. He had his chair swiveled to the side, legs crossed and was now staring his men down, though a hint of curiosity twinkled in his eyes. He was tall, slim man in his early forties with sharp features, equally sharp blue-grey eyes, and dark blond hair in a short and neat side cut. Nat recognized him immediately.

Eric Holton. A wealthy drug dealer, the top honcho basically and the man they were after. Always operating from the shadows and a well-known, perhaps even infamous presence even among criminals, in the underworld. And top side as well; he helps business men with some the more shady parts of their work, or blackmails other less fortunate souls in the business. Money laundering, supplying drugs, the suppression of a rival, name it and people will point to Holton.  
The police had been after him for months and this was the first time Nat and Jeff had been able to link one of the drug operations directly to him.

One of the thugs spoke. “We caught this cop slinking about after they busted our deal.”

“So you brought him here?” Eric’s voice was cold, impatient. He was still waiting for an explanation and Nat felt the men beside them stir nervously.

“We thought that—“

“You thought that if you brought a scapegoat here I’d direct my attention away from you and let you get away with fucking up my business.”

The temperature in the room seemed to drop 10 degrees. Everyone fell silent. Nat could feel the tension pressing down on them and didn’t dare move. They just carefully flicked their eyes side to side a little and noticed the two men freeze up. The hands around their arms seemed to tighten a little. Eric finally got up from his chair and walked in front of his desk.

“Well, fine. Let’s see what you got.”

Nat stirred a little as Eric walked towards them, but made no attempts to break free from the grip the two men held them in. With Eric now standing in front of them, looking at them closely, they just looked up into his eyes.

“Ah, you’re the detective who has been sniffing around my business like a drug hound. I’ve seen you around. Actually, I think we’ve met before, haven’t we?”

Nat huffed a little; they had indeed met. Eric had known they were police, and Nat had been on him for months. When they’d confronted him he had just laughed. He knew full well that they couldn’t prove anything.

A sudden strike to the back of their knees caused them collapse with a yelp.

“That’ll do, Kyle, thank you. Leave us.” Eric flicked a hand at his men and took a few steps back to his desk.

The thug behind them grunted. He slid the baton back into his waist belt and left the room with his buddy, leaving Nat uncomfortably kneeling on the ground. Eric was casually leaning back on his desk, taking them in.

“I must apologize,” he said as he waited for the door to close. He pushed himself away from the desk and paced back towards Nat. “I didn’t order my men to take you. In fact, I don’t like having cops here. Call it an unfortunate chain of events.”

As he drew closer Nat’s unease grew and they tried to get up, but in passing, Eric clasped a hand on their shoulder and pushed them back down.

“Ah, ah,” was all he said and continued walking past Nat. “Let’s see, the chain of events… being you deciding to stick your nose into business where it doesn’t belong. Then, you and your team interrupting our business transaction.”

Nat opened their mouth to retort but thought it wiser to keep their tongue for now and closed their mouth again. They looked straight ahead, determined not to look back at Eric.

“Thus my men deciding to teach you a lesson and bring you here. I mean, you can’t blame them really.” Eric turned on his heel towards them, raising his hands in an exasperated gesture.

Nat heard him walk up and felt him crouch behind them; the knees getting pushed into their back, the hands on their shoulders, the breath in their neck. They shuddered a little and felt the pressure on their shoulders increase as Eric leaned forward.

“So, let’s make sure this won’t happen again, hm?” He whispered into their ear.

“You think you can just beat a cop into submission so they’ll let you run your business free?” Nat hissed.

“Well, bribing you doesn’t work, I’ve found. Now that this opportunity has been presented, I think I should give it a try. If it doesn’t work, maybe it will at least serve as a warning. Heck, at least I’ll be able to kick off some steam. Get some closure, some revenge for you fucking this up tonight.”

Nat had heard enough. They suddenly got up from their knees and with Eric still crouching unsteadily behind them, they caught him by surprise and he keeled over on his back as Nat pushed him over by merely getting to their feet. They sharply turned and threw themselves over him, aiming a punch at his face as they fell. But Eric was faster and rolled out of the way. He aimed a sharp punch at the side of Nat’s abdomen as they tried to break their fall. With the wind knocked out of them like that they failed to support themselves on their arms as they came down and crashed onto their stomach.

“Hm, you’re not very good at picking a fight, are you?” Eric mused. “Nice try, I guess?” He added in a sneer and patted his suit down. Pulling his tie a little looser, he stood over Nat. They tried to get to their elbows but he planted his foot hard into their back, pushing them back down. A suppressed ‘Oof!’ sounded, making Eric chuckle.

“What exactly were you planning?” He laughed and continued to press Nat down, feeling them trying to force their way back up. “Get out of the room and get smacked into a wall by my men? Or maybe you wanted to take them all on? I can arrange for that, you know.”

“Get off me!” Nat managed to growl and to their surprise, Eric let up and stepped off.

Before they could even think that went way too easy, Nat felt a brutal kick connect with their ribs as they pushed themselves onto their hands and knees. Another kick threw them on their side and Nat felt Eric’s shoe push to turn them over onto their back. Eric knelt down beside them, placing his knee hard onto their wrist, pinning it down.

Nat hissed in pain as they felt the bones in their wrist crackle under the weight. Their other hand was still free and with great effort they lunged to their side to try to get a punch in, but Eric caught their fist easily. He leaned over them, forcing the hand back down to their side in an uncomfortable angle, placing his hand on their bruised ribs to support himself.

“I don’t think these’re broken yet,” he murmured, digging his hand in further. Nat squeezed their eyes shut and let their head fall back. “No matter, we have time.”

“Eric.”

“What?!” Eric turned, visibly annoyed at being interrupted. One of the thugs stood in the doorway and beckoned him. Eric pushed off Nat’s chest, walked to the door and let the thug whisper something in his ear. He cursed softly and his eyes turned to Nat, glaring. A quick nod indicated the conversation was over and the thug withdrew.

“Congratulations, detective.”

Nat felt spooked by the sudden change in his voice. They drew back a little and looked back up at Eric, who seemed livid now.

“It seems your little interference caused enough hubbub for your buddies to catch up on.” He knelt in front of them and grabbed them by the hair, pulling them up a little, forcing their eyes to meet his. “I must congratulate you on your success really,” he said sweetly, his voice contrasted sharply by his eyes which had narrowed into slits of rage.

“So yes, you got what you wanted. Months of preparation ruined by a sniffer dog.” He threw them down in disgust and stepped away again, walking behind his desk.

“Which leaves the question,” he continued speaking, rummaging in one of the drawers. Having found what he was looking for, he drew up again with a triumphant ‘ah!’ and he held up a large switch knife, showing it to Nat.

“What else do you know?”


	6. Getting acquainted

Before Nat could respond, Eric pushed a button on the other side of his desk. A buzzer rang out and Kyle, the thug from before, entered the room.

“Be a good sport, Kyle, and help me get our guest to our facilities below.”

Without a word Kyle walked up to Nat and pulled them up, indifferent to their protests. He dragged Nat out the door through the long corridor towards the elevator. Once inside, Eric’s hand clasped around Nat’s upper arm. “I’ll take it from here, Kyle, thank you” he said as he pulled Nat from the elevator down another hallway. Eric pushed them into one of the rooms, signaling for Kyle to wait outside.

Nat fell forward but managed to remain upright. They turned sharply to face Eric, anxiety filling them up as they saw him lock the door and take the knife out of his pocket again.

“You couldn’t do this in your office?” they muttered angrily.

“No, no, I don’t want blood in my carpet,” Eric said casually and Nat winced at the implication.

“God, can you imagine trying to do business and having guests over in a bloody room? Wait, actually…” He scratched his chin lightly with the knife. “No, you’re right, that might be a nice intimidation tactic. Well, now that you’re here already…”

Nat looked around the room. It was wide and spacious, and very light, the floor and walls all in white. The only furniture in the room were some lockers and just a table on the other end of the room. Too empty for a storage room or office, or prison cell for that matter…

“First things first. Tell me your name.”

Nat blinked and their attention snapped back to Eric; they hadn’t expected that. “You don’t know? We spoke--”

“Like I’m supposed to know all you rats by name? No, of course I don’t know. We’ve met, that’s it.”

He advanced on Nat. “Tell me your name,” he repeated. “Show me you respond well to questions. Show me you’re cooperative. We’ll start easy.” As a twisted token of good faith, he held the knife up, closed it, and put it back in his pocket. Nat eyed him with suspicion as he drew closer but they didn’t answer.

In a quick movement, Eric lunged forward, grabbed Nat’s shoulders and put his leg behind theirs. He shifted their body along with his and pushed hard, throwing Nat to the ground. It happened way too fast for Nat to grasp and they grunted as they landed hard on their side, their arm still caught by Eric who stood over them and used the momentum to roll them onto their stomach.

Eric sank down, pushed a knee into the small of Nat’s back and pulled their arm back by their wrist, pinning it down, straining their shoulder.

“Your name.”

Nat just grunted and tried to twist free of Eric’s grip. They wanted to scream as their arm got pulled in the unnatural position, their mouth open in a soundless scream but their breath seemed to be locked down in their throat. “No, wait,” was all they could bring out and when Eric pulled harder all the air in their lungs released into a gasping scream.

“I’m not going to acknowledge any pleas, I’ll just keep pulling until I either hear a snap or your name.”

The fingers curled around their wrist tightened. Just the tight grip of Eric’s hand and his knee pushing hard into their back already hurt so much and the pain was now heightened as Nat felt their shoulder socket close to popping. Slowly, agonizingly slow, their arm was twisted further up. Nat grit their teeth, stifling their scream, fragments of sound breaking out in distressed grunts. The strain was almost unbearable. Tears started welling up in the corners of their eyes, their breath coming out in pained gasps. A final struggle only put more stress on their arm and just when they were sure they couldn’t hold anymore, the words collapsed over their lips.

“It’s Nat!” they shouted.

The pressure was lifted immediately and Eric let go of their wrist. “Nat? Like, what, from Nathalie? Ned? Nathaniel? Real name? Nickname?”

“I’ll leave you to draw your own conclusions,” Nat muttered and twisted their arm back into a more comfortable and natural position.

Eric sat back on his hunches a little, giving Nat some space to move. “Well, no matter, sure. And your family name?”

“Hirano”, Nat conceded.

“Very good,” Eric said as he got up.

Breathing heavily, Nat pushed themselves up onto their knees carefully. Eric gave them a quick glance.

“Did I say you could get up?”

“I don’t need your blessing,” Nat scoffed.

Eric tutted and stepped closer. “But you do need my permission. I’m not done yet. Get down.” And with a heavy kick to their chest, Nat fell back again. Eric didn’t waste a moment and stepped over Nat. He straddled their hips and pinned them down. His hand disappeared into his pocket again and he drew out his knife, holding it front of Nat’s face, a silent command telling them not to move.

“You seem like you’ve done this before,” Nat wheezed.

“Well, not to beat my own drum, but you know… you gotta do what you gotta do to stay at the top. Keep people’s hands away from things that aren’t theirs. These people I’m working with,” he gestured with the knife, giving it a casual and annoyed wave, “I have to tell you, a simply wag of the finger doesn’t scare them from taking drugs.” He sighed and brought the knife down, pushing it against Nat’s throat.

“You gotta let them know that the knife,” he drew a little blood, “is always at their throat. You know, educate these drug pushers a little, teach them not to mess around.”

He drew the knife back and looked at the little drop of blood slowly curling down over Nat’s throat, streaming down between their clavicles. Nat let out a shaky breath as the knife was withdrawn. They hadn’t realized they’d been holding their breath with the knife firmly against their skin.

“I don’t just use bribery and blackmail in business. People _know_ not to cross me,” Eric continued in a low and dangerous voice. “Except you coppers don’t seem to grasp the message. So let me show you what I do to my guys.”

He shifted his weight a little and suddenly lunged forward grasping Nat hard by the throat.

“I fuck them up.” He made direct eye contact and forced Nat to keep looking up, keeping their attention on him as he spoke. Nat fought for their breath, clawing at Eric’s arm, but quickly fell still in terror as Eric pushed down harder in warning.

“I beat the living shit out of them, make an example, then send them back to their buddies with the blood still stained to their face.” He squeezed a little but made sure Nat could still breath; he didn’t want them drifting away, he needed his words to sink in.

“I do hope that your example will be enough for the ‘force’ to back out for a while and, like my boys, keep their grubby little fingers out of my business. Maybe you could even convince them that there’s nothing else going on here. You think you can do that for me?”

Nat whimpered and shook their head. Eric shifted his weight again, tightening his grip on their throat. His other hand twirled the knife over and let the tip sink into the skin of their shoulder.

“Shame really,” Eric tutted and pushed the knife in further. “But that’s okay. The good thing about my method is that it works really well, as I’m sure you’ll see. And besides that, everyone needs a hobby, don’t you think?”

He wrenched the knife out and got off Nat, taking a white cloth from his pocket and wiping the blade. Nat lay still flat on their back, trying to catch their breath, trying to get a grip on their bleak situation.

“Now then, you feel ready to tell me what you know?” He gave Nat a short side-glance.

“No,” Nat groaned as they sat up, watching him as he continued cleaning the blood off.

“You have any intention of sharing information with me?”

“No.”

Eric shrugged. “That’s okay, I like a challenge.”


	7. Pick your poison

Nat kept a close watch on Eric as he cleaned his knife. They sat up, suppressing a groan as they felt their battered ribs protesting, and rubbed gently over their bruised throat. Hurt, but not injured so far. Did they dare risk another attempt to attack Eric? Not while he still had a knife in his hand, that’s for sure though.

Eric walked to the table on the other side of the room. He made eye contact with Nat and gestured for them to get up and join him. Folding the knife again, slowly while keeping his gaze on Nat, he placed it softly on the table. Then he turned his back to Nat and moved to the bench in the corner. It was covered in various tools, Nat now noticed. Lots of knives, drawers full of items they couldn’t distinguish, guns, batons and canes in all lengths and sizes.

 _Now! Now or never!_ _Take the knife!_ But Nat still hesitated with Eric in front of his arsenal of weapons and by the time they’d gotten to their feet, Eric had turned again, his hands full, and stood behind the table, using it as a barrier between them.

He waited until Nat stood in front of him and placed his tools on the table next to the knife. First was a taser stun gun, next a thin cane.

“Choose,” he said. “You get to pick. Whichever makes you talk the fastest. Whichever helps you remember everything straight.”

“Fuck that,” Nat growled. “I’m not playing your game.”

“I think you’ll stick to the rules of this game pretty fast,” Eric spoke calmly. “If you don’t want to choose I suggest you start talking now. Tell me about your next operation.”

“I have nothing to say to you.”

“Fine. Then I’ll choose for you.”

Eric picked up the knife. “I’ll start with the knife and I’ll slowly carve your back open. Dozens of thin little slices, small cuts until you give me a date.” He put the knife down again and picked up another weapon. “Then, I’ll use the cane and split open these cuts even further and beat you until you give up a place. As for dessert,” he tapped the taser with the cane, “I’ll tase you until you’re writhing on the floor, squirming on your open wounds until you give me the names of your colleagues who are part of this operation.”

Slowly, with each explanation, Nat’s mouth fell open a little wider and their breathing became more and more shallow. _He can’t be serious…_ They looked up at Eric, searching his eyes to find any form of mercy, any hint that he may be exaggerating, but his eyes were dead serious.

“So, for your sake I suggest we stick to one,” Eric shrugged and put the cane back. “As for me, I don’t really care. One or all three. Just giving you a heads-up.”

Nat stared at the three instruments on the table. They moved forward as if to reach out for one of them, but Eric’s sharp voice stopped them.

“I’m not sure you do, but if you _do_ have the guts to take one of these and try it on me to escape...” he let his sentence trail off threateningly. “I will make you experience pain you’d never know was possible.”

Nat swallowed hard and gingerly took a small step back. They looked at each of the weapons. The knife was out. Too dangerous; they didn’t want to lose a lot of blood and any cuts or stab wounds would only slow them down if they’d want to attempt anything later. Same for the cane. It looked thin and not that harmful, but used in the wrong way and it would be hard to keep fighting back. As for the taser… painful, yes, but short term only, right? No injuries, no bruises. Wait, why were they even thinking about this?! Just give him some false information, he’d never know!

Eric fondly looked at them, loving how he could see the battle rage, the wheels turn in their head trying to figure out which tool would hurt less, which pain to choose. He saw their face twist in fear as their eyes ran over the tools, no doubt imagining how it would feel. _Lovely._

“I don’t have all day, Nat. Five seconds. Four… Three.”

“No wait,” Nat startled and pointed hastily to the taser.

“Nice choice,” Eric picked up the instrument. “Let me tell you a little something about this baby. You’d think this would just knock you out instantly, right? Perhaps you’re even hoping for it?”

Nat didn’t move or speak. Answering now would just take their focus off, would distract them, giving Eric the welcome opportunity to strike. No. Just keep watching him, keep watching that taser, stay alert. But Eric wasn’t really waiting for an answer anyway and just kept talking.

“This little honey is modified. It doesn’t give a lethal or incapacitating shock. Just nice little waves of pure agony. Look, I can even increase the voltage,” his finger moved to a little dial on the instrument. “In case you need a little more incentive to answer.”

 _‘Just get this over with!’_ Nat screamed inside their head. They were waiting for Eric to move in on them, watching intently for any movement that would indicate he would step away from behind the table between them.

“And the best thing is…” Eric moved his finger to the little trigger on the device and before Nat could respond, two small darts shot out and latched on to their chest. A burning pain shot through their entire body and the shock made Nat fall to their knees. After a few seconds, it stopped, leaving Nat panting and shuddering as the pain rode in aftershocks through their body.

“Well, I don’t think that needs any further explanation,” Eric grinned and moved around the table, standing over Nat. “Do you regret your choice yet?”

Wheezing, Nat just looked up. “Fuck you,” they managed to breath out, and their hand moved up to yank the probes out of their chest, but before they could even touch it, Eric activated the device again. Their muscles locked as the fire ran through their veins again. Their body trembled and convulsed. Once it stopped, they fell forward, catching themselves on their hands.

“You know what’s also quite nice? As this thing doesn’t give a huge shock, I can use if more often than a regular stun gun. So don’t worry about the battery running out,” Eric purred. He grabbed Nat by the hair and pulled them up again.

“Anyway, you were going to tell me something.”

Breathing hard, a small whimper escaping their throat, Nat tried to shake their head.

“You don’t seem so sure anymore.”

The whimper turned into a soft growl. _No shit!_ Nat had to admit, this hurt a lot more than they expected, or, well, hoped. The first shock slammed all the air out of their lungs in surprise and it was hard to breath with the electricity running through them. Not to mention the intense pain and the ache in their muscles.

“Let’s try that again, then.” He let his fingers untangle from their hair and let them drop down to the floor again. Before their hands even hit the ground, another wave of pain surged through them. When they could move again, they quickly glanced up and saw Eric aim the tool at them again in warning.

“No wait!” they gasped.

Eric raised his eyebrows. “Yes?”

The words rushed out of their mouth. “There is no next raid! Honestly this was it! It was the only info we had and… We just…“ they slowly trailed off not really knowing where they were going with this and they could see Eric didn’t believe a word they said.

“You want to repeat that knowing what will happen when you lie?”

A vicious backhand cracked over Nat’s cheek, the force of it snapping them to the side.

“No wait, please I’ll–AAaahhhh!”

“Sorry dear, what was that?” Eric paused for a moment, waiting for an answer. When it didn’t come, he pressed the trigger again and listened to the screams of agony that rose up.

“I said I like a challenge remember? Please give me one.” He walked around Nat, keeping the wires slack. Nat lay flat on their back, breathing hard. They squeezed their eyes shut and when they opened again and looked up, Eric could easily see the fear behind them.

Nat lost count after a while. All they knew were the small pauses of reprieve, giving them a chance to respond, before their muscles locked up again and all they could do was wait until Eric decided to give them time to breath.

“The next raid it’s-- hhnnnnngggg!”

“Couldn’t quite catch that,” Eric smirked.

He sent another wave down.

“You’re confusing me, Nat. First there was no raid and now you say there is?” Another squeeze of his finger, another scream.

“I didn’t— No!” But Eric didn’t let them finish and shocked them again.

“It’s Sunday! Next Sunday!” Nat finally screamed as soon as they regained control over their voice.

Eric stopped and knelt down next to them. He gently pushed aside the strands of hair covering Nat’s face, though his piercing eyes were anything but gentle.

“You sure? You have a habit of lying to me after all.”

“It’s Sunday,” Nat panted. “The one at the docks. You know what’s happening, you know it’s true.” The last words coming out almost as a plea. They held Eric’s gaze, willing him to believe them.

Finally, Eric lowered his eyes. His hands moved to the darts and he yanked them out of Nat’s chest. “Guess I’ll keep you here until then to see if that’s true.” He straightened up and put the taser back on the table.

“Don’t worry, I’ll take good care of you. At least until Sunday.” He walked back across the room, unlocked the door, and knocked on it. The door immediately opened and Kyle entered.

“Take our guest to the adjacent room, Kyle.” And with that, Nat was scooped up unceremoniously and pulled away by their arm, Eric looking on with a thoughtful smile.


	8. Again

_Again._

Nat sat with their back to the wall, laptop in their lap, earbuds in, and focused on the screen, focused on Eric, on themselves.

They’d asked one of their colleagues for the recording of the day they confronted Eric in the interrogation room, and had been watching the tape over and over. Now seeing and hearing all the things they hadn’t noticed before, couldn’t notice while they were in there because Eric had swallowed them up completely. But they recognized it now. The slight tremble in their voice, the body language, the unease they displayed. _God!_

_Again._

They paused the video and started over. The images flashing over the screen showed them again how Eric suddenly got up, showed their response, that _stupid_ automatic response. It was mortifying to watch themselves like that, on their knees, completely in surrender, shivering.

_Again!_

They watched that same part again and again until they stopped flinching, until not even their eyes squinted or blinked in reaction anymore when Eric started yelling. Then, they closed their eyes and just listened.

_“You can’t hurt me anymore.”_

God! They sounded so pathetic! Weak! _Again!_

_“Weaklings like them—“_ Nat wiped at the tears rolling over their cheek. “ _Again,”_ they heard in Eric’s voice. _Again, come on Nat, watch it again._

_Again, Nat. Come on, get up._

_We’ll try this again, Nat._

_Don’t tell me you forgot everything I taught you? That’s okay, we’ll do it again. Again!_

“No!” They opened their eyes abruptly in shock. With a gasp they looked around the room; their room, their office. Safe. They sighed, relieved they were alone. No Eric, but also no one there to see them like that. But the relief quickly made way for a little twinge of embarrassment, a hint of self-disgust. The realization that Eric had made it deeper into their thoughts than they’d care to admit gave way to a deep feeling of shame. _How did they let it get this far?! It was their own fault! If only they’d…!_

So. Again.

~

Jeff stood outside the interrogation room, suddenly feeling exhausted. He slumped against the wall. It had been the first time he was alone with Eric and he didn’t quite know what he had expected, but _god_ this guy was exhausting. Even in cuffs, in custody, he still managed to do so much damage to Nat, to the people around them. His words alone were enough. He glanced at the paper in his hands and realized he wasn’t at all happy with the confession he just got. ‘ _What good would it even do?_ ’ he wondered.

A quick look at his watch told Jeff it was late afternoon by now. He had had enough for today and just wanted to go home. Finish this business first, get Nat, file the report, and off.

He walked back to the small office they shared to check on Nat first. They were waiting for him.

“Hey.”

Nat startled. They quickly tapped the space bar and tilted the screen down. “Hey.”

“Do you want to stay here or do you want me to take you home?”

“You’re done?”

“So done,” Jeff sighed, but he smiled a little and waved the signed form.

“How did you…” Nat gaped at him, their eyes widening and they sat back in relief.

“I’m not even sure really, he suddenly just signed it.” Jeff pulled up a seat and sat next to Nat. “I didn’t want to question him on it, I just wanted to get out, but I do feel something’s off. He’s way too calm about all this.”

“Still in control,” Nat muttered. “I’m sorry… you didn’t have to do that for me—“

“Don’t,” Jeff interrupted, the exhaustion apparent in his voice. He tilted his head slightly, his gentle eyes reminding Nat of their promise to stop apologizing. _He’s causing enough trouble here already_. They sat in silence for a while, until Jeff’s eyes searched for Nat’s and noticed something.

“Hey. What’s wrong?” He gently placed the back of his fingers on Nat’s cheek. “Your eyes—“

Nat recoiled ever so slightly and regretted it immediately. The touch reminded them of his hands and they didn’t need that right now. Also, they didn’t want Jeff to know they’d been crying.

Jeff pulled back, confused and a little hurt, but also chastising himself for not being careful, looked at Nat’s half-closed laptop. “What are you doing?”

Nat closed it and pulled it out of reach. “Nothing, I just finished.”

But Jeff snatched it away and placed it in his own lap, swiveling his chair away. He pulled it open and saw the screen the video had paused on. The interrogation room. Nat. Eric.

“What… are you doing?” He asked again, incredulous.

“Getting used to it,” Nat said, their voice hard.

Too surprised to say anything, Jeff stared in horror at the screen, his face twisted in confusion and sorrow. He lightly tapped the space bar and watched the soundless video play out, little snippets of Eric’s words coming out of Nat’s earbuds on the desk. Once he saw Nat drop down again, he closed his eyes and stopped the video.

“Why…?” was all he could bring out. “Why would you watch this?”

“Like I said, I need to get used to it. I need to be able to see him, hear him speak without falling apart.” Nat swallowed the lump of fear and tears that threatened in their throat. They watched Jeff as he pushed the laptop back onto the desk, watched the emotions swirl over his face.

“I… I don’t know what—“ Jeff started, searching for words. He looked up, suddenly realizing how long Nat had been here, sitting in a darkened room, on their own, crying.

“Next time I just need him to see I’m not afraid of him anymore,” Nat whispered.

That snapped Jeff back. “But you are still afraid,” he said and he saw Nat wince at the words. “And there is no shame in that. Fuck him, Nat, it doesn’t matter what he thinks.” He saw fresh tears rolling over Nat’s cheeks. Okay, maybe not the best way to address this… He took a deep breath. “I understand, or at least, well, I’ll never fully understand but I get why you want this. But don’t do it for him, do it to heal for you.”

A sniffle and a nod were all the response he got.

“I wish you hadn’t done this alone,” Jeff whispered.

“I don’t need you here for everything, Jeff, I don’t need you holding my hand through this.” As soon as the words left their lips, instant regret filled them up. “No… I’m—I mean, that’s not what I meant, I—“

“I know.”

“I just really needed to do this. Alone. Just me and …”

With a nod, Jeff stopped them, they didn’t need to say his name.

“You know, without anyone looking at me, judging me, holding me back,” Nat finished.

“I’m not judging you,” Jeff whispered again, his head down.

“You are, but that’s okay.” The slightest hint of a smile could be heard in their voice and Jeff looked up. His lips twitched a little, a smile pulling at them.

“You’re right. But… you don’t have to get used to it. You don’t have to harden yourself.”

As Nat didn’t answer, silence filled the room again, both sitting absorbed in their own thoughts.

“How did it go?” Nat attempted to steer the conversation away from them. “This afternoon, with him?”

Jeff sighed, but immediately latched on. “I lost control.”

“What, did you --?”

“No, no, I didn’t do anything to him. God, I wish I could though. No, I mean… I lost control of the situation. He completely took over and managed to get under my skin.”

“He does that,” Nat said softly in a dark tone. “What do you make of him?”

Jeff thought for a minute. “He talks too much.” He sounded both annoyed and exasperated.

Despite everything, Nat had to laugh. Jeff looked up surprised but a warm smile crossed over his features as he saw Nat laugh like this. How long had it been since he’d seen them like that?

“He does!” Nat laughed, “He just loves hearing himself talk! God, it’s awful.”

They pulled the jack of their headphones from the laptop and pushed it away. “Enough of this.”

“So… home?” Jeff nudged them with his knee.

“Yes, please. Let’s pick up take away and eat at my place.”


	9. Cracks

Alone in the room now, Nat lay curled up, trying to recover after that merciless onslaught. Moving was hell; their muscles were cramped and painful after the electrical surges, their bruises hurt like hell, and they felt stiff all over. But their physical predicament wasn’t what was bothering them most. _They broke._ They broke so fast. They had hoped they would be able to hold out for a while, maybe even a couple of days, while the team would mount a rescue operation. The thought of that was the only thing that made them able to put up a brave front. But Eric didn’t waste any time and now he knew what to expect this Sunday.

What would happen at the station, they wondered. Perhaps they’d call it off, now that this bust had failed, maybe the risk would be too high to try again. Also, they were a man down and the search for Nat might get priority… _right_? Would Jeff be angry if everyone were to focus on the raid instead of Nat? Of would he prioritize getting to Eric, hoping to get two birds with one stone?

Nat kept mulling over everything. If they were at the station now, safe, they weren’t sure if they’d give the o.k. to continue the raid this Sunday and--

 _Oh god._ _Eric_. Eric would think they had lied to him. A deep anxiety pooled in their stomach at the thought of how angry he’d be. Hopefully, they’d be out before Sunday, and with that hope they slowly drifted to sleep.

They woke up at the sound of the door opening. The light from the adjacent white room came pooling in along with him.

“Good morning!” Eric was carrying a tray with breakfast. He sat it down at the small table tucked against the corner.

“Why are you here?” Nat eyed him in suspicion. “I already told you when the next raid is.”

“Can’t a man bring his guest a spot of breakfast?” Eric feigned hurt and clasped at his chest dramatically. “Besides, you may have told me the info I needed, but I still want to talk to you. It’s nice, having someone around for more than a couple of hours, you know. We’ll have a couple of days to get acquainted, you and I.”

Nat quickly got up, ignoring the protests of their body. Staying down on the floor was too vulnerable.

Eric followed their gaze to the tray of food. “Ah, not yet. If you’re good you can have it once we’re done.”

But Nat spotted something on the tray that didn’t seem to belong there. “What’s that?”

Eric picked up the long item and held it out to Nat. A police baton. Not one of the new models they were using now, the metal ones that could be folded, this was a tonfa. A thick black rod with a handle which, from the looks of it, seemed to have been modified. Nat’s heart sank and panic gripped their stomach.

“It seemed…appropriate,” Eric grinned. “You ever used one of these? Ever hit some poor punk with it?”

“What? No, what do you think I am, riot police?! I don’t do field work,” they lashed out in frustration.

Eric hummed and let his fingers glide over the length of the baton. “Then why were you at the bust?”

“I… I wanted to help the team.”

That drew a hearty laugh from Eric. “That’s sweet. You know you probably just got in the way, right? You even let yourself get captured.”

Nat swallowed the angry retort, resulting in a small strangled noise that escaped their throat. “I gave up the info, why are you still—“

“You lied to me, remember?” Eric’s voice grew sinister. “At first you told me there was no other bust. You gotta nip that shit in the bud.” He held the baton out to them. “So let’s talk.”

“You’re just looking for an excuse to beat me.”

“What makes you think I need one?” Eric’s eyes glinted with danger. “Okay, fine. You don’t wanna get beat? Don’t give me any excuses then. If I’d say ‘get on your knees in front of me’, you say…”

“No.”

“See. There’s your problem.” Eric swung the baton through the air. “It’s as if you’re asking me to beat you. Though I have to say, it’s already an improvement over yesterday’s ‘fuck you’. I’d say we’re slowly getting there.”

Eric slowly walked up to them. He whirled the baton up and caught it again, this time holding it properly by the handle, lined up alongside his forearm.

“Stay away from me!”

Nat tried to move away but Eric was faster and with his fist clenching on the handle he used it to punch the end of the baton into their stomach. The force slammed the air out of their body and their vision went white for a second. They struggled to remain standing as they fell forward, grasping at Eric and the baton, but Eric snatched it away from them and aimed his forearm and the length of the baton in a backhanded strike over their face, sending them down to the ground. With a grunt, Nat landed on their knees, right where Eric had wanted them. Their head hung down in shame and pain, soft retches leaving their throat.

Eric stood in front of Nat, placing the end of the baton under their chin and slowly guided it up until their eyes met.

“You said you don’t do field work?” Eric said, looking down on them, keeping a little pressure on the handle so they kept looking up. “Why not?”

Nat held his gaze as they refused to answer. Their eyes burning with a mixture of resolve, anger, and fear.

The baton was pulled away from their chin abruptly and before they could even recoil back, they felt the hard plastic connect with their cheekbone, the force of the blow smacking them roughly to the side. A harsh grunt was pulled from the hit and they had to steady themselves, placing their hand flat on the ground.

“Why not, Nat?” the taunt rose above them. Eric twirled the baton and hooked the handle around their neck, pulling them back to their kneeling position. Without much resistance, Nat let him, their hand slowly rose to the bruise now spreading over their face.

“I asked you a question,” Eric’s voice came from above them. They felt the cold end of the handle touch under their chin, tilting it up again.

“I… I’m,” they searched for the words, stalling, but at least letting him hear they were working on an answer before he’d hit again. The lightness and clouds swirling around in their head were not helping.

SMACK

Another hit crashed over their face, directly under the first bruise, the dull sound followed by another cry.

“Answer me.” He swung the baton back, aiming for another backhand. Nat flinched hard and raised their arm in protection, but Eric held still, waiting for Nat to speak, ready to strike.

“I just usually work behind the scenes. I’m not… cut out for field work.”

Another blow struck their injured shoulder. “I know you’re not. I’m asking why,” Eric said, striking their shoulder again, keeping them down on their knees when Nat tried to force their way to their feet. Nat felt the knife wound inflicted by Eric yesterday open again, the blood slowly absorbed by the black fabric of their shirt.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, I—Please,” they stammered when they saw Eric raise the baton again. “I work in evidence, I connect the pieces, I’m… there are other members in the team more… more suited for… actually going out and making the arrests, going out into danger. I’m not good at dealing with… with…”

“With all this,” Eric finished their sentence, emphasizing his point by hitting them square in the face, smiling at the pained scream it gave him and the grunt that followed as their back hit the floor. “I know, I noticed yesterday. You can’t throw a punch to save your life.” He squatted down next to Nat, driving the baton hard onto the floor, barely missing their face. The sound and proximity made Nat wince, the shock amplifying the panic already coursing through their veins.

“So basically, you’re a weakling.”

“No, I just—“ Nat groaned.

“That wasn’t a question,” Eric cut them off.

Blood rushed to Nat’s face. They watched Eric stand up again.

“So, I ask again. Why don’t you do field work?”

Nat scrambled onto their knees, trying to get up, their silence broken by another well-placed hit, driving the air out of their lungs.

“Why aren’t you in the field, Nat?”

“I told you,” Nat wheezed, gathering all their strength to push themselves up again. “I work in eviden—“

Another WHACK. A broken gasp shuddered over Nat’s lips.

“No, no remember what I _just_ told you? Now, why don’t you do field work?”

Realization dawned on them and Eric smiled as he saw the gears click into place.

“I’m not a…” Nat whispered, more to themselves than to Eric before they looked up, a silent plea in their eyes. “Please, I told you what you wanted to know.”

“And now I want to know why you’re not a field agent,” Eric said casually. He heard their bones crunch as he laid a number of subsequent blows over their body, the sounds of the hits accompanied by pained grunts.

“Why, Nat?”

WHACK. Another blow to the face, this time crossing hard over their nose, breaking it. Blood streamed down over their lips, their chin, and down their front.

“Fuck you,” Nat fumed, the blood and rage spraying off their lips.

WHAM

“Why aren’t you?”

Blood splashed to the floor as another hit slammed Nat’s face down again.

“Say it.”

Nat brought up their arms as a shield in an automatic attempt to defend themselves and the blow deflected hard on their forearm. They grimaced and grit their teeth, almost sure that the bone cracked. The strength of the blow forced them down even further. Eric immediately took advantage and hit a second time, this time shattering their ulna. The scream tore out of their throat.

“Come on, Nat. it’s something you know to be true, deep down inside. Listen to that little voice that’s always been telling you you’re not strong enough to do fieldwork.”

Nat desperately squirmed onto one knee, clutching their broken arm. Eric squatted down next to them and pulled their head back by their hair.

“Say it,” he repeated, his eyes boring into Nat’s. “Why don’t you work in the field?”

“Because…,” they gasped, tears dripping down to the ground as they felt their resistance break. _Say it! Make it stop!_ A voice in their mind echoed. “Because I’m a weakling.”

“That’s it.”


	10. Lessons to be learned

Giving Nat a small moment of reprieve for obeying, Eric let up for a bit, leaving them hunched over on their knees to sob their shame and pain away. He walked to the small adjacent bathroom and came back with a wad of toilet paper. He held it out to them, but Nat didn’t respond, so with a sigh he crouched down and dabbed at the blood on their face, trying to stanch the nosebleed. Having that much blood sprayed everywhere was just a nuisance.

“I have to say, it’s rather disappointing.” He grabbed their chin roughly and pulled their face up to clean the blood. “Here you were, getting my hopes up by starting a fight, by challenging me…” Eric shrugged. “If you can’t fight you should’ve just stayed down.”

Nat winced at the sudden touch. Their uninjured arm moved up in a feeble attempt to stop him, but instead, Eric just pushed the wad of paper in their hand so they could hold it to their nose. Pressing it to their face, Nat leaned back, but a hand at the back of their head stopped them.

“Don’t tilt your head back, just let it bleed.”

Eric straightened up again. His eyes fell on Nat’s broken forearm, where a nasty bruise started to discolour the skin, creating a large bump.

“Ok, break time’s over. Get up.”

Visibly freezing up, Nat’s wide eyes snapped up. _No…no not again._ _How many more broken bones and bruises does he need before he’s satisfied?!_

“What, you thought we were done?” Eric stooped over and picked up the baton again. He let it fall against the palm of his other hand with a threatening _pat_. “Get up.”

“No, wait, Eric, please—“ Nat clumsily scrambled to their feet.

“Sir.”

“What?!”

“It’s, ‘sir, please’.”

An appalled look crossed over Nat’s face. “I’m not calling you that.” The words just fell out without them even thinking about the consequences.

WHACK

Surprised at their own swiftness that coursed through their body with a renewed adrenaline rush, Nat was able to twist their body just in time to avoid a blow to their broken arm. Instead, the baton struck the side of their abdomen.

“Why not, Nat? I _strongly_ …” he raised the baton, “encourage it.”

“Because it’s a term indicating respect,” Nat grit out through their teeth.

“Aw, and you don’t respect me.” He hit again. “But you know what, Nat?” He pulled Nat up straight by their shirt and shoved them hard against their chest until they stumbled back into the wall. With the baton lined up against his arm again, he pushed hard against their throat, pinning them effectively in place.

“It’s also a way to address your superiors.”

“You are _not_ my superior,” Nat hissed.

“And that’s where I beg to differ.”

They tried to push Eric away to give their already bruised throat some slack, but it soon proved meaningless. Lowering the tension in their muscles they just let their fingers rest around the baton. It was sickeningly slick with their own blood and sweat.

“Come on, you must have superiors at work who you don’t respect or like, right? But you still call them ‘sir’?” Eric droned on, leering down at Nat.

“That’s… that’s different.”

“Why? It’s expected of you, so you comply. I expect you to call me ‘sir’, so… you comply.”

Eric took a step forward, his body against Nat’s to pin them further against the wall. Nat recoiled, or at least tried to, but there was no way out. They struggled, against the hopelessness of the situation, against the pull of gravity that was tempting their body to crumple down right then and there. Everything hurt so bad. Their strength was fading, though even at full strength they realised they couldn’t do anything now. The only option was…

“Now, I know you want to say no,” Eric cooed. He trailed his fingers over the bruises starting to cover Nat’s cheekbone. “But it’s in your best interest to do as I say.”

 _If only it was that easy._ But Nat knew their stubbornness couldn’t last. They winced as Eric’s fingers stroked the swollen skin. Their silence took a second too long and Eric pulled away, only to lunge back forward and he plunged a fist into their stomach.

With a horrible retching gasp Nat collapsed, their knees taking the impact and they doubled over in pain and in an attempt to protect their abdomen. Above them, they heard the threatening _pat pat_ sounds again and Eric’s voice.

“You get what I mean, right?”

Nat broke down with a sob. “Okay, fine, yes! Yes, sir!”

A smile curled over Eric’s lips and his eyes narrowed in malicious delight. “That’s it.”

Silent tears slid over their chin onto Nat’s knees as they made themselves as small as possible. It was a good reflection of how they mentally felt right now. At least, maybe, the torment would be over for now, they hoped.

“So what did we learn today?”

“…what?” Nat couldn’t move. They still lay doubled over on the floor. Everything hurt so bad and they slowly tilted their head up, confusion evident in their eyes.

“Just like I said, I want you to tell me what you learned today.”

“That you’re a sadistic bastard,” they managed to bring out.

Eric smiled darkly at the comment, his eyes narrowing. He saw he was very close to breaking them in but he loved that there was still a spark of defiance.

“Well, I mean, you’re not wrong but you should know by now not to mouth off to me. Let’s try that again.” He sank down, placing the baton over Nat’s exposed neck.

“Tell me, or we’ll have to start the lesson from scratch.”

Nat sobbed. Their mind was racing and ready to rebel, but their body shuddered in protest and every bone in their body was screaming for the torment to stop. _No more, do as he asks!_ They thought back to what Eric beat into them. Not wanting to start with the most painful lesson, their most painful confession, they tried to beat around the bush.

“I learned not to mouth off?” they almost phrased it like a question, hoping it would satisfy him.

“That’s a nice bonus, sure. What about the earlier lessons?” Eric prompted.

“I… learned not to lie to you,” Nat conceded.

“Good. What else?” Eric circled them **.**

“I.. please,” they sobbed, realising he wanted to hear more. If only the floor could swallow them up, take them under, make them disappear from sight. They whimpered softly.

“It’s okay, take your time, find the words to say it,” Eric cooed.

Nat didn’t want to say it out loud, didn’t want to acknowledge what Eric was trying to drill into them, didn’t want to submit. Their chest _ached_ with all the fear bottled up inside. They tried to catch their breath and gasped, trying to form the dreadful words that remained stuck in their throat.

“If you don’t I’ll assume you didn’t learn your lesson.” He hit the baton against the bottom of his shoe, the noise making Nat wince.

 _Say it!_ Options, sentences, possibilities all crossed their mind. The best way to obey while keeping a shred of their dignity. “I learned… what to call you.”

“You learned how to address your superiors,” Eric nodded. “Say it.” He nudged their broken arm.

Every word was interrupted by a sob but Nat managed to get it out.

“I… learned how t-to address m-my superiors…sir.” Their head sunk down to the floor in shame. Their forehead rubbing over the carpet and their hand balled into a fist clutching at the fibres.

“Very good. Now for the most important lesson of the day.” Crouching down next to Nat, he let them have their little breakdown. His hands now moved gently through their hair, petting it lightly, the warning evident, trying to coax them through the panic.

“Please don’t-“

“You need a reminder?” The warning in his voice made Nat curl up and they shook their head, a whispered ‘no’ pleading at him, telling him they knew.

“Tell me,” Eric demanded, his grip tightening and pulling their head up. His piercing eyes found Nat’s. Seeing that there was no way Eric was going to let up, Nat broke down as they said those awful words again.

“I learned that… I’m a weakling.”

“Well done.” The whisper in their ear was excruciating and their feeling of shame only strengthened by Eric wiping a thumb over their cheekbone, drying their tears, and he gently patted them on the cheek.

“You may eat,” he said, and he put the baton with the blood still stained on it back on the breakfast tray before he left.


	11. Reminders

“Good morning. Did you sleep well?”

Eric entered the room, all smiles and kindness, but the question was a cruel test and Nat knew what the correct answer was.

“Yes, sir.” They sat on the thin mattress with their back against the wall, glaring up at Eric.

“So close, Nat. I believe I also told you not to lie to me. You look like hell.”

It had been hard to fall asleep. No matter how they tried to position themselves everything hurt. The bruises on their back, the bruised and hopefully not yet broken ribs when they tried their side, and the beaten up front, none were good options. Not to mention they had no idea what to do with their broken arm, too scared to move it around too much in case it wouldn’t heal right. But they weren’t sure if they had been able to sleep even if they had been comfortable. Their mind had been racing in fear and shame. Surprisingly, the whirling thoughts had stopped immediately once they’d heard the door open. Eric’s presence helped them focus on one thing only, no time for doubts and reminiscing, just endure and survive.

Perhaps the lack of sleep made them irritable and thus more careless but they couldn’t help the sarcastic remark that slipped from their lips.

“Must’ve been someone else’s doing, sir.”

Eric pursed his lips, which troubled Nat as they couldn’t see if it was in delight or annoyance.

“And I warned you not to mouth off,” Eric said, his tone betraying nothing of his feelings. “Looks like those lessons didn’t sink in yet.”

Nat swallowed their sassy demeanor and kept quiet, afraid Eric would beat them again. But the man turned and beckoned for Nat to follow him out.

“Come, it’s too dark in here.”

Nat didn’t like the sound of that but they followed Eric into the large white room. Inadvertently their eyes wandered around the room, not quite knowing what they were looking for until they felt a sharp pang of hunger. They hadn’t had anything to eat since yesterday’s breakfast, which had been nice but had tasted like ash and tears after the brutal beating. Now their eyes roamed around the room in search of anything Eric may have brought with him but no such luck this time.

“You hungry?” Eric noticed them looking around. He stepped in front of Nat and the air about him shifted drastically. “Then tell me where you hid that baton and I may ask Kyle to bring you something.”

Nat tried to step back, but Eric’s hand shot out and grabbed them by the throat.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice and don’t think you can weasel your way out of this. I don’t need that thing to beat the shit out of you,” he growled.

Silently beating themselves up for thinking they could’ve sneaked it away Nat let out a resigned sigh. They should have kneecapped the bastard with it as soon as he had walked in, but that morning they also knew they didn’t have the strength to attempt an escape.

“It’s under the mattress,” they mumbled, eyes averted.

Eric pushed them away by their throat. “Good,” he whispered, but didn’t move and made no attempts to go see if Nat spoke the truth. Would the man actually tell them to go fetch it? If he did, they might still get a chance to— _no!_ Too dangerous!

“Get on your knees.” Eric’s sudden burst of anger seemed to have dissipated, though there was still a hint of danger in the edge of his voice.

Nat grudgingly obliged, knowing full well by now that resistance wasn’t much of an option. If they’d get on their knees one way or another, they’d prefer it without another fist in their stomach.

“I’m not sure if you’re trying to appease me or if you just don’t have any pride.”

Nat grit their teeth in anger, but didn’t say anything. Humiliation was running hot through their veins, but for now it was better than more unnecessary pain.

“So what would you say if I were to ask you now to kiss my shoes.”

“No, sir,” Nat said, a little surprised at the determination they heard in their own voice despite the anger and fear swirling in their stomach. They kept their eyes down, though, as they were sure Eric would recognise the fear in them.

Eric hummed. “We’ll see, I guess.”

He curled his fingers through Nat’s hair and pulled them back.

“Let go! Stop!” Nat started screaming immediately when they felt his fingers tightening in their hair. They clutched and clawed back at the hand.

Eric chuckled. “You’re not strong enough to turn those words into an order.” He kept pulling and lowered them down onto their back. With their legs painfully straining back, Nat unfolded them from under them and stretched them out. Before they had a chance to even try to get up, Eric stepped over them and straddled their hips.

Eric’s finger hooked around the collar of Nat’s black long-sleeved shirt. He leaned forward and reached for his back pocket, where he’d hidden the butterfly knife he’d taken out earlier before he went to get Nat. His finger pulled at the collar and he tipped the blade under it, leaving an ever so small prick into the skin.

“Such a shame you don’t wear white,” he murmured and lifted the knife away from their skin to cut the shirt away.

Nat couldn’t do anything to stop it. With a soft rip their shirt was cut open, slowly revealing their bruised chest and stomach. They could only move their right, uninjured arm, but knowing it wouldn’t help anyway, that Eric would not hesitate to pin their wrist down painfully under his knee, they kept their arm on the floor. They marvelled at the familiarity of the scene; Eric, again, pinning them down on their back with that awful knife in his hands.

They were pulled out of their daze when they felt a painful tug at their shoulder. Eric tried to push the fabric to the side, but the fibres of their shirt had caught in the wound and pulled painfully at the cut.

With a soft and inquisitive ‘oh’, Eric let his fingers brush over the dried blood. “What do you think? Like a band-aid? Or slowly?” He grinned as Nat didn’t reply but he felt their body tense up. “This may hurt a little.” And in a single motion he ripped the fabric out, tearing the skin and scab off with it.

Nat failed in biting back their full scream but quickly snapped their jaw shut, turning the sounds into pained moans as they squeezed their eyes.

Dabbing with the remains of their shirt at the blood that now started to well up, Eric let the two parts of their shirt fall to the side, fully exposing their body. He admired the deep red and dark bruises.

“Shame these will fade…” he purred and traced the outlines of the blue marks with his knife, scratching at the skin. With his other hand he pressed hard on one of the black stains, making Nat hiss in pain.

“Perhaps we should make these… a little more permanent,” Eric grinned.

“No, no, please--” Nat wanted nothing more than just for the man to get off of them and leave them alone. But if they couldn’t fight him off, and if begging didn’t work, what other options did they have?! The panic of feeling so desperately helpless and defenseless clawed around in their chest.

The tip of the knife penetrated the lighter skin just above the bruise. Nat’s pleas were abruptly cut off when Eric carved a curved line following the edge of the bruise, creating a long cut around the blackened skin.

“Let these serve as a nice reminder of everything you learned, hm? A reminder of how you were too weak to do anything about any of this.” A malicious grin spread over Eric’s face as he pulled the knife away and watched the red drops against their dark skin. He let the knife drift to another bruise and cut a line through it.

All Nat could do, the only thing they had at least a bit of control over, was to try to stifle their whimpers. They couldn’t stop the hurt, couldn’t stop the tears, couldn’t stop the blood. Even the screams that were drawn from their throat were involuntary, so the least they could do was try to bite their sobs back.

“Tell me, do these cuts hurt more or—“ Nat’s body jerked up as this time Eric let the knife sink into the middle of a dark bruise. “Ohh, I guess it does. Let’s try that again.”

He hovered the knife to another bruise and carved a small X in the discolored skin.

“Please, I did everything you asked, sir. I can’t…”

“You did, dear. So well,” Eric cooed. “Which is why it’s so important that you remember to do so every time I ask you something.”

Nat couldn’t take it anymore, just laying down and letting it happen, and even though they knew it wouldn’t help they raised their arm up in an attempt to pull the knife away, closing their fingers around Eric’s wrist.

“Careful,” Eric tutted. “I might just slip there.” He pried Nat’s wrist away and he pressed it down to the floor, his body lowering deeper over Nat as well, leaning on their wrist to support himself.

“Please,” Nat begged. “Please, just sto-OP!” The knife carved another cut. “Please, just let me go, please…”

“Shh, shh, I said I would take good care of you until Sunday, right?” He caught a drop of blood running down Nat’s side with the blade.

“This is not good c—“

“Oh, it is, hun, it is. This, these couple days, us getting together? This is me taking good care, being nice to ya. Now…” he hovered the blade above Nat’s face. The blood on the blade slowly made its way to the tip, dripping down onto Nat’s cheek. It mixed with the tears, creating a dull red stream down their face.

“You don’t want me to get serious here.”


	12. Monday

When Eric entered the room Nat immediately felt on edge. He was pissed.

“It’s Monday,” was all Eric said. He looked down at Nat, who hadn’t bothered to get up yet.

“So you’re here to let me go…” Nat started hopefully, but in response all they got was a slap across the face and they fell silent with a soft whimper.

“Describe to me, please, Nat, what happens during one of your team’s operations? Like for instance… how many people are on the team?”

“It’s… we were a team of six.”

“Six people, hm?” Eric pretended to be deep in thought. “Yeah, no, guess I didn’t miss anything then yesterday.”

“They didn’t—“

“They were a no-show, Nat,” he snapped. “Unless of course…” his sentence trailed off and he looked down at Nat, making direct eye-contact, gauging their reaction.

“You lied to me.”

“No… no, I didn’t,” Nat started, they desperately needed Eric to believe them.

Eric ignored them; he slowly unbuttoned his cufflinks and started rolling up his sleeves.

Nat swallowed hard at the sight. “Eric, please, honestly—“ The intense stare they received made them fall silent and they quickly corrected themselves. They were in enough trouble as it was. “Sir, please, they must have decided to—“

“Quiet.”

Eric sank down to one knee and took ahold of their chin, tilting their head up slowly, forcing Nat to make eye contact. He looked them deep in the eyes and Nat held his gaze, afraid that looking away would make them look guilty.

“You didn’t lie?” Eric asked.

“No, sir,” Nat immediately replied.

“You sure?” The fingers dug deeper into their chin.

“Yes, si-,” but they were sharply cut off as his fingers pushed his chin away and a harsh backhand cracked across their face. For a second, Nat didn’t understand what was happening. They were cooperating, sticking to the rules, telling the truth. What more did he want?! They scrambled back when they saw Eric’s hand reach out to them again, back as far as they could, flattening themselves against the wall, twisting their face to the side as Eric inched closer to them.

“E—Please, I didn’t lie! _Please!_ ”

Eric shushed them. He pushed their face back with just a finger so they were facing him, jabbing the bruise on their cheekbone before he let his finger trail down to their lips, silencing them. He inched his knee between their legs, slowly getting closer, pinning them to the wall. _No! No, no, stay away from me!_ Nat put their arm against his chest, trying to create some distance. Eric let them, leaning heavily against it.

“I pulled everything and everyone out,” Eric hissed, his fingers sliding through Nat’s hair. “Not a copper in sight. Do you know what that cost me, Nat, hm? Do you?!” He banged their head back against the wall, holding it there.

Nat grunted, fighting against the dizzy spell that pounded through their head. “Please,” they stammered.

The hand gripping their hair released and tightened into a fist. They couldn’t do anything to stop it. The force of the blow made them fall to the side on their shoulder. Eric straightened up and immediately followed up with a brutal kick to their abdomen. Coughing, spluttering, Nat tried to crawl away, but another kick in the ribs made them double over in pain. They tried to shield themselves as they curled up. Eric didn’t let up, he kept kicking finding every weak spot. Nat let out an anguished scream as their ribs couldn’t take it anymore. They felt a crunch, heard it break. They made themselves as small as possible, screaming for Eric to stop, to just _stop!_

Finally, Eric had enough. Over their own ragged breathing and whimpers Nat heard Eric panting as well. He was leaning his head on his forearm against the wall, hovering over them.

“So,” he whispered, his eyes snapping down to Nat, regaining his composure. He prodded his foot under Nat’s body, encouraging them to sit back up against the wall. “You’re saying they just let a chance like that slip through their fingers? You’re saying they put _you_ over the mission?” He knelt down again and pulled the struggling Nat further up by their broken arm and let them slump against the wall.

Nat trembled under him. How they just wanted to slip down, lie down again, but they kept pushing themselves up, their one arm taking all the weight shaking hard. They nodded, too exhausted and breathless to bring themselves to answer right away. Too scared to speak.

“Answer me,” Eric growled. He pushed closer.

“Yes, sir,” Nat shuddered. “They must have decided it was too dan—“ a whimper cut through their stammering as Eric slapped them.

“They must’ve come to the conclusion that you would rat them out, yeah.”

The words had more impact than Nat would have thought, even though the same thoughts had swirled around in their mind ever since they couldn’t keep the information from Eric. But hearing them now felt like a punch in the gut.

Eric’s eyes glided over Nat. “I bet they really regret it now, taking you along for the raid.”

“They’ll come for me, just you wait.” Nat panted.

“Oh my, is that supposed to scare me? Are you trying to deflect? Because honey, you’re the one who’s supposed to be scared.” He took in Nat’s trembling form. The small and clearly useless defiance made him smile and he perked up. It felt like an open invitation and the delight returned in his eyes. “You’ve been here for four days, they sure are taking their sweet time. Maybe they’re glad to lose the dead weight. Maybe they just left you at the raid.”

He could barely make out Nat shaking their head. _No. They didn’t. They wouldn’t!_

“What, then? Do you think they need a reminder?”

Nat looked up, a little confused, and saw Eric pull his phone out of his pocket, aiming the camera at them.

“Like picture proof that you’re still here and _desperately_ in need of saving?”

“No, don’t,” Nat whispered in horror.

“If you think a photo won’t do the trick I don’t mind taking a video either. What do you think…? Perhaps we need to make it a little more bloody. Make sure they see that it’s urgent.” He raised his hand and Nat cowered away.

“No?” He gave a soft mocking laugh but let his phone slip back into his pocket. His hand, still raised threateningly, slowly moved to the side of Nat’s face, the soft touch not to be mistaken for kindness, and he forced Nat to look at him again. “Tell me, who is going to come for you, hm?”

Nat’s thoughts wandered to their team. They were sure they were working hard, looking for clues where Eric would be hiding and holding them. Jeff wouldn’t give up.

“Ohh, yes, someone just came to mind, right?” Eric said. “I could see them pop up behind your eyes. Tell me,” he added threateningly. The fingertips that had been resting gently against their skin now closed around their jaw.

“Jeff will find me,” Nat said.

“That’s nice,” Eric cooed. “Jeff, huh? What’s his full name?”

“Jeffrey.”

Eric chuckled. “I mean his last name.”

“Fowler.”

“Why would he come for you?”

“We’re partners,” Nat choked out.

Eric gave a soft tut. “No, no, Nat. I mean, why would he come for you when you fucked everything up?”

Nat gave a soft snivel, but didn’t crumple at the words. “He’ll come,” they whispered to themselves.

With a sigh, Eric noted he was probably not going to get much more out of them. “Well, good talk.” Eric patted a hand on Nat’s shoulder, leading them to hope he was about to leave. But instead, when Eric got up he landed another harsh punch to their face.

“Let’s get back to it.”


	13. For you

The days after Nat’s confrontation with Eric in the interrogation room, Nat noticed they were getting more and more frustrated. Memories kept flooding back in. Sleeping was hell; nightmares kept them up, that is, if they were able to fall asleep. Most nights they just kept pondering, second-guessing and blaming themselves about everything. Their temper was shot and unfortunately, Jeff took the brunt of it.

Nat knew what they were doing. They knew they were unbearable lately and how Jeff was taking it, without complaint. He said it was good they were getting it out. Nat still hated themselves and tried to stay calm, but when they kept pressing Jeff for details on the cancelled raid, they noticed even Jeff had a breaking point.

“I called it off, okay?!” Jeff shouted.

Even though Nat had been waiting for that answer, they still stared at him in disbelief. “Why…?”

“Why?! We lost our main team member in this operation, no, not lost… they were abducted by the guy we were trying to catch. You think I was going to, one, endanger the rest of the team, and two, endanger _you_ any further with you being god knows where?!” Annoyed, Jeff threw himself on the couch in their shared office. His arms resting on his knees, his head bent down he tried to collect himself.

Anger quickly turned to shame and second-guessing again. Nat fiddled their thumbs. “I wasn’t a main—“

“You were the one pulling the strings on this operation, Nat, I don’t care if it was behind the scenes. Stop downplaying yourself.” Jeff snapped up straight again and leaned forward.

“If we went there, if we went ahead with it, sure, we might have gotten ourselves another lead to find out where Eric was keeping you. But I, _we_ , couldn’t risk you already being dead, shot in revenge or beaten to a pulp or whatever, by the time we got there because we kept pushing. So please, don’t ask me why we called it off.”

“He still…” but Nat quickly held their tongue, unwilling to say it. Besides, something else snagged their mind.

“You said you didn’t want to endanger the team…” they started. “Why would they be in danger if they had no idea we were coming?”

Jeff opened his mouth in reply, but didn’t find the words. “We… we were a man down and it would be too—“

“You didn’t trust me?”

“I did… I do! But I was also hoping you’d look after yourself in the situation and not trying to play the hero.”

“You knew I was going to give you up.”

“No. Nat, look at me.”

“Don’t say that!” Nat shuddered, the words bringing them right back. Jeff winced at the intensity in their voice, realizing he made a mistake.

“Do you know what he--!” Nat started screaming but instantly caught themselves. They took a deep breath and tried to calm themselves, turning away from Jeff for a second. “He assumed I’d lied to him,” they settled on.

“I’m sorry,” Jeff said.

A heavy silence filled the room.

“So you did tell–“

“Yes! I told him, okay!? It’s kinda hard to refuse when you get thousands of volts running through you!”

Nat instantly regretted saying that. The look on Jeff’s face, the ever so quick flash of pity, horror and shame that crossed over it, those were the exact reasons why they didn’t want to tell him about what they went through.

“I didn’t think you were going to give us up,” Jeff whispered. “But I had to consider it. Please, Nat, not just for you, I had to keep the possibility in mind that if we got at the docks that they’d be waiting for us. For both our sakes, I couldn’t let that happen. We’d both be out of our minds if something happened to any of the others.”

“Please, don’t,” Nat sat down next to him.

“Instead of the bust, we focused all our attention on finding you. I called it off and all the reasons were for you, to find you, to keep you from harm, to keep you from…”

“Playing the hero,” Nat finished grimly.

“To keep you from _having_ to play the hero.”

Nat’s scoffing grin turned into a warmer smile. “You wanted to keep that role to yourself, hm?”

“God, no.” Jeff gave a short laugh. “I let the SWAT team handle your rescue for a reason. I didn’t trust myself to not slaughter anyone in my way. Wouldn’t be very heroic.”

“I’m sorry,” Nat said after a short silence.

“Don’t be,” came the expected, calm answer. “But… if you really are sorry…”

“I’m not going. Nat immediately cut him off. They knew what was coming next.

“Then when do you plan to confront all this, hm? In a full courtroom with Eric gloating and telling in excess detail what he did to you?” Jeff didn’t raise his voice but Nat could feel his frustration.

“You just want someone to tell me that I need to talk to you about what happened.”

“No, Nat,” Jeff spoke slowly. “I want you yourself to come to terms with what happened to you first. Help you with the nightmares. Help you get back into your rhythm. I want you to be able to open up to someone in a safe place. And _if_ , if that leads to you wanting to tell me then I’ll listen. But you can’t keep bottling this up.”

 _I know!_ Everything Jeff said logically made sense. As if Nat wanted their life to be ruled by fear now. Talking to someone, telling Jeff… it wouldn’t undo any of it. It wouldn’t magically solve everything and it wouldn’t help in returning things to the way they were before. But… maybe… it would stop everything spiraling out of control and making it even worse.

“Okay.” Nat barely even heard the words. They nodded and said it again.

“Okay. Fine. Set it up.”


	14. Your name

“I meant to ask you again about your name,” Eric started. He looked at Nat, who was sitting warily in the corner. He kept twirling the knife in his hand, playing with it, picking his nails. Not as much of a threat, really, just a show that the conversation can twist easily.

Nat closed their eyes, exasperated.

“I searched you in the system, but you’re not logged as Nat Hirano. Did you lie to me? Did you just think of some name?”

“No, sir, I swear, this is my name.”

“Your nickname maybe. I asked around and no-one knows of the name ‘Nat’ except as a nickname for Nathalie. So what is this, do you have a girls’ name? Are you ashamed of that?” He grinned.

“I don’t want to talk to you about this.”

“But I do. Don’t you want to go a day without pain? Would be a nice change of pace, no? I’m willing to let you rest for the day, I’ll even get you a nice dinner, but in exchange, you have to tell me a little about yourself. Just a short talk.” He held the knife up and put it on the table he was sitting on.

Nat let out an uncomfortable sigh. It was a tempting offer. Yesterday’s beating had been intense and now that the raid deadline had passed, they had no idea when (or if…) they’d be able to get out of here. A day’s rest would be much appreciated and just for talking for a bit? Unfortunately, it wasn’t that easy. Nat didn’t talk about this to a lot of people and to be quite honest they could do without telling an enemy about personal matters. But their bones ached and their muscles were exhausted. They didn’t know what Eric was planning for the day but they weren’t sure they were able to take it.

“Nat is an abbreviation. It’s neither a boy’s nor a girl’s name.” Nat conceded.

“So, unisex?” Eric asked, intrigued. He pulled up his legs, putting his feet on the wobbly chair in front of him, and leaned forward.

“It’s… yes.”

“Are you?”

Nat looked up. “I’m non binary.”

Eric hummed, his curiosity piqued. Nat was waiting for the mockery to start, but instead, Eric’s tone was soft.

“Then I must apologize,” was all he said on the matter, but Nat almost couldn’t believe what they were hearing. This man, this sadistic piece of shit, after everything he did he was apologizing for misgendering them?

“What’s your birth name?” Eric continued, only noticing the flare of anger in Nat as they kept quiet.

“Come on, my mercy only applies as long as you’re able to hold a conversation. If I want to hear mono-syllabic grunts and short snappy replies, I have other ways of getting those sounds out of you.”

His fingers moved to the knife next to him, giving it a little flick to spin the blade and point it at Nat.

The threat snapped Nat back. With a soft nod, they backed down and tried to swallow their pride to save themselves more pain. They sat back and tried to relax, tried to avoid looking at Eric so they could pretend they were just talking to someone else.

“My birth name is Natsuki. For me it’s a boy’s name but it’s also a common name for girls. I always liked that it could be both ways.”

“Why change it then?”

“When I got older and started school I always thought it was weird that people couldn’t say the name right. It’s not that hard. So I asked people to call me Natsu, but that still proved difficult to pronounce right for some and to me it felt like more of a boy’s name. After a while I just settled on Nat.”

Nat didn’t mind as much that people couldn’t pronounce their name right, but when people used it in combination with the wrong pronouns, it felt even more off. _No, that’s not who I am. I am not Natsoo, I am not ‘him’_. It felt like people didn’t see them for what they were. Getting their name wrong. Getting their identity wrong as well. Often it may have been unintentional, but Nat felt like both their name and their feelings weren’t acknowledged, or even worse, denied.

Just ‘Nat’ made everything so much easier. It didn’t have any extra meaning. It was neutral and they could hide in it. No corrections, no explanations. Nat meant whichever meaning they would want to give it, shift their identities as they’d please. It could even mean ‘Natsuko’, a more feminine name which Nat always thought was more pretty.

“Natsuki,” Eric tested the pronunciation as Nat had said it, placing emphasis on the first syllable. “It’s Japanese, right? What does it mean?”

“It can have different meanings depending on how you write it. Mine means ‘summer’ and ‘joy’.”

“Do people know? Do they call you by your real name? Does… Jeff?” This time his grin turned malicious. Nat felt unnerved but still answered.

“Most people just call me ‘Nat’ and don’t ask.” They hesitated, not sure why he wanted to know specifically about him. “Jeff uses all my names.”

Thinking back on it, after Nat told Jeff about their names, Jeff would automatically call them by the name they wanted. Nat hadn’t even told him to do so but appreciated it immensely. He often called them Natsuki and had listened well to how Nat pronounced it. Whenever they decided to dress up or use make up, Jeff would affectionately call them Natsuko. Or, when presenting a male identity, he’d call them Natsu. If they weren’t alone in their spare time, when they were working or out, he’d stick to Nat.

“Are you two together?” Eric asked.

“No.”

“You sound like soulmates or whatever.”

Sure, maybe. Nat had to admit, they were very close. They’d hit it right off after Nat was assigned to be Jeff’s partner and they felt real at ease with him. They didn’t have to pretend or hide and they could just be themselves without having to worry. Jeff wasn’t a judgmental person in general and respected Nat immensely.

They heard Eric shift on the table and looked up. He’d gotten to his feet, knife in hand again and Nat pressed back.

“Please, I told you what you asked,” they started, but Eric made no attempts to get closer to them.

“I know, dear, you did real well.” Eric gave them a wink. “As promised, I’ll leave you to get some rest.” He folded his knife and made for the door.

“Who knows what lies in store for tomorrow, hm?”


	15. That broke the camel's back

Nat teetered dangerously. They held out their arms, hoping for any form of support, but the large, empty room didn’t offer any such comfort and before they knew it they collapsed to the floor. Eric stood and watched, not moving a muscle. Only his eyes moved, his pupils following Nat down.

“So Nat, what did you learn today?”

But Nat didn’t hear him.

“Nat?” He snapped his fingers.

The sound brought Nat back to the room. “Yes, sir?”

“I asked what you learned today?”

Nat swallowed hard. “I’m…I’m not sure I learned anything today, sir,” they said and pushed themselves up to their feet, stumbling lightly.

Eric hummed. That low inquisitive hum twisted with a hint of impatience.

“Let’s start over then. If you still have the gall to lie to me like that you didn’t learn anything indeed.”

He walked away from Nat and opened one of the drawers. “And here I thought I had already taught you this.” He shook his head.

Nat’s stomach dropped and their eyes went wide when Eric turned and they could see what he was holding.

“No… no, wait, I… I just forgot for a second, that’s all. Please, no, please, sir, I can answer—“

“You forgot? Let me refresh your memory then.”

“No, no, that’s not neces—“ But the harsh sound of the whip cracking the air effectively silenced them.

Eric advanced on them, pulling the end of the whip, snapping it between his hands. Nat fell to their knees, their hands up in surrender. A whispered ‘please’ crossed over their lips as they looked up at Eric, their pleading eyes wide in horror. They winced as Eric let the whip fall over their shoulder, softly pulling at it. The tip slithered over their back, leaving a trail of goosebumps.

“Let me tell you what you’re going to learn here, Nat, and don’t forget again, because it’s an important lesson.” He whirled the length of the whip around their neck and pulled them up.

“You. Do not. Lie. To me.”

Nat’s fingers tried to pull the leather away from their neck. “No, sir. Please—“ but Eric cut of their air further by pulling harder.

“No, no, shhh, no begging for now. Just show me you understand. You will not lie to me.” He eased up so Nat could answer.

“No, sir, I won’t.”

“Say it.”

“I will not lie to you, sir.”

Eric loosened the whip and pulled it back. “Good. Now, I think you know, but when trying to learn something, repetition works wonders. We need to make sure this sinks in, right?”

“No, please, I get it, okay?! _I get it_!” Nat screamed in horror, their scream rising into a wordless, desperate screech as Eric pulled them along by their broken arm towards the wall.

With no choice but to go along, lest their broken arm would twist further, Nat resisted the urge to dig their heels into the floor and stumbled along behind Eric, tears staining their terror-struck face.

Eric threw them against the wall and watched them slump against it as he reached behind him for the handcuffs he’d hooked in his belt loop. His cold eyes snapped down to Nat when he heard them begging while he cuffed their injured arm. He held still for a moment, wondering if he should grant them a small mercy, but decided against it and pulled their arm up to the hook bolted in the wall. He hooked the chain on it and grabbed Nat’s other wrist, chaining them to the wall.

Again, Eric took his knife from his pocket and sliced through the back of the new shirt he’d given Nat, letting it reveal their bruised back. He walked backwards, unfurling the whip, testing it, all the while keeping his eyes fixed on Nat. They were shaking hard. They sat high on their knees, pulling at the chains, trying to find a position to try and give their broken arm some leeway.

Nat turned, their head twisting to look back at Eric, trying to see what was going to happen, _when_ it was going to happen.

“Don’t look back or it’ll catch you across the face,” Eric warned with a smile.

They were wheezing, shallow breaths. Hyperventilating until the breath hitched in their throat. They let their head lean against the wall, breathing frantically, sharp breaths in and shallow puffs out until their chest felt ready to explode.

“Nat.” No response.

Another crack of the whip. They flinched hard and shrunk down, only realising after a bit there was no pain yet.

“Nat!” That got their attention. “Breathe.”

They let out all the breath locked in their lungs and took a deep breath in.

“That’s it. Relax, okay?”

Just as they felt their muscles relax and their breathing returning in a regular rhythm, everything exploded in pain.

The whip split a large red line into their skin. Nat’s mouth fell open in shock, but no sound made it past their lips. Another hit, another cut right across the first and Nat snapped their teeth together in pain.

Another crack. Nat buckled. It’s like the soundwave cut right through their back. The sickening cruel sound making it even worse. They felt a soft trickle tingling down. The soft trail of blood making its way down their back. Nat’s head stooped down, snapped back up again as another hit landed. Their back arched as far as their body allowed.

“Just let it out, Nat. Just because you’re a cop doesn’t mean you can’t get hurt. You’re allowed to show you’re in pain. You’re human.”

Nat screamed at the next strike, not sure if it was because of Eric’s goading or it they truly couldn’t hold it back. They slumped down, only to be held up by the chains, their own weight pulling at the broken bones.

Eric picked up the pace, aiming his blows over every part of Nat’s back. Nat barely had time to breathe. Every strike violently forced the air out of their lungs in a scream.

‘Please!” they screamed.

Eric let his whip speak for him.

A broken cry echoed out quickly followed by another crack.

Breaking the fast snaps, Eric set into a slow rhythm, savouring the cries instead of letting each scream bleed into the next. Soon the sharp yells died down to soft and longer grunts of despair, the harsh pain settling into burning agony.

“No… no more.” Nat tried to stay upright. The handcuffs pulled at their wrists. Every time the whip crossed over their back, their broken arm jerked against the cuffs. Nat desperately tried to stay upright, but the pain made them sag down further and further with every hit.

Again and again, Eric brought down the whip until Nat was hanging by their wrists and their back was a red mess. Nat stopped pleading after, what, they weren’t sure. They had long lost count.

It finally stopped and they vaguely registered Eric now stood next to them, fiddling with the hand cuffs. With a soft _chink_ the pressure on their chafed wrists lifted and they slid down against the wall, falling to their side.

“So,” Eric addressed the limp and broken figure on the floor. He pressed his foot to Nat’s shoulder, pushing them from their side to their back so he could see their eyes. Nat grunted as their weight shifted painfully to the wounds. Their eyes were unfocused, almost blank as they stared up at Eric.

“You remember that answer yet?”

“No one… is c-coming for me,” Nat stammered, and everything went black.


	16. Aftercare

“Jesus, Eric, what did you do to him?”

“Oh, come on, Shaun. Like you haven't seen worse around here. Just fix them up a little.”

“Did you disinfect the wounds yet?”

“I disinfected my whip?”

“Goddamnit Eric, you always do this.”

“I just like watching you work.”

“No, you like watching me hurt them.”

Nat opened their eyes just far enough to see Eric’s vague figure shrug. He stood behind a man they hadn’t seen before. The man had thrown the covers of the bed back and knelt next to Nat, examining their back.

“Did you cover him, Eric?” He looked back to catch Eric’s nod. “Why?”

“Maybe I wanted to be nice for once?”

“His back’s carved up to hell. You do realise that with wounds like these he doesn’t need a blanket to stay warm? It doesn’t offer him protection from infection! Or do you want the wounds to close up and have me pull the blanket out from the healed tissue?! This guy doesn’t need ‘nice’ gestures, especially not from you, Jesus, Eric, just lay off him for a while.”

“I can make no such promises,” they heard the joy radiating through Eric’s voice. “I don’t know how much longer I can keep them here.”

Even though Nat didn’t dare to hope, those words that they probably weren’t supposed to hear gave way to a flicker of warmth inside their chest. Maybe this could all be over soon.

“Being nice,” the man grumbled, shaking his head. His hands were roaming over Nat’s back, shaking a little as he didn’t dare touch the welts. Some were still open, bleeding. Nat felt him move away and heard liquid sloshing.

“This is going to hurt. Relax.”

 _What? What’s going on? You’ll help me, right?_ From their daze, Nat didn’t understand, didn’t fully register everything they heard. Until their back exploded in a harsh pain. A scream remained stuck in their throat. Their back arched as it was on fire. Each and every one of the cuts was burning. Then, the world went black again.

“What about their arm? I think I felt the bones shift. That doesn’t seem good.” Eric’s voice sounded distorted, distant.

Nat opened their eyes again. They were still breathing hard into the mattress. For a couple of seconds, the world had been tolerable and painless until they were pulled back to reality. They felt the mattress shift under them as the man moved closer.

“Your medical knowledge astounds me,” they heard his dry reply. He patted softly at Nat’s back, cleaning the wounds, reaching back for some clean bandage every now and then.

“You seem agitated, Shaun.”

The man turned to Eric. “Maybe you shouldn’t be keeping cops here. Why don’t you beat on some of the punks downstairs?”

“They’re not as fun,” Eric almost pouted.

Nat felt the man get up from the bed and suddenly he crouched into their line of vision. His hands moved to their broken arm. They flinched; the movement charging to their back, bringing more pain. Nat looked up, hoping to see mercy in the man’s eyes, but all they saw was a tiredness, like he was fed up with all of this. Still, when he spoke directly to Nat, the words were soft and betrayed a certain level of pity.

“I’m sorry, really,” he said. “I’m going to have to re-break the bone to set it right.”

Before Nat could even remember how to form a full word and mumble their protests, they felt strong hands on their arm.

“One…two…”

Eric’s eye twitched at the sharp sound of the break, but his lips twisted further into a smile with the scream that followed.

“I’ll come back later. He needs a proper splint for his arm.” The man got up and started gathering his things.

“If I let it rest, they can do fine without it, right?”

“You asked me to patch him up. Give him the damn splint!”

Eric winced as the door slammed shut. With an amused sigh, he squatted next to the bed.

“It’s so easy to get a rise out of that man,” he told Nat.

Nat whimpered softly. They were still in a daze trying to make sense of the world, but even though the doctor hurt them, a survival instinct told them that being alone again with Eric was much worse. At least the hurt now meant someone was looking out for them. Besides, the doctor seemed to keep Eric in check a little. Nat wondered vaguely why Eric put up with that lip.

Eric reached out to them and Nat squeezed their eyes shut. His presence meant only one thing: pain.

“Shh, relax,” Eric said. “I’m not gonna hurt you now. God, that would be too easy. All I’d have to do is run a feather over your back and there’s no fun in that. Shh,” he cooed again. His hand trailed over Nat’s cheek and even though the touch was an unwelcome one, Nat felt their body relax into the touch. They squeezed their eyes, trying to regain their focus on the world.

There were traces of dried blood on the underside of Eric’s chin and some stains on his shirt, leaving Nat to conclude in horror that he carried them here. Not that they knew where ‘here’ was. The only thing they knew was that this time they were lying on a soft bed, away from the contrasting dark and light rooms where they’d sleep on a thin mattress. This would probably be comfortable, if they could feel anything besides the burning pain in their back.

Eric stood and walked over to the table. “Now, the good doctor left a little something for you, but I’m not sure if I should give it to you.” He let two pills dissolve in some water, slowly swirling the glass around as he turned to Nat again. “On the one hand I’d like to have you back in the ring soon, but I have to admit I also like seeing you like this. Besides, I’m not sure you deserve this. Such a dilemma.”

He raised the glass. “What do you think? You want this?”

Nat felt too tired to speak. The only sound they could make was a soft approving moan.

“I asked if you wanted this,” Eric taunted.

It took all their effort just to breathe an almost voiceless ‘yes, sir’. Eric gave a nonchalant shrug and lowered himself in front of the bed again. Nat tried to shift their weight to lean over so they could drink. If they could just… push themselves up, by just a little… slowly, so it wouldn’t hurt, as much.

Eric gently pushed them along, sliding his hand under their shoulder. Nat froze and mumbled in protest.

“Relax, I’m not gonna push you on your back. Come on, just far enough, I don’t have a straw for you. You want this, push through. Then you can rest.”

With a little help, Nat was able to shift to their side and raise their head. They hissed in pain as they felt their muscles pull at the open skin. _Just a little, hold on._

Eric slowly brought the glass to their lips and tipped a little into their mouth. Nat’s eyes squeezed at the bitter taste but welcomed the liquid as it softened their dry lips and would bring more relieve soon.

“All of it, thaat’s it.” Eric set the glass on the floor and slowly lowered Nat back into the mattress.

As soon as Nat lay down on the pillow again, they felt themselves drift away. Sleep? Unconsciousness? Or just a blank world without pain? Anything would be fine, really.


	17. Nightmares

_“Nat?!”_

_They sat hunched in the dark room again, sitting against the wall, hugging their knees, when the door swung open. They looked up carefully and squinted their eyes against the light that flooded in, broken by a figure standing in the doorway._

_“Who… Jeff…?”_

_“Oh, god, I found you. I finally found you, thank god!”_

_A brief moment of immense relieve crashed over Nat. But with Jeff moving into the room, the light was still blocked and Nat realised in horror that another man was standing behind him._

_Nat pushed themselves up in an attempt to warn Jeff, push him out of the way, but they were suddenly held back by two chains wrapped around their wrists. They fell back and struggled in a panic. “No… no, Jeff, no, don’t. Get out. You have to get out!”_

_The sound of a taser crackling could be heard and Nat felt their stomach contract. Jeff however seemed oblivious to anything but Nat and didn’t hear anything._

_“Jeff… get out. Look ‘round, don’t you hear that?!”_

_“It’s okay, I’m here now, I’ll get you out.” He squatted down in front of Nat and tried to pry the chains off their wrists._

_“Jeff!”_

_He finally looked over his shoulder, his eyes widening as he saw Eric. He quickly turned and tried to get up, but a backhand slapped him hard across the face as he rose. Jeff stumbled back and before he could move, the taser crackled against his stomach. He shuddered, his mouth open in a soundless scream and collapsed next to Nat._

_Nat scrambled and tugged against the chains, trying to position themselves over Jeff to shield him. “No… no, no, please, leave him alone, Eric, please, I’ll do anything!”_

_“Anything? That’s a dangerous thing to offer me.”_

_Eric pulled Jeff up by the throat and slammed him against the wall next to Nat, the both of them just out of their reach. Jeff’s eyes were a blank, his body still twitching. When Eric pushed harder on his throat, the lack of air brought him back, his eyes darting around from Nat to Eric, switching between desperation and fear._

“Please _!” Nat pulled at the chains until they felt blood drip down their fingers. “Don’t kill him,_ no _!”_

_Jeff’s hands slackened around Eric’s wrists and before his eyes fluttered closed, he gave Nat a final look, his lips twitching up in a smile--_

Nat woke with a gasp, quickly followed by another second sharp intake of breath as they noticed they weren’t alone. Their body jolted further up at the sight of Eric sitting close, next to the bed. They tried to move back, away from him, but Eric caught them by the wrist, keeping them close to the edge of the bed. He smiled at the feeble attempt Nat made to pull back.

“Looks like you were dreaming about me.”

Nat looked up in horror to the softly narrowing eyes above them.

“You talk in your sleep,” Eric offered. “Kept muttering for Jeff. Did I do something to him?” He grinned and let Nat go.

Taking in a few shaky breaths, Nat closed their eyes for a second. _Just a dream._ They kept repeating the thought over and over in their mind. _Not real. Did not happen._ Will _not happen._

“Nat, what did I do?” Eric’s tone was dark, impatient. He leaned over, close to Nat.

“You…” Nat swallowed. “Jeff, he… but you…” Nat stumbled over their thoughts and their words. They shut their eyes closed. _No. No,_ they didn’t want to remember. Didn’t want to see again what Jeff’s final moments could look like.

Eric pressed a hand on their back, feeling around until he found one of the thicker patches under the bandages and pressed his finger into it. Nat gave a lurch and looked at the man.

“You killed him,” they whispered.

“Interesting,” Eric smiled fondly at the thought. “Did I shoot him?”

Nat whimpered. “Strangled him.”

“Hm, that sounds like something I would do. Nice and personal.” He let his hand roam up to Nat’s neck and reached around, giving them a small squeeze until a soft moan made him pull back.

“Is that what you’re most afraid of? Is that what your mind can’t put to rest?“

 _Yes_ , Nat thought. Even more so then being here, more than any torture Eric could put them through. Jeff coming here to rescue them but being killed instead, being killed because of Nat, because of their weakness… yes, that was their worst fear now.

“You know he’s not coming, right?” Eric’s eyes darted to Nat’s briefly.

“I know, sir,” Nat mumbled. They didn’t want him to either. It would just make their dream a reality.

“Good. I just taught you that yesterday. I’d hate to repeat the lesson.”

Nat gave a sniffle and shuddered at the thought of having to go through that again. “Please,” they begged. “Please, just let me go. I’ll tell everyone we were wrong. I’ll… You’re just a business man. You don’t deal drugs. You’re not… not who we thought you were. Just, please.”

“That’s all very nice of you, Nat,” Eric cooed. He peeled the bandage strip aside and picked at the plaster that had started to redden, the one he had pressed into just now. It gave him a yelp and a jerk. “Oops, sorry,” he grinned and patted the edges back again.

“Really, it’s a nice gesture. How are you going to explain this, though?”

“You had nothing to do with it. I was never here. I never saw you. All a misunderstanding.” Nat prattled.

“Oh, but Nat,” he tutted and smiled. “You’re a terrible liar. Come on, you know that would never fly. Best to just keep you here, give you some real stories to tell later.”

Eric moved from his chair over to the bed, sitting next to Nat, who gave a flinch at the unwanted proximity. “Now… I need to check on those cuts, see if there are no infections. You look fine to me but I need to keep Shaun off my back, you know.”

Eric peeled back the rest of the bandages loosely covering Nat’s back. Shaun hadn’t dared to sat Nat up, so he had mainly treated the deep wounds and covered their back loosely with some strips of bandage over the patches. “Hm, Shaun dressed these well.” Eric sounded disappointed as the bandage fell away, clean without a hitch. Most of the wounds had closed. The deeper cuts were dressed and covered with a large plaster. “He knows me so well. Do you think he’ll want me to disinfect these again?” He grinned at Nat.

“No, please, don’t. Leave it.”

Eric gave a shrug and reached over Nat, his hand resting over their injured wrist. “Can’t be too careful,” he taunted.

Nat tried to sit up, expecting Eric to do it anyway. “No, don’t, please—“

“Eric.” A growl sounded from outside the doorway.

“Hiya, Shaun,” Eric greeted him cheerfully. He knew full well what Shaun meant, but kept his hands on Nat’s wrist and back.

“Leave him the fuck alone.”

“You wound me, Shaun. I’m just checking up like you asked.”

“No, you’re not, you’re just fucking around. Get off.”

The grouchy doctor had indeed returned as promised, and while Nat was still a little afraid of him, he did get Eric to back off. Eric stood and let Shaun take his place.

“What’s this,” Shaun hissed, and pointed at the red stained plaster on Nat’s back.

“Must’ve reopened.”

“Get out.”

With a smile Eric sauntered off and stood in the doorway, leaning against the frame, keeping an eye on the duo.

“Did he give you the painkillers?” Shaun asked as he sat next to Nat.

“Yes, I did.”

“I didn’t ask you.” Shaun didn’t look up from Nat, who gave a nod. “Try to sit up then.”

A little surprised, Nat was able to push themselves from their stomach over to their side. It didn’t hurt as much anymore and with some help from Shaun, who was more gentle than last time, they were able to sit. Their muscles were trembling with effort, as they didn’t dare to sit back against the pillows yet.

Shaun checked on their wounds and helped them get their arm in a splint. It still hurt, but at least it eased Nat’s worrying that every time they moved their arm it would cause further permanent damage.

“It should heal better now,” Shaun reassured them. “If that idiot keeps his hands off it, that is.” He gave Eric a side-glance and got up. “Try to keep moving, don’t sleep on your back yet.”

In passing he grabbed Eric by the arm and guided him along, out of the room, leaving Nat in peace.


	18. Offer

“Kneel.”

Nat’s body responded almost automatically by now, the will to stay upright completely beaten out of them.

“Bow.”

Nat bent forward, leaning over on their arm keeping their broken arm limply by their side, the tears that were rolling over their cheeks dripped down their chin as they bowed. When they opened their eyes, they saw Eric getting closer, his shoe almost right under their nose.

“Remember?” he said, the grin on his face reflected in his voice.

Yes, they remembered. The flat-out refusal they’d given when Eric asked them what they’d do if he asked them to kiss his shoes. Amazing how in just a week things could change for the worst. Trying to keep their breathing under control, Nat gave a soft hiccup as they tried not to sob, tears now staining the shiny, brown dress shoe they were staring at.

“Lick that up,” came the command.

Nat squeezed their eyes shut tight. “No, please, sir, please, don’t ma—“

“Keep begging all you want, but all you’ll get out of it is that besides tears, you’ll also be licking up your own blood off of them.”

 _No! No, no, no_ , this was the one thing they absolutely couldn’t do. _I don’t want to! I can’t!_ They didn’t dare look up and were caught in their own conflict. Their lips trembled in fear, their breathing pattern was nearing hyperventilation, their nails scratched over the floor as their fingers curled tightly into fists. But if they didn’t, _ohh_ if they didn’t!

Eric nudged his toes up, encouraging Nat not to take too long.

Nat slowly bent forward. They had to do it, _they had to_. _Just do it. It’s not as bad as having your skin carved open! …right?_ The tip of their tongue poked out hesitantly. Nat shifted a little; they needed to get it over with as fast as possible. Just one lick and catch all the teardrops shimmering on that brown leather. They closed their eyes and did as they were asked. _Commanded. Blackmailed._

Their tongue swirled over his shoe. Nat tasted the salt and bitterness of their own tears. Or was it something else? _Just don’t think! Don’t think about it_.

“Very good, Nat.” Eric actually sounded impressed, which made everything so, so much worse. “Polish that a little for me, will you.”

Nat had been trying to lean their weight on their uninjured arm. Their back muscles protested as they contracted to pull their body up a bit and Nat pushed up from their hand so they could use their sleeve to clean their saliva off Eric’s shoe.

“We got this far in two weeks, who knows what I can have you do if you stayed here.” Eric purred. His shoe disappeared from Nat’s sight as he stepped away, seemingly satisfied.

Nat remained quiet and sat up again. If they could choose, they would go for the punch in the face, the kick in the ribs. But they couldn’t. It was either humiliation, or pain followed by humiliation. And it was true what they said; it cut _deep_. They stayed down on their knees, head down, trying to hide their shame. They didn’t dare get up yet without Eric’s permission.

“I’m really curious how far you’d go next week,” Eric droned on.

“Please, just let me go,” Nat mumbled to the floor.

“So you keep asking. But tell me, Nat. if I let you go… then what?”

Nat looked up, confused. They’d be back with their friends, with Jeff, get back to work. They’d recover, not be in constant pain anymore. Stop having to entertain this demon. Stop living in fear. … _No, wait, would they?_

“You think everything will be as before? You think your colleagues are waiting for you?”

“Of course they are.”

A malicious grin spread over Eric’s lips. “When I taught you not to lie, I meant not to yourself either.”

“I’m not…!” A deep fear started spreading from their stomach as they thought about the punishment for lying. The fear swirled up, corrupting their thoughts. Were they so naïve? Thinking that everything could go back to normal? _No, no!_ _Don’t believe him!_

Eric drew closer, but didn’t seem interested in enforcing his rules. He knelt in front of Nat. “Well, then I hate to be the bearer of bad news… but if you were in my team, I would be deadly annoyed were you to return.”

“Good thing you’re not in our team then,” Nat muttered, but the seed of doubt had been planted. _Would they? Would they hate me by now? Hate me for fucking everything up, for demanding to be a part of the raid. For needing protection all the time?_

“ _If_ I were to let you go… what’s in it for me?” Eric grinned as he saw Nat look up, the hope swimming in their eyes.

“I’ll stop looking into you. I’ll stop working on the case. Like I said, I’ll treat you as a normal business man.” Nat repeated their promises.

Eric hummed, looking like he was mulling it over. “I don’t know,” he drawled. “I don’t think you can fool your team into believing everything they worked on wasn’t true. And with you coming back to them… covered in scars, nah.”

“I’ll convince them!” Nat was desperate now. Anything to be able to walk out of here. They could convince Jeff to drop it all. It was too dangerous to keep going anyway.

“What if I don’t want you to?” Eric shifted to a more serious tone.

Nat blinked. Their brow furrowed ever so slightly. “What do you—“

“Keep going as usual. Report back to me.”

Nat’s breathing stopped for a second. “No.”

“It’ll be fine,” Eric continued. “Even if you do get caught, I doubt your team would mind. They’ll just blame themselves for trusting you. You already ratted them out once, they’ll know not to expect too much out of you.”

“No...” Nat breathed out again. “No, that wouldn’t help you anyway.”

“Oh, that’s what you’re worried about?” Eric let out a breathy laugh. “See, you’re already thinking about how to win my favor.”

“No, I mean—“

A hand ruffled through their hair as Eric walked past them. “Just think it over. I’ll give you the day off. Unless you need some reinforcement to come to the right decision. I’d be happy to give you a sneak peek of the coming days.” He winked over his shoulder and left the befuddled Nat alone.


	19. Just business

Eric sat alone at his desk, the office darkened, just a small desk light and the light from his screen illuminating his work. He despised deskwork and procrastinated a lot. He preferred dealing with people in his work, in whatever way possible; meeting people, making deals, doing business, blackmailing, beating the shit out of someone… But going out to play meant having to make up time later so here he was, late at night, sorting through the things that needed his attention. And his attention span was low.

He yawned and swiveled in his chair to put his feet up on the desk. It was mostly empty and would look just like the workplace of any other CEO, if it weren’t for the large switch knife resting on some files next to his computer.

He looked up as he noticed a figure walk in. Shaun. He raised his eyes to him and jutted his chin by means of greeting and kept reading his file. Normally he’d jump at the opportunity to get a conversation in, welcome the distraction, but it was late, he was tired, and he just wanted to finish up and leave.

Without saying a word, Shaun picked up Eric’s suit jacket, which lay forgotten over the chair across his desk, making room for himself and he sat down, his eyes wandering over the desk.

They sat in silence together for a few seconds until Shaun brought up what he came for.

“You see this?” Shaun leaned forward and picked up the folder on the corner of the desk.

Eric looked up and hummed. “Yeah, but I haven’t had time to really check it. Just gave it a glance, but I’m not sure if we should get involved.”

“I think you should accept. The money’s good and this deal is topside. Recognize him? He made the request.” Shaun held up the file, his finger extending and pointing to a photo attached to the paper.

“Should I?” Eric shook his head.

“Head of A C & G, big compliance firm. Accept and you’ll practically own them. Blackmail is such a wonderful thing. Works both ways.”

“How does a compliance firm even make enemies?!” Eric lifted his feet and turned to sit straight at the desk, taking the file from Shaun.

“I believe it was personal, I already checked them out. All clean,” Shaun said as he watched Eric flip through the pages. “Give it some thought, would you? Government is cracking down hard on money laundering with the new regulations coming up. We could use a bit more professional inside help for our fronts.”

Eric didn’t immediately reply. His eyes swirled over the pages, his lips unconsciously pulled in a thoughtful purse until he let the pages fall back and they curved in a smile. “Okay. Set it up. They’re fucking idiots, I like it.”

“As long as you don’t mind getting financial advice from these idiots.” Shaun took the file back and stood from the chair but he lingered.

“Why are you keeping the cop? It’s dangerous.”

Eric gave short laugh. “Now it’s my turn to ask if you don’t recognize them. No? Remember when this Asian kid came up to us? Revealed all the shit they had on us. I laughed them out of the building but it turns out they’ve been keeping up with their investigations. At first I thought they were a dumbass, putting a target on their back like that, but they’ve been quite a pain. They figured out a lot.”

He leaned forward on his desk. “Now I tried buying the police but they’re stubborn, so then what do you do?”

“You kill them,” Shaun said with a shrug.

“Now who’s a dumbass. Killing a cop in cold blood, really Shaun, it would end us.”

Eric smirked and shook his head. “You terrify them.”

“Fine, but you don’t do it here where everything ties it directly to you.”

“Unforeseen circumstances,” Eric sighed. “Fucking idiots of mine caught them and brought them here to cover their own asses. Now, maybe it’s just a happy coincidence.”

“Go easy, will ya. I don’t have time this week to look after him again.”

“You’re not going soft on me, right, Shaun?” Eric’s tired eyes lit up again with a mischievous twinkle. “You gave them painkillers, for heaven’s sake. You growing a conscience?”

“I don’t care what you do to your own guys to keep them in line, as long as it’s only that. _Keeping them in line_.”

“This is the same thing, Shaun,” Eric’s tone darkened. “If my guys are a danger to my business, I beat it out of them. This _cop_ , is a danger to my business.”

“And?” Shaun asked, knowing that wasn’t all.

“Aanndd, it doesn’t hurt that they’re a better chew toy than those punks. It’s stress relieving. As a doctor you should appreciate healthy living.” The smirk returned to Eric’s lips and he held his arms out, shrugging.

Shaun sighed. He held up the file. “I’m going to borrow Kyle for this.”

Before Eric could agree, his phone rang. Shaun took it as his cue to leave as Eric answered.

“Oh? …already? Didn’t expect that.” He waved at Shaun to come back. “Might come in handy, though. Let’s go. See you in five.”

He got up, put on his jacket and turned to leave with Shaun. “Change of plans.”


	20. Change of plans

Nat lay on their bed, restless. They had spent the day alone, mercifully, thinking over Eric’s offer. Even though they quickly came to the conclusion that they’d refuse, their thoughts kept spiraling out of control, urging them to reconsider. Nat knew Eric would keep beating on them until they would agree. And maybe they would. Scratch that. They _probably_ would cave over time, just like before. But not now. Would it save them a lot of pain and trouble if they were to say yes now? Absolutely. But Nat knew they couldn’t live with that and they’d prefer the punishment now instead of the punishment they’d dole out to themselves in time to come.

Eric had been Nat’s case. If they wanted to drop it, convince everyone that it would be too dangerous or just say that they couldn’t handle it anymore after everything, that’s something they could get away with. But to actually keep going and help Eric in the process? No. Even though both options would be beneficial to Eric, there was a world of difference for Nat.

Nat hoped they could stick to their resolution. It felt easy to refuse while they were alone without Eric hounding them and they knew things would be very different in the morning.

With effort they shifted over and turned to lay on their other side. Facing the door relaxed them just a bit more, being able to keep an eye on things so they could respond quickly if Eric were to burst in. The thought made them scoff. Yeah, sure, respond quickly with their back in shambles and their entire body broken. Nice thought, real realistic.

They hit the pillow in frustration and tried to get to sleep again until a strange sound from outside made them freeze. They kept still, not moving a muscle, not making a sound and they listened intently. Eric? No, he’d have opened the door by now. Besides it’s nighttime, right? Even though Nat’s sense of time was thoroughly screwed by now, they knew Eric never visited at night. But, well, there’s a first for everything.

Another sound followed by a _thunk_. Their anxious train of thought stopped and they pushed themselves up. Before they could do anything, an explosion of sound erupted all of a sudden.

Gunshots, shouting, overall sounds of fighting. Again, Nat froze but forced themselves to respond and tried to get up. _What the hell?!_ _What the hell was happening, what was going on?!_ There was a loud slam against the door followed by two more gunshots and suddenly everything was quiet.

Nat, primed and ready, sat half up on their hands and knees in the bed. Hints of a muffled conversation passed through the door. Nat strained to listen and a sudden harsh, breaking sound made them flinch. Another followed.

_Oh god no, they’re breaking down all the doors. Don’t come in here, don’t. They’re gonna kill me._

The sounds kept coming closer, until Nat was sure they were outside their door now.

The door flew open and a large, masked man carrying a rifle stood in the doorway.

Nat’s focus immediately drew to the muzzle. They threw themselves back against the wall and held their hands out.

“No, please, please, don’t kill me, I’m not part of…”

“Nat?”

The voice was familiar enough for Nat to stop muttering and they looked up from the gun to the masked man.

The man reached to his ear. “I found them, stand by.”

He lowered the gun and walked up to Nat, lifting the ski mask covering his face, revealing a broad smile.

“It’s me, Kelvin, we’re here for you. We’re getting you out.”

Kelvin was one of the members of Nat’s team. He was originally on the SWAT, but switched after getting injured and told everyone to ‘fuck that shit’, saying it was time to up his desk job ratio. He was happy helping out behind the scenes with the investigations, quite good at it too, and took the lead in raids and the more aggressive side of his ratio.

Relief washed over Nat, though their surprise lingered. “Wha- why? Why are you here?”

“Helping out the SWAT team. I volunteered, had to get you back. I was going crazy.” He knelt down in front of Nat, inspecting their injuries. “Figured it would help if a familiar face would show up, hm?” He smiled up at Nat, though his smile faltered a little when he noticed the bruises on their face and the bandage peeking out from under their shirt’s collar.

“Shit, man. Hey, can you walk? We don’t have much time.”

What Nat actually had meant was ‘why in the world would you come for me’, but they quickly shook it off. They were happy to see Kelvin and yes, a familiar face under all those anonymous masks helped immensely. A little clumsily, Nat edged off the bed. Kelvin grabbed their arm to help them up. His other hand slid to their back to keep them in balance, but Nat froze and grabbed Kelvin’s wrist.

“Don’t.”

Kelvin hastily pulled back, startled, and held his arm out instead so Nat could grab on if they wanted to. “Crap, I’m sorry. I don’t know what… I’m sorry, are you okay?” He gave them a quick glance up and down. Their legs were shaking hard just to be able to remain standing.

“Yes, I just…” Nat stumbled a little. “I can walk, but not fast. I’ll just be in the way if things get hairy.”

“No, you won’t,” Kelvin grinned. “Here, I’ll carry you.” He swung the rifle to his right side and held out his left arm. “Over my shoulder, won’t have to touch your back then if that hurts.” He could easily just scoop Nat up and get out, but they were so jittery he figured it was better to let them have control.

Nat gave a nod and let Kelvin pick them up in a fireman’s carry, putting his shoulders under them. He made to grab Nat’s left wrist, but hesitated as he noticed the splint.

“Broken?” he asked. “Try to keep your balance and I’ll hold on to your legs. I can’t promise I won’t grab onto it if we need to make a run for it, though, okay?”

Trying to shift a little so Kelvin could hold on to them, Nat agreed.

“You good? Comfy?”

Nat winced as Kelvin pushed them up a little, adjusting his grip on them. “Ye-ah. Yes, okay.”

Pulling the ski mask back over his face and grabbing his rifle, Kelvin eased them out the doorway. Two members of his team were guarding the hallway. Two other men, Eric’s guards, were face-down on the floor. One was cuffed, even though he wasn’t moving. The other, uncuffed, wasn’t moving either. Nat swallowed hard. With Kelvin and Nat in the middle, the group quietly made their way to the stairwell where another two operators were keeping guard.

“You think we can make it?” Nat whispered in Kelvin’s ear. They were anxious. Expected to see Eric pop up around every corner. _If they were gunned down because they came to my rescue…_

Kelvin turned his head ever so slightly to Nat. Only his eyes were visible through the holes in his mask. They were focused and vigilant, but when they were on Nat they could see his hidden smile reaching his eyes trying to comfort them. “We’re not alone. Getting you out is our priority and there’s another team on stand-by if we need a distraction or to arrest some of these fuckers once we have you secure.”

As they slowly made their way down the flights of stairs, Nat tried to look down between the railings, checking for movement. They had never realized Eric had put guards on them. If those two were the only ones, things could work out.

Nat’s gaze crossed with one of Kelvin’s teammates. His eyes were as focused as Kelvin’s but they lacked the kindness and concern he had. _Can’t really blame them now, though_ , Nat thought. _Do I even know them_? _Who are they?_ They really were glad Kelvin was here. Just knowing one of the masks was the gentle giant they worked with gave them some peace of mind. Without him, it would almost feel like they were being kidnapped.

“Have vehicle stand ready on the east side,” one of the operators spoke over the comm’s as they reached the ground floor. The four operators huddled around the emergency exit door, ready to bust it open and secure their way to the vehicle, while Kelvin stayed low in the back with Nat.

“ _Clear_ ,” Kelvin’s headset crackled. Two of the operators broke the door open, doing another sweep. The other two followed, Nat and Kelvin on their heels. The exit led out to an empty lot where the SWAT vehicle was waiting for them.

“Hold on,” Kelvin shouted, shifting Nat over his shoulder, slinging them on his back while holding on to their legs. Nat wrapped their arm around him and squeezed their eyes shut. Their stomach swirled with nerves and fear.

Kelvin followed the others in a sprint. The four operators squatted around the van and Kelvin quickly jumped in the back, letting Nat slide off his shoulder.

The other team members jumped in as well and without wasting any time the van took off.

“Secure! Go raise some hell. Go! Go!” Kelvin yelled over his headpiece.

Nat was overwhelmed. It had all happened so fast. Even though they had just been flung over Kelvin’s shoulder, they were panting hard as if they had ran along with the team. Their legs buckled under them and Nat wasn’t sure if it was because of the stress, pain, or the sudden immense relief that made their legs go weak.

“Take them to hospital first,” one of the operators shouted over his shoulder to the driver.

Kelvin squatted down next to them. He threw the mask aside, his face lit up in the biggest grin.

“Welcome back, Nat,” he winked.


	21. Friends

Nat woke looking up at a harsh light above them. Their stomach lurched as for a second they thought they were back in the white room, but their mind was quickly put at ease by a familiar squeeze around their hand.

Nat smiled before he even saw who was sitting next to them. They turned their head, expecting to see only Jeff, but the tiny room was packed with people. Nat couldn’t hide their surprise as they looked around the familiar faces. They all had the same goofy grin on their face, their eyes flooded with relief and mixed with concern now that Nat had opened their eyes and rejoined them. Jeff sat next to them, giving a reassuring smile. Kelvin and the rest of the team stood behind the bed. Thomas, their chief, sat on the other side of the bed.

“Nat!” he yelled as he saw Nat opened their eyes. He abruptly stood, nearly knocking over the stool he was perching on.

The room erupted into a hissing of shushing sounds. “Tom! Shh! You’ll get us all kicked out!” He quickly sat down again, his hand moving to his neck, grinning a self-conscious apology.

“We kind of snuck in,” Jeff explained to an increasingly bewildered looking Nat. “There’s a really scary nurse here and she says it’d be too crowded and you need to rest.”

“At least you’re in good hands here, Nat.”

“I bet we wouldn’t even need security outside your room.”

“Maybe she’s up for a career change?”

“Yeah, I kinda want her in our team. Damn, she could scare the mob straight.”

Soft snickering rose up.

Nat wiped at the single tear leaking down their cheek. “Thank you,” they whispered and looked around the room at the relieved faces of their friends. They had missed Nat. They had been worried about them. They didn’t look irritated, they didn’t seem cross. They came for Nat. Came to see them even when they weren’t allowed.

“What’s this about security?” Nat asked.

The mood shifted a little.

“We got you out,” Kelvin explained. “Made a couple of arrests but Eric was nowhere to be found. We’re still looking for him. Working with some of his thugs, see if they know about his other hideouts.”

“Oh,” Nat merely said. “Right.” So they weren’t exactly out of the woods yet. They weren’t sure what they’d expected. But even though the thought of Eric still being out there unnerved them, the feeling was overshadowed by the efforts they saw their team make to keep them safe.

The sound of the door sliding open made them all jump.

“What’s this?!” the sharp sound of the nurse’s voice filled the room, followed by an anxious chaos and whispers of ‘Shit!’ and ‘Run! Run away!’ as Kelvin and the team slid past her with a bow and a quick wave to Nat.

“Mr. Hochland! I expected you to keep your team visiting in check!”

“Apologies, ma’am,” Thomas said as he rose slowly. “They really wanted to be here. It won’t happen again. They will stick to one at the time now.”

The nurse gave an angry snort and started fussing with Nat’s medicine and IV.

“Jeff’s up for the first shift. Rosie will come and relieve you at six.” Thomas looked back to catch Jeff nodding and stepped out, leaving the two alone. Well, almost alone.

“Sorry about that,” Nat flashed a guilty, yet disarming smile at the nurse.

“Nonsense, sweetie,” her anger disappeared instantly, though her tone of voice still had a force that showed she wouldn’t tolerate any argument. “Take these pills and get some rest now.” She gave Jeff another hard stare and left.

Jeff merely smiled, his gaze returning to Nat. “I got a stupid question for you. You ready?” Nat arched their brows and nodded. “How are you feeling?”

Nat gave a soft snort, almost more of a pleased sigh. It’s not that stupid of a question. Even in a situation like this, and with the whirlwind of emotions Nat felt right now, they had to think about it. Hurt, yes, though the medicine and professional care would take care of that. Scared, sure. Good, maybe, or just a careful ‘not bad’. But the most overwhelming feeling was…

“Relieved.”

“So are we.”

“You think he’ll come back for me?” Nat asked. They wouldn’t have even considered it; maybe they’d been a little naïve, but being out apparently didn’t equal being safe. They realized that now.

“No. But we’re not going to leave you here alone. Best to play it safe.” Jeff placed a hand on Nat’s shoulder and got up. “I’ll be right outside. Call if you need anything.”

But the only thing Nat needed for now was rest. Not even their overthinking was able to keep them from drifting off, their last thought only being amazed at how exhausted they still were.

-

"Got you a little something," Jeff let a large paper bag sink into Nat’s lap. It was the next day, late in the morning and he arrived a little early before his next guard shift.

Nat eagerly tore it open and their face lit up. The bag was filled to the brim with their favorite snacks. Nat looked up, grateful though feeling a little guilty.

"What's wrong? You love Ferrero's, I didn't get the wrong flavor, I think?"

Shaking their head, trying to suppress a fond smile, Nat reached over to their bedside table and opened the drawer.

"Oh," Jeff laughed heartily as the drawer was already filled up with treats, also mostly Ferrero Rochers. "Then I'm betting this fruit basket is from Kelvin?"

Said basket was still wrapped in plastic, adorned with a large bow and ribbons. Looking pretty on the nightstand and radiating joy and healthiness, but otherwise untouched.

"Healthy mind…" Nat started, "in a healthy body," Jeff chimed in, and they both laughed as they mimed Kelvin's catchphrase.

"Yeah, no, I can't beat that," Jeff grinned. "Least I can do now is get rid of these unhealthy temptations," and he popped a chocolate in his mouth.

Nat took another as well, breaking it in half in their mouth. They ate the hazelnut first and savored the gooey chocolate. They tugged at the bag, which was heavier than chocolates should be, even though they now had enough to build a large Ferrero pyramid of their own. They clumsily scooped out the candies with their good hand and added it all to their supply. All the snacks had hidden a stack of books and magazines at the bottom. “A trap bottom to merely create the illusion of more chocolates, you shouldn’t have,” Nat said as they pulled the books out with a smile.

"To take your mind off things," Jeff said, his mouth still full.

Jeff read tons and while Nat wouldn’t say it was their main hobby, they did often read things Jeff recommended.

"Thanks, I really needed that." Nat piled the books onto their already full nightstand, stacking the magazines on top and picked one. Their attention span wasn't ready yet for a novel, but some bite-sized snippets of fun and distraction would help them pass the time and spend some more time outside their own head, getting some time off from their own thoughts.

"You ruminating a lot?" Jeff asked, and he nodded as Nat answered positively. "Thought so." He gestured to a stack of books. "Want to get it out?"

While Nat's mind was mostly occupied thinking about Eric and his offer, what it would mean now that they were out and Eric was nowhere to be found, it was a part of their thoughts they weren't ready to share yet. But they could benefit from letting in a little room, getting some of their anxieties out.

“I feel ashamed," Nat just blurted out, starting with the heaviest feeling. "That I let this happen. That I couldn’t stop it. Every day, every day he came up with something and every day I felt weaker and weaker, unable to do anything. Fighting him would make it worse. But now I wonder if doing nothing was even worse.” They fiddled with the pages of the magazine in their lap.

“And now, seeing you all again, and all this, I feel terrible that I started to believe…” they cut off.

“…that I believed that you all hated me for… for this, for being taken, for being a burden.”

Jeff just nodded, letting them get their thoughts out without interrupting. They sat in silence for a bit, then he spoke. "You remember when Kelvin was MIA just after he joined us? His comm's down during a raid and he was used as collateral?"

"Yes, but that was…"

"Not so different from this. At the time, did you think it was his own fault?" Jeff asked and Nat shook their head. "Occupational hazard? Big guy, swat vet, should be able to take care of himself?" Again Nat shook their head.

"You… we, did everything we could to help him. As we did now for you. The only one we hated was the rat bastard who got his hands on you. It was hell, not knowing what was going on. Kelvin went practically mad."

"He said."

“He thought it was his fault. You think it’s your fault. The only one shifting away from the blame game is the one responsible and that’s…” he cut himself off, not wanting to let his name slip over his lips.

"Look Nat, your anxieties are valid. I may not be able to help you with the shame and fear, but you're allowed to feel like that. I'm not going to tell you not to feel scared or ashamed. But don't let it consume you. Just know we would never hate you or judge you for… well, whatever happened. You did what you could and you survived. Got out. That's saying something, right?"

“I guess,” Nat admitted with a nudge of their head. It’s true, they got out. Got away before things turned worse, before they really broke.

Jeff watched as their eyes lit up just a tiny bit. “Looks like that helped clear your mind even if just for a little, hm?”

“Well, I have another problem,” Nat said, and they reached out to their nightstand again, trying to push the drawer shut. Their pile of snacks rustled in protest.

“Now there’s something I can definitely help you with.”


	22. The calm before trial

It had been four weeks later before they finally found Eric. Rumors reached their ears that he was back in the compound where he had kept Nat. When they busted in, he went along without resisting.

Nat in the meantime had healed well. With some proper care and lots of love from their colleagues they had started helping out at the office again in the mornings. Seeing their friends and seeing how much they cared and kept repeating how much they had searched for them and the relief when they found them, made Nat wonder how they could ever have believed Eric and his taunts. Nat even had to do some convincing of their own, as Jeff and Kelvin were stuck in a loop of self-blame.

“I thought you were right behind me, honestly! One minute you were there and when I looked round you were gone. I’ll never forgive myself for that,” Kelvin kept saying.

Jeff wasn’t as vocal as Kelvin about his worries, but Nat knew he was blaming himself as well. The worst thing was that he was probably bottling it all up out of worry for Nat, not wanting to pile on his own troubles while they had enough on their mind.

When Nat went back to work, they got a warm welcome back. Not just from their own team. Once they entered the building, together with Jeff who’d picked them up, and walked past the departments, everyone got up and started cheering and clapping. Nat blushed and gave a shy wave to everyone. It was a little overwhelming. Some of their colleagues went up to greet them, shaking their hand, making small talk how happy they all were Nat was alright. Nat just stammered their thanks.

Jeff guided them along to their own department, where everyone was lying in wait for a surprise. They cheered as Nat entered, congratulating them on going back to work, on healing so well. They were bombarded with reassurance about the case, and how their absence in the office really took a number on their work.

Rosie bounced up to them.

“Welcome back, Nat! Can I…?” She held out her arms and Nat gratefully let her embrace them.

Jeff stood behind Rosie and while it was almost imperceptible, he saw Nat’s eyes narrow ever so slightly when Rosie’s hands rubbed over their back.

“You wanna come see Pascal?” she asked when she let him go. “I think he missed you.”

Nat lit up. “Yes!”

Rosie grabbed their hand and pulled them along. She was a K9 officer and Pascal was the team’s sniffer dog. She dragged Nat outside to the kennel, Jeff following at a distance.

Nat loved dogs and lamented the fact that they couldn’t play with Pascal too often, as he was mostly on the job and shouldn’t get spoiled too much. Off-duty Pascal was allowed to be petted, but Rosie often started her day quite early.

As they entered the kennel, Pascal started barking, recognizing both their scents. When Rosie let him out, he trotted to Nat and sat in front of them. Nat squatted down next to the large German Shepherd and ruffled their hands through his fur.

"Yess, I missed you too."

Jeff looked on from the doorway, a fond smile on his face. It was good to see Nat like this again. Missed. Needed. Smiling like this again.

Pascal didn’t mind the cuddles, but was often more interested in his other rewards, like food. His ears perked up when he heard the sound of Rosie shaking kibbles in his bowl. He nervously started circling around Nat, and stood next to them, his tail bouncing against them.

"Pascal wait, you're gonna push me aside," Nat laughed as the dog was waiting patiently for his meal and heavily leaned into them. With Nat sitting unsteadily on their hunches, they had to push back against the dog to avoid falling over.

Rosie let out a laugh and quickly snapped a picture of the two before she went over with the bowl. She squatted next to Nat and they watched in silence as Pascal devoured his breakfast with gusto.

“It’s good to have you back, Nat,” she smiled, her eyes still on the dog. She held out her phone, showing them the picture, a laughing Nat clutching to the dog, their arms around him as they were about to keel over. Nat gave a snort. “Thank you.”

"Come, Pascal, time to get started."

She put a harness on the dog, meaning he was now 'on the job'. No more petting and cuddling.

Jeff nudged his head to Nat and with a wave to Rosie, they followed him to their office.

“Did she hurt you?” Jeff hesitantly asked as they walked.

“What?”

“Rosie. When she gave you a hug.”

Nat looked appalled. “No! No, she didn’t. It’s just…” They sighed. “It doesn’t hurt anymore, well, not unless I really press into… I just, felt her hands over the… the scars and I… it just startled me.”

Jeff scolded himself for bringing the mood down like that. He snuck a quick glance at Nat, but they didn't seem too bothered, especially now that Jeff held open the door to their office for them and they saw the decorations and balloons around their desk space. They rummaged around in their bag and produced the small dog plush they got from Rosie in the hospital, placing it next to their screen. It looked just like Pascal, something they both squealed over when Rosie gifted it to Nat.

"Perfect," they admired, sinking into their chair.

“I picked out some stuff for you to work on.” Jeff handed Nat a couple of files.

Nat fiddled through the pages, glancing at the information. “Well, what are you all working on? Not this, right?”

“Eric’s case.”

“Let me help. Have you talked to him yet?”

Jeff’s expression darkened. “We tried, but he refuses to talk to us. The only words that are coming out of his mouth are… well, he’s been asking for you. Says he’ll only talk to you.” He caught Nat’s face drooping. “Don’t worry, you don’t have to. We’ll make it work.”

Nat flashed a somewhat sad smile and tried to perk up.

"Do you want to meet with Royce this afternoon or tomorrow?" Jeff asked.

"I'd like to stay in this positive bubble for today, so tomorrow will be fine."

Royce Clarke was the prosecutor heading Nat’s case. Nat had worked with him before. They liked him but their relation didn’t extend beyond the professional boundaries and they didn’t know him very well. They were a little nervous to tell him everything that had happened. Okay, scratch that. That had nothing to do with Royce. They just felt scared to relive everything, didn’t matter who was present to hear it. But for today, they just wanted to focus on the small victory of starting work and seeing everyone again. 

~

The following morning, Jeff accompanied Nat to the prosecutor’s office. “If you want me to leave, say the word,” he whispered before they entered Royce’s room.

“Nat, so good to see you!” Royce welcomed them both with a handshake. He was a tall black man, who was always cheerful, charismatic, and charming. Underneath his bright disposition lay a strong sense of justice; he was a driven man with a strong focus on his tasks and Nat always liked working with him, admiring his conduct.

Royce’s smile and demeanor put Nat a little more at ease. But after their greetings, small-talk, and more congratulations on their recovery, Nat still wasn’t sure if they could get everything out.

Royce waved their concerns away, not wanting to force them.

“If you don’t feel ready we can reschedule for later this week. Thing is…,” Royce looked apologetic. “Well, I don’t want to pressure you, but we heard yesterday that the preliminary hearing is late next week. Eric’s lawyer has been pushing for an earlier date.”

“That’s unusual. Why would he do that?” Nat asked.

“You’ll be called to provide a statement as the main witness,” Royce explained. “They’ll probably want to make sure you’re still shaken up, try to discredit you, twist your words. The more time you have to heal and come to terms with what happened, the worse they’re off.”

“No pressure then,” Nat said.

“It’s just the preliminary for now. You’re allowed to speak and there’s enough evidence to make sure the trial against him will continue.”

“Yes, to nail him for money laundering, drugs and all that. I’m the only one who can testify about…” they fell silent. _About what he did to me. How he…_

“Abduction. Battery. Assault,” Jeff finished for them in less specific terms. “Which is why I’d like a confession.”

“Be careful with that,” Royce said. “A confession alone won’t be enough.”

“No, but it might take a little load off of Nat.”

Royce inclined his head and agreed. “Yes, true. We may have all the ammunition, but the defense won’t just accept everything. Holton hired a very expensive lawyer and I’m sure he’ll have his tricks.”

He spread a couple of files over the table. “So let’s start by preparing everything.”


	23. Trial

Jeff fiddled with Nat’s tie, straightening it just a millimeter to the left.

“Leave it,” Kelvin snapped. “Kid looks fine. You’re just making it worse.”

A ghost of a smile crossed over Nat’s features. Even though Kelvin was a year younger than they were, he still always called them ‘kid’. They didn’t mind. The word wasn’t meant as demeaning, it always felt affectionate and for some reason it made them feel safe. It relaxed them just a little now with the tensions running high, but when Royce opened the door and led them into the courtroom, the pressure washed all over them again.

Nat walked behind Royce to the prosecution’s desk. Their eyes wandered over to the side of the defense before they caught themselves, not wanting to make eye contact with Eric, who was already present.

He was wearing his standard blue suit, as ever, and looked like the epitome of innocence. His posture straight, eyes ahead, his hands solemnly folded on the table in front of him, still cuffed of course. He didn’t even look at Nat. Just kept looking straight ahead, patiently waiting for the judge to arrive.

Jeff and Kelvin took their seats behind the separation, still close to Nat so they could whisper advice and comfort in their ear.

Nat looked back at them, flashing a tense smile. They looked around the courtroom. They were relieved it wasn’t a full house. Most of the audience members were friends from the station. There was some local press, some other onlookers, but the room, thankfully, wasn’t even half full. Nat returned their gaze to the still empty judge’s bench. They tried to suppress the need to sink away deep into their chair, disappear under the desk.

“You ready?” Royce spoke softly.

“Yeah. Not like I have a choice, but yeah, I think so.” Nat muttered.

“There’s always a continuance,” Royce tried to reassure them, but the only way Nat would feel better was once they got this over with and would be at home tonight, knowing they did this. Maybe they’d get something nice. Invite the others. De-stress a little.

“No, I can… I need to do this now.”

Royce gave a stiff nod, his face bearing an expression of determination and confidence. Nat hoped some of it would rub off on them.

The judge entered the room and they all stood.

“Please, be seated. Prosecution versus defendant Eric Holton in the case of abduction, aggravated assault, financial crimes, and blackmail. Is the prosecution ready to proceed?”

Royce remained standing. “Yes, your honor.”

They went through the initial motions of the proceedings. Nat didn’t register much of it. They’d heard the opening statements many times, also from behind this very same desk, but they’d never thought they would be sitting here as the victim. Royce gave a short introduction, stating the reason they were here and giving a short summary of what happened to Nat.

“As I understand it the prosecution will call forward one witness to testify on the matter of abduction and assault, is that correct, Mr. Clarke?”

“Yes, your honor. Our witness is the victim, detective Natsuki Hirano. They will elaborate on their statement.”

Nat snapped to attention when they heard their name mentioned.

“Very well, please, detective,” the judge waved towards the witness stand.

Nat exchanged a quick glance with Royce and they slowly got up, buttoning their jacket. They willed themselves to stand up straight and to look straight ahead. The walk to the stand had never been so long, so arduous. Usually they’d take the few steps, not even thinking about it. Now, every step was followed by anxious overthinking. How did they present themselves? Did they look like normal, just a detective walking up to give a statement? With dignity, confidence? Or did they look like a victim? Pitiful, weak, broken. What would Eric see, what would he think? _No! He doesn’t matter!_

They took their seat, letting out a soft breath and making eye contact with Jeff for a second, who gave them a reassuring smile. They were sworn in by the bailiff, then Royce asked them to introduce themselves to the court and with that, they were ready to start.

Royce walked around their desk. “Detective, you are ready to elaborate on your statement?”

“Yes, sir.”

A muffled snort rose up, followed by a soft, indignant buzz in the audience. Some people were looking around, trying to find the source of the rude sound. Jeff stiffened but his eyes remained on Nat.

Eric sat hunched over, his hand up and his head down in apology, his arm covering his face. Covering his smirk, more likely. Once all inquisitive eyes had left him, he kept his head down, but his eyes slowly wandered up at Nat. They quickly looked away again, but the cruel delight they’d seen in them hinting at the inside ‘joke’ they shared lingered in the back of their mind.

Royce stepped in Nat’s line of vision, shielding them from Eric’s hungry gaze and making sure Nat didn’t have to look at him. He gestured to himself, telling Nat to keep looking at him.

As Royce was about to start, he was interrupted by a soft cough. Eric’s lawyer walked in front of his desk as well. “Before we begin, I’d like to start by making sure we have our facts straight. I don’t mind you diving right into it with your witness, counsel, but I’d hate to see any baseless accusations against my client.”

“Are you saying your client pleads innocent?” Royce asked, almost incredulous.

“We plead there is no conclusive evidence to establish guilt regarding abduction and assault. If we go from there we will also assert there is no conclusive evidence to prove his involvement in any of the other claims either. If this case goes to trial your evidence will not hold.”

A soft murmur went through the room. Nat looked around nervously. This isn’t what they had expected. They tried to shake off the nerves flittering around their stomach. _It doesn’t have to make sense what he’s saying. He’s just trying to shake you!_

“With your permission, your honor, I would like to proceed before the witness offers a statement.”

The judge gestured for the lawyer to start. A smug smile, not unlike Eric’s, crept over the lawyer’s lips. He pulled his suit taut and walked over to Nat. Their eyes wandered over to Jeff, who sat there with an absolute look of disgust on his face and Nat couldn’t help but smile. They could see he was also angry, but the disgust was a reaction to the lawyer’s conceited attitude, which was something Jeff couldn’t stand.

“Mr. Hirano,” the lawyer started.

“It’s detective Hirano, counsel,” Royce immediately took a stance. He wasn’t going to allow the lawyer to barge over Nat and shake them even more with micro-aggressions such as misgendering.

“Apologies, _detective_ ,” his smirk grew impossibly wider and he placed unnecessary emphasis on the word ‘detective’. “I’d like to start by asking about your abduction. You assert my client is responsible for that, but we both know that’s not quite true, right?”

Nat opened their mouth, but kept quiet, not knowing exactly what to say. The lawyer didn’t seem to be expecting an answer yet anyway and continued.

“You seem unsure, let me restate. Can you tell us about the drug raid. My client was not present at the time, was he?”

“Leading,” Royce growled.

The lawyer put his hands up and rephrased. “Can you tell us who you saw. Did you see the defendant?”

“No,” Nat cleared their throat. “No, he wasn’t there.”

“So it was not my client who forced you into a car, was it?”

“No, but it were two men working for—“

“Can you tell us who then was responsible?”

“I don’t know who they were, I only know they were working for the defendant.”

The lawyer gave a soft ‘tsk’. “How do you know? Did you recognize them?”

Nat stammered. “I…no, but they brought me to—“

“The men who took you from the scene, were they the same people you saw at the place where you were held?”

A light panic started to arise. Nat knew they couldn’t contradict what the man was saying. “They were wearing masks… at the scene. And…”

“Let me stop you there,” Royce interrupted. “It is clear from the witness statement that they were brought before the defendant after they were taken against their will. They met, they talked, and they even fought. You may cast doubt on the men who took them, but there is no question Eric Holton was involved in the abduction.”

“Yes, they talked,” the lawyer conceded. “Where my client clearly stated he did not order anyone to take the detective. You remember, right, detective Hirano?”

Nat flashed back to Eric’s office, where he had somewhat apologized and had said he didn’t want cops in his office. “Yes, he said that, but he didn’t let me go either.”

“We’ll contest that later,” the lawyer smirked. He took a step closer and drew himself up.

“Is it true the defendant offered you a deal to work for him?”

Nat stilled. Their eyes slid past the lawyer and for a second locked onto Eric who was leering at them, his cold eyes boring into theirs. He flashed a smile, baring his teeth.

“Objection! Relevance?” Royce interrupted, but the judge waved for Nat to answer.

Nat quickly focused on the lawyer again. “I… yes. I asked that he let me go and he said he would if I agreed to pass him information.”

“Did you agree to working for him?”

“No, I did not.”

“Yet you were released the same day.”

“Rescued. Not released.”

The lawyer smirked and turned to the room. “All very convenient, wouldn’t you say?”

Nat saw Kelvin bend over to Jeff in the crowd, whispering something, his face anxious. Nat paled. _No, no Kelvin, don’t believe that! I didn’t accept. I didn’t betray you!_

The lawyer went on. “My client’s statement is clear. He asserts it was not him who abducted the detective and wasn’t aware of his employee’s actions. He denies any involvement in assault, stating he was merely trying to instruct a new asset in the ins and outs of working for him.”

“The detective was no asset and was held against their will, as you well acknowledged by speaking of their ‘release’,” Royce said. “We have a signed confession from the defendant accepting all charges.”

“A confession made under duress.”

This time it was Jeff who paled and sought Nat’s gaze. He shook his head.

Royce continued, unbothered. “There were two witnesses and that confession was recorded. All visuals and audio are available.”

“But they haven’t been entered into evidence,” the lawyer drawled, casting his eyes to the judge.

“I will allow for a 30 minute recess so the prosecution can get their evidence in order,” the judge said and pounded his gavel.


	24. Duress

The courtroom erupted in noise as everyone got to their feet and made to leave to wait out the recess. Nat could feel Eric’s eyes on them but they didn’t look up and kept their eyes on Jeff as Eric was guided out. They had hoped that by the time they could get out of this witness box, it would have been over. Now they had to wait again to relive everything and with the doubt and suspicion now cast on them, it would be worse than they’d thought. Not to mention that lawyer, who would pick apart and twist everything they would say. They stayed seated, looking ever so lost, feeling ever so small, until Kelvin came up to them, smiling, and held out his arm. Nat gratefully jumped up and let Kelvin’s arm embrace their shoulders as he guided Nat out of the courtroom.

“You did good,” he murmured. “Didn’t let him bait you.”

“What were you discussing with Jeff?” Nat asked timidly as they walked, looking up to catch Kelvin raising an eyebrow. “When that lawyer started…”

“Oh, that we couldn’t believe that asshole is still trying to get to you even now.” The question in Kelvin’s eyes turned to a blazing anger as he looked straight ahead. He opened the door to the prosecution’s office.

“I didn’t expect them to go for that,” Royce shook his head and closed the door as he followed the two.

“I’m sorry, I should have told you about the offer,” Nat fiddled their thumbs. “After your rescue, Kelvin, I didn’t think it was important anymore. I didn’t have to agree to it anymore.”

“It shouldn’t matter. It’s obvious they’re grasping. Trying to cast doubt. They even contradict themselves, just to attempt to unnerve you,” Royce tried to reassure them. “The evidence we have cannot be thrown out. During the trial their statements will be proven to be a lie.”

“I don’t get it,” Kelvin said. “Why push this when they know we have stuff on camera and have a first-hand witness.”

“Shake hard enough and you’ll have an unreliable witness, which would throw away most of our argument,” Royce said darkly.

“So if they say Nat worked for that sleazebag, it doesn’t matter what he did? Come on, Royce, why do we even need that video of Jeff?”

“We don’t, but the judge does.”

Before Kelvin could answer, the door opened again.

“Ins and outs of the business,” Jeff steamed as he entered the room. “What utter bullshit.”

Jeff walked over and to Nat’s surprise pulled them into a hug. “You did well.”

Nat gave a soft snort, but hugged him back. “Sorry, I didn’t tell about… even though it was the most important. I just hated that he offered… what it would mean,” but Jeff shushed him.

“You knew he was going to hurt you even more and you still refused.” Even though he spoke into Nat’s shoulder the words were clear. “That was so brave, Nat.” He broke the hug but still kept his hands on their shoulders.

“Jeff, can I ask you to go back for that video?” Royce asked and Jeff nodded.

“Duress,” Jeff scoffed as he made to leave again. “If anyone was under duress at that time it was me. He was as smug as a bug. Couldn’t be bothered.”

He winked at Nat, who had opened their mouth to correct his expression, and left.

As soon as he closed the door, his expression drooped. None of this made sense. He could understand Eric’s lawyer trying to deflect, but the proceedings today could only be described as _odd._ This first day should’ve focused all attention on Nat and what happened to them. Pointing to Eric as the main culprit. The lawyer was jumping the gun and he, like Eric, moved at his own pace taking over all control. Unfortunately, the judge had to allow it, as he couldn’t decide whether to go to trial without dismissing the claims. Jeff cursed himself for not entering the video. He’d have thought the witnesses would be enough. As these pointless interruptions continued, Nat only got more nervous. They just wanted to get everything over with as soon as possible.

Jeff walked the corridors and as he passed the defense’s room, one of the officers standing guard beckoned him.

“Fowler, perfect timing. Could you check with the prosecutor how much longer he needs? Court will resume in ten minutes.”

“For the video? I’m just heading out to get it, you can just start without it.”

“No, with Holton. He needs to get back here soon.”

A hollow feeling started pressing down in Jeff’s stomach. “What do you mean? He isn’t in?” He nudged his head to the door.

“Holton just left. Some guards were asked to escort him to the prosecutor’s office for some questions.”

“What guards…?” Jeff looked around. He just came from the prosecutor, they should have met halfway down the hall. “There was only the…” Jeff stopped abruptly. The bailiff whom he had never seen before.

He turned on his heels and bolted back to the office, ignoring the shouts of the guards behind him. He threw open the door, startling both Nat and Royce. But there was no Eric.

“Jeff? What the hell, what’s wrong?” Royce asked in alarm.

Jeff’s eyes glided over Nat, who looked confused and a little spooked. His first impulse was to lie, to protect Nat who absolutely did not need to hear this right now, and just say ‘nothing’ and solve this on his own. But this was urgent. It could not be concealed.

“I think Eric Holton just escaped.”

Royce jumped to his feet. “I’ll get the building locked down and get everyone to search. You keep looking.”

With a nod and a final glance to Nat, who sat paralyzed in their seat, their face now white as a sheet, Jeff ran out of the room and made his way to the back entrance. As he rounded the corner he almost stumbled over something. The two guards were sprawled out over the corridor, out cold.

 _That mother_ fucker _! That’s why he was so calm all the time, he had his escape prepped even before we got him in the interrogation room._

He busted the emergency door open, leading to the parking lot for employees. A snarl of rage escaped his throat as he saw Eric, leisurely getting into a large black SUV. Before he disappeared from sight, his eyes caught Jeff and with a mocking salute he got in.

_Oh, no, you don’t!_

Jeff jumped down the staircase and sprinted across the lot to the gate separating this parking from the one for visitors. Keeping a close eye on Eric’s car, which now busted through the front gate, the tires screeching, Jeff jumped over the gates.

“Open them,” he screamed to the bewildered security guard, whose wide eyes followed the car out as it made its way to the main road. He popped out of shock when he heard Jeff’s voice. Jeff didn’t have time to repeat it. He quickly jumped into his own car and burst out of the gate to get after them, the barriers raised just enough for the car to pass through.

Rage surged through Jeff as he swirled over the road, avoiding traffic. A small voice in the back in his mind told him this was probably a bad idea, but the absolute rage and indignation completely drowned out the voice of reason. All he wanted was to catch up and slam that asshole back in prison where he belonged. He had no idea what his next step was, though, and he was quietly hoping he would soon be assisted by a team of cop cars.

But as the chase brought them out of town, that hope quickly dwindled and while Jeff still was dead focused on his task, he started to feel a little unnerved.

When he swerved the corner he quickly had to slam the brakes. The road ended in a dead-end plot of land, where Eric’s get-away car was waiting for Jeff and another large van blocked his chances of ramming full into them. Jeff’s car slipped and the brakes brought him to a halt just inches from the van. Immediately, two men with guns jumped from behind it, aiming at Jeff’s front window.

 _Fuck._ Trying to take a second to calm down after nearly colliding and from the chase, Jeff took a deep breath and raised his hands from the steering wheel.

He slowly got out of the car. His hands might be up in surrender but everything about his body language and posture screamed he was ready for a fight.

“There you are. I was beginning to worry you’d lost us.” Eric sauntered from behind the van and signaled to his men to lower their guns.

“You had this planned all along,” Jeff said as he inched closer, his voice more calm than he felt. His eyes swirled between the two guys with guns, estimating his chances.

“Well, almost. I didn’t know you were going to follow us but it’s a nice surprise.”

Jeff closed the distance between them, his hands still up, and was brought to a halt by the two men raising their guns again. No further. “So this was your intention? Get arrested, sit back, flip some shade during a hearing for an hour and get out again?”

“Give me a break,” Eric said. “You honestly thought I was going to sit tight and wait for a trial? Your lot doesn’t take kindly to cop killers, I wasn’t going to find out what would be in store for a cop torturer.”

“You want to know what _I_ will do to cop torturers?” Jeff growled. He wasn’t sure if the adrenaline surging through his body was a flight or fight response or if he had been waiting for an opportunity like this all long.

Eric grinned. “Yes, I do,” he said, placing emphasis on each word and drawing them out slowly. He spread his arms wide, beckoning for Jeff to come at him.

With a snarl Jeff jumped at the man, all his pent up anger and frustration propelling him forward, ready to let it out. Ready to finally hurt the man like he hurt Nat. But a sudden harsh blow to the back of his neck made him collapse.

“…or so I would say, but I don’t have time to get in a cockfight with you,” Eric laughed. He stepped over Jeff, waving for his cronies. Jeff wasn’t out yet and tried to get up, only to be pushed down with Eric’s shoe on his back. The pressure increased as Eric bent over him.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you have a swing later.”


	25. Fighting words

Jeff was dragged along a corridor. He kept his eyes on the man walking leisurely in front of him, sauntering about as if he owned the place. Well, he probably did. The man next to him, keeping an awfully tight grip on Jeff’s upper arm and neck, didn’t say a word.

“Did you keep Nat here?” Jeff growled at the man’s back.

“What makes you say that? Does it smell like fear in here?” Eric threw a smirk back over his shoulder. “No, I did not,” he stopped at a door to unlock it. “We had to relocate after, ah, your interference.”

He swung the door open. The room was quite large, yet mostly empty. Given the office building it was probably meant to be a conference room, but there were only a couple of chairs and a table all stuffed in one far corner like it was a storage room. Eric held out a hand, inviting Jeff to go in. Jeff, however, not one to turn his back on this asshole and with no intention whatsoever to walk into this lair, stayed put. Eric raised an eyebrow and with just one look to the man behind them, Jeff was shoved inside. Eric followed and signaled for the man to stay.

“Wait just a minute, Kyle.”

Kyle, who was about to leave and wait outside as usual, locked the door instead and settled against it.

“What, you can’t handle this by yourself?” Jeff spat.

“I think you’ll prove a bit more troublesome, yes.”

“A fucking coward is what you are. No trouble beating on those weaker than yourself and the moment you’ve found a match, you need backup.”

Eric just smiled at the provocation and instantly knew how to turn the words against Jeff. “Hmm, so you agree that Nat is the weaker link here.”

“They’re not and you know it! You’ve been trying to get inside their head, get them to stop working on your case. You knew they were a threat.”

“Exactly. _Were_.”

“Is that why you pulled that stunt in court?!” Jeff could barely contain himself. “To discredit them?”

“Well, I knew they were broken. Just wanted to give the final push. See it as a parting gift.”

“You had your escape planned already, why even go that far?!”

Eric laughed and started circling around Jeff. “My lawyer didn’t know I was stepping out. He was fully convinced he had to pull out all the cards.”

“That’s bullshit!” Jeff exploded. He was shaking in anger. “That lawyer’s in your pocket, you told him to mention that on the very first day _because_ you knew you were out. This kind of info would turn up much later at a trial!”

“Oh?” Eric grinned and shrugged, his hands up in mock defeat. “Well, you would know more about such proceedings.”

He stepped towards Jeff, his chin down, leering menacingly at the detective. “What you gonna do about it, hm? You want to get that frustration out?” He wiggled his fingers up in a taunting motion, inviting Jeff to come at him but Jeff stayed put. “No? Then I’ll come at you.”

He lunged at Jeff. But with just a simple sidestep, Jeff dodged Eric’s punch without effort. He turned his body and, using Eric’s momentum, returned the punch with double the force. Eric stumbled back, unable to contain a surprised gasp.

By the door, Kyle stirred, though for now he only uncrossed his arms and stood straight.

“No, no, stay back. Don’t interfere.” Eric held out his hand, still hunched over. “Jeff’s been waiting for this, haven’t you?” He leered at him, almost unable to hold himself back, and wiped a thumb over his face, checking for blood.

Jeff didn’t move. Everything in his posture betrayed his focus. His guard was up and he was ready for anything. He took in his opponent; Eric had about 5 inches on him and he was sure the man would have his bag of tricks, but Jeff didn’t waver in his confidence.

“Yes, you’re the fighter, aren’t you?” Eric taunted. “Nat is more powerful with their mind, but you…” he prodded his finger at Jeff, “You’re the fighter. I know you can do better than this, come on!”

“I’m not a fighter,” Jeff simply said, still not moving.

“You don’t like fighting, there’s a solid difference. But I think you’ve been waiting for an opportunity like this. You’ll like this. You do like this, I can tell!”

“You don’t know shit.”

Part of it was true, though. Jeff had always excelled in combat classes throughout his training and professional life. He kept his game up twice a week nowadays, even helped his team with self-defense classes, tried to get Nat into some sparring. He didn’t do it to feel strong or powerful, didn’t want to either. It was purely meant for self-defense and being able to hold his own in case something went wrong at work. But he always exuded a calm confidence that stemmed from the feeling that he was ready to take anything that was thrown at him. A feeling which, by the way, was completely obliterated by the helplessness he felt after Nat was taken.

But Jeff didn’t like fighting. He abhorred violence. He hated that Eric was pushing him like this; turning him into someone who would _want_ to start punching the man in revenge. He knew the man was goading him into rushing at him. If Jeff threw the first punch instead of countering, Eric would win.

It pushed him on the defensive. He tried to counter Eric, but the man also kept his guard up after that first punch, determined not to be surprised like that again.

“You’ll have to forgive me,” Eric jumped back when Jeff blocked another punch. “I’m a little rusty after all these weeks sitting still.”

“That why you pushed to set the hearing earlier?” Jeff growled.

“What can I say, I was bored. I was so hoping Nat would come visit again. It would really have cheered me up.”

The moment Jeff stiffened in anger Eric jumped at him, but despite the second of diversion he wasn’t able to get the drop on him.

He flicked a hand behind his back so Jeff couldn’t see, signaling for Kyle to step in. Eric, not exactly unconfident in his own strength and skills, knew he could probably take Jeff, but he wasn’t taking any chances. What he needed here was an overwhelming victory; not a draw, not a barely won fight. This wasn’t about who was the strongest or about who could win. It was about showing who was in control, it was about sending a message. He kept his cards close to his chest. And if Jeff could hold on to the hope that he had a fighting chance in a fair one-on-one, all the better.

With a sharp turn of his head, Jeff saw Kyle coming and was able to dodge just in time. He stumbled back, trying to keep an eye on both men, but he already knew he was fighting a losing battle.

“You bastard,” he fumed softly.

“I never said I fight fair,” Eric shrugged. He baited Jeff forward while Kyle circled behind him. Jeff’s eyes kept flicking back and forth, trying to determine which was the bigger threat.

Both leaped at him at the same time and as Jeff stepped back to dodge Eric’s fist he felt himself bump into Kyle, who was faster than he’d thought. He tried to aim an elbow back, tried to punch Eric away at the same time, but Kyle grabbed him by the wrist and twisted it to Jeff’s back. Eric, unfair fighter as he is, took full advantage and buried his fist into Jeff’s stomach and followed up with a punch in the face. Jeff made a retching sound, the force of the punch pushing him back against Kyle, who held him upright. He shook it off and _raged,_ fighting his hardest.

“You coward! You _fucking_ coward!” Jeff roared. He struggled with all his might.

“Oh my, you losin’ your cool there, detective?” Eric bent over in front of him, looking up at an angle and giving a mocking little smirk before he stepped aside.

Kyle had trouble keeping Jeff’s hands back. He hooked a leg in front of Jeff’s and used his weight to tip him over, letting them both fall to the ground. With a loud ‘oof!’ Jeff landed full on his stomach, Kyle pinning his full weight on him and using the opportunity to click handcuffs around Jeff’s wrists.

“Not bad, detective,” Eric crouched down in front of him and grabbed a fistful of hair, tilting Jeff’s head back at an unnatural painful angle. “You did your best, I guess.” He smirked as he saw the fury blazing in Jeff’s eyes.

Jeff struggled under Kyle’s weight. He pulled furiously at the cuffs and tried to throw the man off him, but to no avail. The fight left him along with the adrenaline pumping him up. In return he got an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion. But if there was one thing he didn’t want to do, it was admit defeat.

“Oh, you want another round?” Eric mocked. He noticed Jeff’s body relax and slump down, but the fire behind his eyes still raged. “See, told ya you like this.”

The grip on his hair tightened and before Jeff knew what was happening, Eric crashed his head into the floor.

Eric stood, beckoning for Kyle to do the same. “He’s had enough.”

Kyle stepped away from the groaning figure on the ground, following Eric to unlock the door.

“Uncuff me,” Jeff growled as he tried to look up.

Eric just looked down on him with a smile. “Maybe later,” he said and closed the door.

Outside he turned to Kyle. “Let him steam for a couple of hours. Then bring him some food and cuff his hands down his front.”


	26. Example

When Eric opened the door to Jeff’s room the next morning he was greeted by an unusual sight. Jeff, who was balancing on a chair stacked onto the small table, froze as he was in the middle of trying to pry away the air duct on the ceiling. Both men stared at each other for a second; Eric with his hand still on the door handle, Jeff with his cuffed hands reaching up. Eric had to suppress a grin; it was almost a comical sight.

He sighed. “That’s bolted shut. Not something you can remove with just your hands.” He moved over to Jeff’s wobbly structure, placing a hand on the back of the chair and grinned up. With Jeff’s shirt hitched up a little as his hands were still reaching for the ceiling, Eric was pleased to see a bit of bare skin on Jeff’s abdomen that was turning a dark purple shade.

“I believe Nat tried some things as well. But at least they had the decency to pretend like they weren’t plotting an escape.”

Jeff looked down to the man, who was making himself to be very vulnerable at the moment, standing beneath him with his face wide open for a dropkick. So inviting. With those taunts he was practically begging for death from above. But as Jeff let his arms down and steadied his footing, Eric took a step back and the moment was gone. Jeff didn’t bother to wait until he was pushed off and he jumped down. “Had to try,” he shrugged.

Eric looked round. “I’m a little surprised you didn’t tear down the room.”

“Why are you here?”

“Taking care of my guest. Maybe give you a little continuation of yesterday,” Eric shrugged. He turned to face Jeff, leering at him.

“Get on your knees.”

“No.” Jeff said flat out.

Eric’s lips twitched. “That’s what Nat said first time I asked and we both know how that ended.”

He started pacing the room.

“Such a shame the proceedings were over so fast. I was really curious how Nat would regale us with their story. How they would describe what I did to them,” he side glanced at Jeff, who knew better than to take the bait but the set jaw was enough for Eric. “Honestly, these trials have no entertainment value.”

Jeff wondered if he should just jump at the man and take his chance now that they were alone. He balled his fists. If the bastard would just look away or let his guard down he would try it. But of course, luck was not on his side here.

The door opened. Kyle entered and walked up to Eric, whispering something in his ear. Eric hardened. His eyes snapped to Kyle and they discussed something in a hushed tone.

“No,” Eric said, out loud now. “Get him in here, let’s deal with this immediately.”

Kyle retreated again and Eric turned to Jeff. “Apologies, detective. Something has come to my attention that simply must be resolved now. You’ll have to do without my attention for a bit, in return you can bear witness to how I run things here.” His smile this time didn’t reach his eyes, which were now dark and focused, narrowed into slits.

“You stay quietly in your corner and don’t interfere.”

Before Jeff could ask, the door opened and Kyle returned, pushing another man into the room.

“I’m telling you, man, you’ve got it all wrong!” The man was frantic, shouting loud and struggling against Kyle, who did not seem to care at all.

“I didn’t do it, okay! You got it wrong! I—“ he instantly fell silent when he noticed Eric.

“Leslie, good man. Good of you to come clear this up. Now tell me… what have we got all wrong?”

Jeff watched it all unfold and immediately noticed the shift in Eric’s behavior. It was still the usual banter. His usual chattering, charming and amiable, but the playful tone that he usually had was gone. The mischievous glint in his eyes had diminished, replaced by a hard and dark look. The smug grin that always seemed to adorn his lips was nowhere to be seen.

Jeff swallowed hard. It spooked him how he watched the man change so suddenly right before his eyes. His entire demeanor shifted and Jeff suddenly started to understand why people didn’t want to get involved with the man. Eric always was calm and collected, always in control, but Jeff always estimated that he wasn’t going all in and was hiding something darker. Now he could see it. The Eric he knew, as well as he could from the past couple of weeks, was nothing compared to the man standing in front of him now. It frightened him immensely; it meant Nat and himself were nothing but playthings. A hobby to indulge in.

 _Nat had seen this side_ , Jeff realized in horror. They had told him about how Eric had commanded the room when they were first brought in. A first impression that, especially for Nat who picked up vibes easily, would have been difficult to shake off.

Leslie twisted his arm out of Kyle’s grip and gave him an indignant look. He was still frantic but a little more subdued now that he was in front of Eric. “I… This guy just started accusing me all of a sudden and I… I didn’t do it!”

“So I heard. You’re saying that your four crew mates really can’t stand you and all made up some bullshit lie about you pocketing cash?

The man’s face twisted ever so slightly. “I- no, I, that’s not how it was.”

“Don’t lie to me now, Leslie.” Eric didn’t make a move yet. He could easily shake the truth out of the man, but for now, his mere presence was enough. The mere hint of a threat, the punishment that loomed behind him and kept increasing in size with every passing second Leslie kept his mouth shut. Which Leslie seemed to realize in time.

“I, okay, yes, I… I took some, but hear me out, please, sir, it was-“

“Oh, I’ll hear you. Hear you plenty when you’re screaming your apologies here at my feet.”

Even from a distance Jeff could see the man’s Adam’s apple bop as he swallowed hard. He kept his eyes on Eric, who turned and walked to a storage locker. With every item that Eric picked out, Leslie’s whimpers increased in volume.

Eric dropped his arsenal to the ground and closed the locker. A bat, a cane, a- was that a hunting knife or a machete? _Jesus!-_ , and a taser were now lined up.

“Let’s have the detective pick your punishment,” Eric’s steely gaze crossed the room, but softened just a little the moment he laid his eyes on Jeff. Leslie, who hadn’t seen Jeff yet, twitched like a nervous mouse as his head snapped to the side to look at him.

Jeff, still spooked by the situation, felt a wave of pity as the man’s pleading eyes settled on him. He absolutely didn’t want any part of this. “No, don’t,” he breathed. “I don’t want you to use any of that.”

“You hear that, Les? That means you’re up for a good old-fashioned beating. Thank the detective for letting me use my fists.”

Leslie didn’t seem too pleased. Maybe the man had been hoping for an instant knock-out due to bat, but instead got a prolonged death sentence. He cowered back when Eric stepped forward.

“Don’t you dare run, Leslie. You have the balls to steal from me, show me you have what it takes to suffer the consequences.”

Leslie did as well as he could; he resigned himself to the fact that this was going to happen. He stood his ground, trying to be stoic, and watched wide-eyed as Eric approached him. He took the first hit to the stomach with just a grunt. Eric grabbed him by the shoulder to push him back up straight and followed up with three quick blows to the side of his abdomen. Leslie clutched at his ribs, no doubt trying to protect a cracked one. As he doubled over, Eric used the opportunity to land a vicious backhand, sending the man reeling to the ground.

Eric kicked him on his back and pounced, stomping on his ribs before he let himself fall on his knees over the man, straddling his chest and prodding the bruised ribs with his knee.

Without thinking, Leslie raised his hands automatically in front of his face like a shield, but Eric grabbed him by the wrist and snarled, indignant, as if the man had tried to attack him instead of him merely trying to protect himself.

“I said,” Eric growled and kept increasing the pressure on his wrist, twisting it further and further, “ _suffer_ the consequences.” A harsh snap rang out followed by a piercing scream. The sounds made Jeff’s stomach turn and he felt his knees go weak. He fell to the ground, unable to keep his eyes of the scene even though it revolted him.

As Leslie screamed and cradled his broken wrist, Eric tore his other hand away from him and broke the other wrist as well. Pleas for him to stop were ignored and were drawn out into another agonizing scream.

Now unhindered, Eric went off and kept punching the man, who had now gone limp under him. He grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him up a little. Leslie let out a raspy breath, but couldn’t do anything, his arms lay useless at his side. “Better,” Eric grinned and pulled his fist back.

“Stop! Stop it! You’re killing him!” Jeff snapped out of his shock and jumped forward, now wanting to wrench Eric off the man, but Kyle interfered and held him back.

Eric looked up. He released the man from his grip and let him fall on his back. His eyes snapped up to Jeff, who couldn’t help but give a soft gasp under the intensity of his gaze. With his fists stained with blood and the spatters on his face, Eric bordered on deranged.

“You want to put him out of his misery, detective?” he asked, his voice now an unfamiliar low rumble.

Jeff shook his head. He didn’t trust his voice not to break right now.

“Then don’t interfere.”

Jeff was hoping the main part of his shock was out of concern for the man who now lay lifeless at Eric’s feet, but another thought kept creeping up, pushing past the scene that displayed in front of his eyes. _Did Eric go off like this with Nat?! No, he wouldn’t, right?! He wanted Nat alive. He’d hold back. But what about me?_ The horrific display certainly seemed to be meant for Jeff, as scare tactics. It was a warning, pure intimidation, and Jeff swallowed hard at the thought that it could be him lying there, sputtering blood from between his broken teeth. A warning not to push too hard.

The final punch didn’t elicit any response from the man and Eric stood.

“Finish up, please, Kyle.”

“Wait, _wait_!” Jeff reached out to Kyle as he broke his grip and stepped away. “You’ll take him to hospital right? You can’t mean—“

Eric interrupted him with a hard laugh. “Hospital,” he scoffed, his laugh turning in a soft chuckle. “It’s cute that you’d think I’d waste my medic’s time on this thieving shit.” He gave Leslie another harsh kick in the ribs and stepped over him, but the man was too far gone and didn’t even flinch.

“Let me put it into simple terms so the detective here understands,” Eric beckoned for Kyle to wait.

“Kill him.”


	27. Hooked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW body suspension, flesh hooks

“Well, you look absolutely ghastly.”

“Good morning to you too,” Jeff grunted, annoyed. He stretched out his arms and felt his body creak and pop. Sleeping on the bare floor was not as therapeutic for his body as some minimalists may preach. He pressed a hand absentmindedly over his face, trying to rub away the exhaustion and he felt a soft stubble. He was a little glad there was no mirror here. Judging from Eric’s look, he wouldn’t be surprised if the bags under his eyes blew up his face, and combined with the bruise that still bloomed on his cheekbone, he would take Eric’s word that he looked like hell.

After yesterday’s ‘demonstration’ he hadn’t been able to sleep well and he was kind of relieved to see Eric had returned to his devil-may-care state of mind this morning. He hoped he’d never have to see Eric’s psycho side again. It probably wouldn’t end well for him. But that had probably been the whole point of the show; making sure Jeff would stay on his good side.

“There’s a bathroom down the hall,” Eric said. “If you want to take a shower, I suggest you do it now, before…” he trailed off with a grin, “well, before we begin our day.”

“And be covered in sweat and-- “ he swallowed the word ‘blood’, not wanting to jinx himself, “grime by the time you’re done? No thanks, I prefer to wash away your filth at the end of the day.”

Eric shrugged. “Suit yourself. So, do I need to call in some muscle or will you follow me to the next room?”

The snarl on Jeff’s face revealed his hesitation. On the one hand he wanted to make this as hard as possible for Eric, but on the other hand he wanted to make it easier on himself. He was the lamb being lead to slaughter, problem being that he didn’t know what the butcher had in store for him. Deciding on saving his strength for when he needed it, he nodded and let Eric cuff his hands again before he beckoned him to walk ahead. He could hear Eric humming a tune behind him as he was led into a basement.

Jeff gasped as he entered a white tiled room and he saw the hooks hanging from the ceiling. “You have got to be joking.” In reply he felt a shove to his back.

“Did you do this to Nat?” Jeff blurted out his main concern.

“God, no. They’re too small and sensitive for brutal violence like this. What do you take me for.” Eric huffed and closed the door. He moved over to Jeff, who was still staring up at the flesh hooks in horror and bent over the man, clutching his neck.

“Don’t worry. Did you know people actually do this voluntarily? For fun? Apparently it’s spiritual or something. Gets you in a trance. I’ve met with someone who does it regularly, though he said it’s not supposed to hurt as much as it looks, so maybe I’m doing something wrong, I don’t know.” He shrugged. “And to be quite honest, the people I get in here _don’t_ do this voluntarily.”

“Nor will I,” Jeff growled. He tried to step away, but Eric kept a firm grasp on his neck and pulled him back.

“I didn’t expect you to. You can make it easier on yourself, though.” He gave a side glance down and took in the stoic figure next to him trying so hard to hide his concern. He stood rigid still, as if the slightest movement would betray his fear. “No?” Eric’s lips curved. His grip on Jeff’s neck turned bruising and as Jeff winced and drew back, Eric pulled him off balance and with a kick to the back of his legs made Jeff collapse at his feet.

He made Jeff kneel and cuffed his hands to a hook bolted to the floor. “All for your own safety,” he said. “Wouldn’t want you to trash about and rip your own skin off while I set you up.” He pulled at one of the hooks to pull it down and held it up so Jeff could see.

Jeff glanced up and gulped. It wasn’t a very sharp hook, meaning it would hurt more. He shifted a little and felt his knee move over something. When he looked down he paled as he saw he was kneeling on top of a drain, directly below the hooks.

“What’s with the drain? Will it bleed that much?” Jeff barely recognized the high tone of his own voice, laced with fear and worry.

“Sometimes you need to show people what happens to squealers. So I string them up here by hooking their ankles and slit their throat after a bit of fun.”

Jeff’s face twisted in shock and disgust.

“Don’t worry,” Eric said again. “Not gonna do that to you. You may be a pig, but you’re no squealer.” He bend over Jeff and leaned on his shoulders. “Apologies, I meant in the way of a derogatory insult for cops. I’m not calling you a pig, that’d be rude.”

With a final twist against his cuffs, the feeling started to sink in that there was no way out of this and that this was going to happen. The only thing that now stood between Jeff and having flesh hooks in his back was the shirt he was still wearing. Something that with a hum and a slice of the knife was easily solved. Jeff suppressed a shiver against the cold and the feeling of being exposed and defenseless. This was one thing where struggling would only make it worse.

“The hooks are disinfected, it’s all sterile.”

“That really puts my mind at ease,” Jeff said dryly.

Eric knelt down next to him, taking one of the hooks down with him. “The _right_ way, apparently, is to pierce the skin first with sharp needles.” He forced Jeff’s head down and inspected his exposed back, scratching the dull hook lightly over Jeff’s skin. “But there’s no fun in that.”

He moved his fingers over Jeff’s back, exploring the skin, pressing down here and there. Once he found a good spot he pinched the skin on Jeff’s shoulder blade. “The right way is often quite boring, don’t you think?” he commented.

The hook tingled cold against Jeff’s back. “No, wait, stop,” he tried to look back but Eric let go of the skin and pushed his head back.

“Don’t,” he warned. “This is a delicate process. Keep still or I might… damage something permanently. In fact…” The pressure of the hook disappeared and Jeff sighed in relief. “I think it’s better if you’re just face-down.” He guided Jeff up on his knees and forced him to lay down on his stomach. Settling a knee on his lower back, Eric pinned him in place, now ensured the detective wasn’t able to move much.

“Better.”

Jeff was breathing was frantic now, drawing fast and shallow breaths into his lungs.

“You’re not in the right mindset here, detective,” Eric chided. “Relax, have no fear, approach this with an open mind and who knows, maybe it will be spiritual for you as well.” He laughed. “No one here’s had that luxury, though.”

Jeff’s tense shoulders hitched all the way up, his balled fists pressing hard into the floor.

"Relax, it should make it easier. Come on, release that tension."

 _Easier for you or for me?!_ But Jeff grasped at any straw that might offer some relief. He took a deep breath and felt his fists unclench, his shoulders relaxing into the floor.

"That's it, deep breaths."

"Just do it already!" Jeff bit.

The cold pressure of the hook made him twitch and he willed himself to relax. Until all of a sudden he felt the hook pierce his skin. He snapped his teeth together to keep any sound of pain locked in, but his guttural grunts still slipped free.

It was an agonising pain as the dull steel forced its way in. Jeff could feel the curve of the hook snaking under his skin. He was shaking all over, the pain itself, the effort to keep still and keep the pain bottled in made all his muscles clench in protest. His legs scrambled uselessly, his nails scratched over the floor, but he tried to keep his torso still. As he felt the hook trying to pierce its way through his skin again but this time from the inside, he couldn’t hold back a scream. He slumped in relief as the first part was over. A little drop of blood tickled his skin.

"That’s one," came the bastard's honeyed voice. "I’ve been told this is the most painful part, so bite through."

"Not that you would know," Jeff panted.

"Not that I would know," Eric agreed with a smile. He stood and pulled another hook down.

In his mind Jeff was screaming desperately. _No. Not again. No. No! Don't_! But his stubbornness only turned his protest into a sharp gasp as the second hook started to dig into his shoulder.

“Taking it like a champ.” Eric muttered absentmindedly, fully concentrated on his task, his mocking words more of an afterthought. It wasn’t the first time he’d done this but he knew it was easy to mess up, especially with an unwilling participant straining beneath him. He tried to pierce deep and lodge most part of the hook under the skin, making sure it would hold the weight. Which added a nice bonus of inflicting more pain during the process. The body under him relaxed when the hook had forced through again and he removed the pressure on the steel, though Jeff still shuddered.

The weight lifted from Jeff’s lower back and shifted over to his legs as Eric reached out for another hook.

“No, don’t,” Jeff started weakly. “No more.” He could live with just some cuts, a knife would carve through him easily, but the feeling of a dull object forced between his skin and muscles was sickening **.** It felt unnatural, not just the pain, but the thought of that hook pulling him up and the gnawing feeling that this would cause irreparable damage was draining Jeff. It felt like an invasion.

“If you’re sure, we could leave it at this. I must warn you though that your skin probably won’t be able to handle the weight and you’ll rip your own skin off. That what you want?” Eric moved around so he could look at Jeff. He let the rope slide through his hands, gripping the end of it.

Jeff pressed his forehead to the ground and shook his head.

“Beg for it then. Beg for more or I’ll hoist you up.”

 _Goddamnit_. Jeff knew Eric had him right where he wanted. He would never beg to stop a beating or whatever, something Eric realized all too well by bringing out the big guns. But the threat of having to rip the skin off his own back, that was something else entirely.

If he had to choose between having either his back or his dignity shredded, he'd choose the latter.

"Fine then, give me more,” Jeff grit through his teeth.

“Give you more pain? Sure thing, chief,” Eric called out and moved his hands over the ropes, ready to pull.

“You fucking asshole, you know exactly what I mean!”

“Miscommunication is a thing, you know. Also, that’s no way to ask a favor to someone who is… pulling the strings.” Eric smirked at his own joke and tugged lightly at the ropes. Jeff gasped as he felt his skin pull up.

“Okay! Please, add some more hooks so it can support my weight, Eric, please.” The words were delivered snarling and growling with murder in his eyes, but Eric took what he could get.

“Good call.” He let the ropes go slack and pulled another hook down.


	28. Pulling the strings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> CW body suspension, flesh hooks

Jeff had to go through the painful process again and again as Eric forced two more hooks in his lower back and, not satisfied yet, had moved down his legs and made small cuts in Jeff’s dress pants over the back of his thighs and calves.

“Well, that should work,” Eric said as he forced the last hook through Jeff’s calve. “I could also hook your Achilles tendon, if you wanna be sure. I’ve seen bigger men than you swing from just two hooks there. Though that was for… other purposes and they lost about 1.5 gallons of weight in the process. You’re lucky I like you and care about your wellbeing.”

Jeff kept his face buried between his outstretched arms, trying to ignore the implication and just focused on keeping his pain at bay. It was like the pain bled through his muscles and it felt like his entire body was on fire. He heard Eric walk past him and the click of the handcuffs as the tight metal fell away from his wrists, before the footsteps disappeared behind him again. Jeff didn’t even make an attempt to move his now free hands.

“You ready?” Eric’s voice sounded behind him, but the man didn’t wait for an answer and started pulling.

A surprised yelp fell from Jeff’s lips as he felt his wounds burn and stretch. _No! No, no!_ He squeezed his eyes shut, fighting the pain and the mental image. He didn’t want to see the floor move further away from him, what that meant. Still, he fought the impulse of clapping his hands over his eyes. Instead, his hands automatically stretched out either side of him, horizontally, as if he had to keep his balance or as if there was anything he could hold on to. He wasn’t sure if he was still being lifted higher or if Eric was finished, the pull on his wounds didn’t lessen. He peeked one eye open; the floor stayed where it was, about 5 feet under him, and he heard Eric behind him fastening the wires, then footsteps moving closer.

“I wanted to cuff your hands on your back, but I’m sure you’re well aware of your position and won’t struggle too much.”

Jeff barely heard what he said. He felt dizzy, his head was spinning, fuzzy, light, heavy, everything at the same time. He wanted to throw up. This can’t… this isn’t something that should happen to the human body. It didn’t hurt as much as he expected. Eric had been right, loath to admit, but inserting the hooks had been the most painful part. It was the mental aspect that got to him, just thinking about being held aloft by some hooks in his skin like he was a prop in some fucking horror movie. He wondered if Eric had lied about people doing this voluntarily. But any rational thought was soon blocked out by a series of repeating thoughts.

_Let me down. It hurts. This shouldn’t happen. Let me down._

His head lolled down, his eyes fluttering shut, almost as if he were to pass out. Unfortunately, he was still very much conscious.

“That’s the trance kicking in. Told you it would be spiritual,” Eric looked on as Jeff started to slump like a marionette doll, all tension leaving the body. “Focus, detective. Focus on that pain. Let it make sense. Let it engulf you. It’s your body and mind trying to make sense of what is happening.”

But it didn’t make sense. All Jeff felt was pain and mental anguish, he was sinking deeper and trying to keep his body under control and his thoughts from spiraling out of control.

“Let’s wake you up.” Eric, tired of just looking on after a while, took his knife from his pocket and clicked it open. The sound didn’t register with Jeff yet.

Taking hold of Jeff’s wrist, again without much of a response, Eric pricked the tip into Jeff’s shoulder. A drop in the ocean really, but maybe if… Slowly, he let the knife slide down along his arm, cutting the long sleeve open until gravity pulled it away. Downcast dull eyes suddenly snapped up, looking for the source of the pain, which was standing right next to him.

“What the…?!” Jeff gasped. In a reflex he pulled his arm away, but Eric kept a tight grip on him and the movement only pulled more against the hooks. He hissed. “What are you doing?! This isn’t enough for you?!”

“Hold still now, detective,” Eric merely said, and started a new line now that his victim was a little more responsive.

Jeff flinched again and tried to cut off all reactions to the pain so he wouldn’t feel the pull of gravity on his skin. He bit off his pained grunts and tried to endure the pain of the knife. It did wake him up, for sure, and with it awakened his rage.

“Fuck you,” he seethed in a whisper. “You sadistic fuck, you a-AH, you _fucking_ asshole,” he bit as the knife dug deeper.

“You’ll want to mind your language,” Eric emphasized with a short cut across Jeff’s forearm.

“What more can you possibly threaten me with?!”

Eric drew himself up. He clenched his hand along Jeff’s jaw cupping his chin, his fingers a bruising grip, and he tilted his head back so he could look him in the eyes. “You do _not_ want to ask me that question right now.” His voice rumbled low, the same danger loomed in it as when he had beaten Leslie to a pulp. Jeff’s eyes shot fire back, but his throat bobbed in a gulp as he started to regret pushing.

Letting go, Eric moved to the side and slid a hand across Jeff’s back. The knife rested against the tented skin pulled up by the hook. “I’ve always wanted to know what will happen if I started carving here,” Eric mused. “Would it tear away the skin further down your back, pulling it into a long strip, flaying you as you hang? Or would it just leave a large wound as the skin can’t hold the weight?”

“No, don’t,” Jeff gasped.

“Apologize, then, for your foul language. Words do hurt, you know,” he made a dramatic movement faking his hurt.

Jeff snarled in an attempt to bite back a new volley of name-calling. “I’ll show you hurt some day,” he settled for muttering.

“You’re already giving me a marvelous presentation. Now, say you’re sorry.” The knife teased along his jawline.

“I’m sorry I called you an asshole.” Jeff heard a soft chuckle above him and, mercifully, felt the knife move away from his face. Instead, it tingled over his arm again. He looked down and noticed small drops of blood, making their way to his fingertips to slowly drip down.

Eric hummed at the sight and moved the knife to the other arm.

“You’re still a sadistic fuck, though,” Jeff said through clenched teeth as new lines of red blossomed through his sleeve.

“Well, I can’t argue with that, but I advise you to keep your vulgarity to yourself.”

The knife cut deeper into Jeff’s skin. A spasm of pain followed, shaking his body and pulling at the wounds on his back. He let out a defeated cry. His hand responded without his permission, reaching out to the only means of support he had around him. Before his fingers could clutch around Eric’s arm, though, he regained control and pulled back in disgust.

“It’s okay,” Eric mocked. “You can hold my hand if you need it.” He let the knife rest against Jeff’s arm, waiting for the man to spit his curses. But Jeff bit them back. So he was starting to learn after all. Eric smirked and retreated the knife, wiped it on the useless empty sleeve dangling down and slipped it back into his pocket.

“Now, then, would you like me to leave you hanging so you can try to reach enlightenment?”

“Please… let me down.”

“Ah yes, you wanted to wash up,” Eric smiled and gave the man a pat on the cheek. He didn’t pull away. “You took it well. Now you’ll have the most amazing story for boring parties someday. Maybe it could entertain our dear Nat.” He moved over to where he had secured the wires and slowly let him down.

Jeff gasped in relieve as he felt his weight sink on the floor and the pull of gravity had no more effect on the hooks. He tried to push himself of the ground, but his trembling arms failed him and with a soft yelp he sprawled out over the floor. The cuts on his arms burned. Maybe he should have taken that shower this morning after all. He gave a bitter snort as the thought sped through his mind.

Eric crouched over him and cautiously, almost gently, slid the hooks out of the wounds. Every time he removed a hook, he pressed his fingers hard over the wound. “Making sure no air is trapped under the skin,” he said as he saw Jeff wince.

It was strange, feeling the cold metal leave his body, not painful but still uncomfortable, yet with every removed hook Jeff felt his body relax more and more. When he heard the final hook _clink_ on the floor, he tried to push away.

“Wait a minute, now, not so fast,” Eric pushed a knee onto his ankle to stop him. “We need to disinfect the cuts.”

“You said everything was sterile!” Jeff growled his protest.

“If you want to risk an infection, be my guest.”

Jeff closed his eyes in resignation and lay still as he felt Eric’s weight disappear. The sharp scent prickled his nostrils, a sharp pain stabbed through his back. He swallowed the grunts of pain.

He refused Eric’s outstretched hand to help him up and struggled to push himself up straight. He swayed where he stood and suddenly realized he was absolutely exhausted. His clothes were bloodied and in tatters; his t-shirt sweaty and clinging to his body, his dress shirt barely held up by one sleeve and a stiff collar, his pants ripped and cut. He tried to pull at his shirt, pull the sleeves back on to at least try to cover his body a little and held it up by his shoulder.

He took a few cautious steps and let Eric guide him out of the room, he was too tired to make a fuzz. As they reached the familiar hallway, Kyle was waiting for them. Jeff saw his eyes move up and down over his body but he didn’t make any comments.

“You’ll find some clean clothes in the drawers,” Eric said as he opened the door to a rather large bathroom. “Kyle will escort you back when you’re done. Take your time.” With that and a wink, he left.

As soon as he was alone and locked the bathroom door, Jeff felt the strength leave his legs. He crumpled to a heap, holding on to the sink. He looked back at his legs and sighed in relieve as he noticed his skin had settled back like nothing had happened. Trembling fingers hovered over his calf and explored the sensitive skin, softly pressing and testing if everything was as it should. The only reminders of the ordeal were the small pricks of the entry and exit wounds. The skin was still red, some pricks still bleeding a little but it would fade. _It would fade._

He sighed again, now feeling a little more calm. He tore the remainders of his shirt away and started rummaging through every dresser. Just clothes and towels… no razors or anything, just an electric one, nothing that could be used as a weapon. Not even a mirror he could smash up. He wondered briefly if he could strangle Eric with a towel.

Shaking off the murderous thoughts, he just took what he needed and shuffled into the shower.

He hissed as the hot water hit his back, making the punctures and cuts sting. He leaned against the tiles, his forehead against his arm, and let the bottled up tension and fear leave his body with every sob and tear.


	29. Trophy

Jeff woke, his head lolling down, his eyes only registering the soft red carpet he was sitting on. _Kneeling_ on. Definitely _not_ the place he went to sleep in. Still groggy, he shifted a little, trying to alleviate the weight on his legs which had already started to go numb while he was out, but he quickly found he couldn’t move much. His ankles were tied down so he was forced to keep kneeling. Trying to move his hands gave the same result, firmly cuffed to a metal bar behind him. He pulled hard at them in his panic and looked up.

He was sitting – kneeling – near the wall in a large room, judging from the looks of it to be Eric’s office. The wall opposite him was adorned with tall glass cabinets. The middle of the room quite empty while he was sandwiched in between a fancy couch and a filing cabinet. Looking to his left, he saw Eric sitting at his desk, working on something.

The clanging sounds of the handcuffs pulled Eric from his (hard won) concentration. “Oh, you’re awake. I was starting to wonder if the dose was too high. You just kept dozing.” There was a keen touch to his voice. He’d been waiting for this.

“...what?” Jeff blinked and squeezed his eyes, his whole face squinting. _Why was it so hard to… god! Focus?!_ “What did you… give me?” He could see clearly, it wasn’t like the world was spinning, but it felt like every sensation just didn’t register, nor did his brain seem interested in keeping track of everything and just tossed every stimuli right out.

“Just a sleeping agent. Strengthened with a little _zing_.” Eric leaned forward on his desk and rested his chin on his folded hands, interested in the little side effects. “Would you like me to help you again to wake you up?”

“No!” The word shot out before Jeff registered the danger behind Eric’s words, but something in him remembered, and it wasn’t the pain still radiating from his arms and back. “No,” he said again, calmer this time.

“You’re much more honest in this state.” With a soft smile Eric returned his focus to his work, giving Jeff the time to come to his senses. The soft grunts and confused gasps pulled at his attention but he liked the distraction.

After a while, the sounds turned from confusion to anger, discomfort to pain.

Jeff twisted his bonds. His knees were absolutely killing him and his ankles felt squashed under his weight. His breathing came hard now and he couldn’t control it. He tried to lean to the side, tried to move his legs to make it a bit more bearable, but he was tied down tight. If he could just spread his knees out a little, or sit up, or _god,_ anything really. But nothing he did would ease the tense muscles.

“Hurts, hm?” Eric said without looking up. “Our working day has only just started, though. I wonder how you’ll feel at the end of the day.” He started humming a soft tune. _Working nine to five_. The notes turned into a whistle as he reached down to a drawer in the desk.

Jeff didn’t like what the song was hinting at.

Eric threw another file on the desk and stretched out. “If you’re as knackered as I am at the end of a day sitting behind a desk. God, this shit is so boring.”

Deciding it was time for a break he got up and walked to his source of entertainment for the day. It glared daggers at him.

He grabbed a bottle of water and sat down on the carpet right in front of Jeff, cross-legged.

Jeff bucked forward but was firmly held in place. A well-placed head-butt was not granted to him today.

Eric, unfazed, uncapped the bottle and held it out, only for Jeff to twist his head away. “Come, drink. It’ll help wash away the fog in your mind.”

Tempting but no.

“Drink. Now. Or you’ll go without for the rest of the day.”

A silent glare for an answer. It tempted Eric to force the water down his throat, but he relented and sat back, taking a sip himself.

“You’re a mystery to me, detective.” He sighed. “For someone who tries so hard to be stoic you seem to forget one crucial detail.” The fiery gaze locked onto him again and he smiled.

“The very reason you’re here is because you let your emotions get the best of you.”

 _Fuck you._ “And you took full advantage.” Jeff’s voice was still heavy, but his mind cleared.

“You presented yourself on a silver platter, that’s hard to resist for me.”

“You could have just let me go.”

Eric snorted at that. “I could say the same to you.” His laughter ran through the words. “But you couldn’t let go, hm? Maybe because of some misguided sense of justice but I think we both know what the bottom line was.”

 _Nat_.

“That’s right,” Eric said when Jeff lowered his gaze. “Maybe you should’ve just stayed with them, really. I bet this hurts them more than everything I put them through. They must be going mad with worry by now. Sensitive soul.”

Jeff bit back a snarl and breathed in through his clenched teeth before he closed his eyes in resignation. _Calm down_. _It won’t help them now._

As Eric got up he leaned forward and crashed his hand against Jeff’s face in a brutal backhand. Jeff cried out, not so much from the slap but the force of it rocked him to the side, straining his wrists in the handcuffs. Eric pulled him back by his hair.

“You think you’re keeping everything bottled in? Don’t kid yourself. From the moment I first laid eyes on you it was clear as day how much anger seeped from you. It made you an easy target.”

He shoved him back, earning another pained cry as Jeff’s legs tensed, and he sauntered back to his desk, keeping an eye on his captive.

That was basically their morning together. Every now and then, Eric looked up from his work to watch the struggles and listen to the pained sounds that Jeff couldn’t hold back.

Come noon, Eric left him alone for an hour. When he got back he was pleased to see Jeff’s position had pretty much drained the fight from him. His head drooped and he was trembling in pain, his muscles burned from the tension. He slumped forward as far as he could, preferring the bite of metal on his wrists over the pressure on his legs and switched it up by leaning against the cabinet next to him.

During the afternoon, people walked in and out of the office. Some weren’t surprised to find a man cuffed to the floor on his knees and pretty much ignored him, but others found it more difficult to leave him alone. He was laughed at, taunted, assaulted. At first he snarled and bit against the unwelcome touches, the deceptive gentleness as unknown thugs cupped his jaw or tilted his chin up, he fought against the inflicted pain as they pushed him to sit up straight, and he tried to ignore the humiliating jeers. But his defiance soon faltered. He couldn’t stop them, couldn’t fight and it only worsened his pain. Eric just looked on with a satisfied expression.

After a brief reprieve, two men entered, their gaze immediately fixed on Jeff and they whooped.

“This the copper that put you away, sir?”

“In a sense,” Eric said.

“Bet he regrets that now.” The two crouched in front of Jeff and were met with an icy glare. “Ohh, maybe not yet,” one of them said and pulled back a fist. Before he struck he cast a quick glance at Eric, who nodded.

The other tightened his fingers through Jeff’s hair and pulled him forward until Jeff cried out in pain. He felt a soft tingle of blood trickle down his wrists and his body screamed in protest as his already uncomfortable position was made worse now his torso was forced flat over his knees and his arms stretched against his handcuffs.

“You break it, you buy it,” came Eric’s voice, amused.

The hand released and with a gasp Jeff forced himself back up.

“It’s a nice stress toy you got, sir.”

“That’s what I thought.”

Jeff didn’t hear what they were discussing and barely noticed as the pair walked past him again to leave. He hissed softly, the pain almost unbearable. The worry of not being able to feel his legs had quickly turned to a wish that they were still numb as it now felt as if they were stabbed over and over. The bruises on his face forced his one eye half shut and he licked the blood off his dried lips. He wouldn’t ask. Not to be released. Not for water. _He wouldn’t!_

Another man walked in. His eyes lingered on Jeff and he gave a loud sigh. He didn’t seem surprised, but he did look annoyed.

“Another freaking cop.” His gaze turned accusing and he tilted his head just a notch as he looked at Eric.

Eric held up a finger. “In my defense, Shaun, would you believe it if I told you that this one actually followed me home?”

Jeff snarled.

“I wouldn’t,” Shaun deadpanned.

“He did, though.”

“Why here?”

“Well, I’m not meeting anyone today and I thought I might be lonely.”

Shaun stood in front of the desk and flipped through some of the papers lying forgotten in a messy pile. He fished one out and held it in front of Eric.

“You were supposed to fix this. Today.”

“I will. I’m just getting to it.”

“Before or after your playtime with _this?_ ” He gestured to Jeff.

Eric pursed his lips, his eyes gave an impish twinkle as he looked up at Shaun. “Before.”

“Then get to it.” Shaun smashed the paper back down in front of him and strode out, not even giving Jeff a final glance.

Jeff raised his eyebrows, his eyes following the man on his way out. “I’m starting to wonder if we identified the right guy who runs this place. It is your name on the building, right?”

Eric gave a lopsided smile but didn’t look up. “Not on this one,” he said.

“Shouldn’t you get on that thing before your boss chews you out again?”

“Perhaps I should put in a little overtime to make up for it, what do you think?”

Jeff just thought that he should learn to keep his mouth shut and refocused on finding the best position to hold out. It didn’t exist.

After god knows how long, he found himself looking up hopefully every time he heard Eric shift or saw him stretch, or when the leather chair creaked. _Please let the day be over soon._

And finally, _finally,_ Eric crouched down in front of him. Jeff didn’t respond or try for another head-butt. He didn’t have the energy and his body couldn’t handle it. Besides that he didn’t want to risk having to spend a second longer in this position than necessary. Eric put a hand on his shoulder and gently pressed him backwards. Jeff tensed up and gasped hard as his weight fell on his ankles again.

Eric let out an amused hum, but he moved closer and reached behind Jeff to uncuff him.

Straining against the handcuffs in anticipation, Jeff let himself fall forward on his hands and knees as soon as the metal fell away. The relief was immense and he couldn’t hold back a sob. He was still panting, couldn’t seem to catch his breath all afternoon, but now he felt himself relax. Slowly, very slowly he let himself fall down face first on the carpet and stretched out his legs. He rubbed his forehead over the soft fibres and tried to move his legs up.

"What do we say?" Eric said.

Jeff closed his eyes but with effort looked up to Eric standing over him.

"Don't make me ask again or I'll keep you here on your knees all night."

"Thank you," Jeff breathed.

The offered hand was very tempting this time, but he still refused and fought to stand up.


	30. The new guy

~5 years ago~

With a final punch, Eric beat down the man in front of him. He slumped against the wall, blood spilling over his lips, out cold.

“If anyone else wishes to take responsibility for last night’s massive fuck up, speak now and you’ll maybe hold on to your tongue,” Eric addressed the room, taking out a white cloth from his pocket. He wiped his knuckles and let his icy gaze glide over the attendees. Not one of them dared to meet his eye, their glances directed at each other or straight ahead, and they remained silent.

“No? Can we get back go it then?” He dropped the bloody cloth on the unconscious man at his feet and walked back around his desk, passing the group of men assembled for the meeting. Some didn’t seem to care about what just happened, others seemed more anxious. Maybe not for the man lying on the ground, but more for their own wellbeing. 

“Kyle, get that new medic in here. I’d like it if Collin could at least hear the conclusion of this meeting.”

The young man standing at attention by the door nodded quickly and hurried out of the room.

“Leister, those two guys who panicked last night were yours, right?” Eric continued and sat down. “I assume you will deal with them accordingly?”

“Already taken care of,” the man named Leister, one of the few in the room who didn’t seem bothered by the violence and Eric’s outburst, responded calmly. No one had second thoughts about what he meant.

“Good, then at least that’s sorted. Most of the seized items won’t lead back to us, but I don’t want to give the cops any reason to start sniffing around here. And with Mike gone now I need someone else who can handle the integration of our profits.”

While they were discussing their financial business, Kyle returned, a wearied looking man following. The men looked up at the sound of the door, but didn’t give the new medic a second glance as he knelt next to Collin to inspect his injuries.

As the meeting continued Eric’s eyes lingered over the man. He hadn’t met his new doctor yet, he didn’t meet most of his ‘employees’ and while he didn’t care much whether Collin would receive the right treatment, he was curious if the doctor knew what he was doing. He watched as the medic felt around for broken ribs and disinfected the injuries to his face. He didn’t ask what had happened. Good man.

“Mike would hide the transactions in mountains of paperwork. We could just continue his method,” one of the men spoke a little louder, trying to catch Eric’s attention.

“Maybe,” Eric said absentmindedly, blinking back to the conversation in front of him. Before he could continue he was interrupted.

"That will never work," a bored voice came from the back.

The conversation fell silent as they realized it was the medic who’d spoken up. The men threw anxious glances at Eric and concerned looks at the stranger, who was still hunched over the man knocked out on the floor, treating his wounds.

Eric gave an almost sheepish smile. "Who's this?"

"It's… He’s the medic you asked for. The new hire."

Eric stood. "Yes, yes. What I mean is," he said while walking over to the doctor, who still didn't look up. Eric stopped, looming over him. "Who does he think he is?"

 _This guy is so dead._ Seemed to be the collective conclusion of the room.

But the man didn't appear to feel rushed or panicked for speaking out of turn, even though Eric was practically breathing down his neck. He didn’t even look up, just finished up his work. The oppressing silence in the room didn't seem to unnerve him either. Without a word, he simply stuck a last plaster to his patient's face, put everything else back in his little first aid kit, and rose slowly making direct eye contact with Eric as he stood.

"Shaun Kester," he said by means of introduction, holding out his hand. “That’s who I am.”

The corner of Eric's mouth glided up simultaneous with his eyebrows. Amused, he took Shaun's hand and they shook.

“You have a habit of interrupting conversations, Shaun?” His tone of voice was casual, inquisitive, but the men in the room knew better.

“I think you interrupted your own meeting by pummeling down one of your attendees.”

Eric was silently amused. "How about I beat the living out of you as well? Right here and now."

Still maintaining direct eye contact, almost daring Eric, Shaun just shrugged.

Eric had to admit, he was mystified and wondered if the man actually had a death wish. He didn’t show any sign of fear or even a hint of worry. His eyes seemed dead and uncaring, though there was still a spark in them that Eric couldn’t place. It piqued his curiosity. It was certainly a breath of fresh air compared to all these yes men who just followed his every decision, too scared to get a word in. He wasn’t used to backtalk. Granted, most who dared were snuffed out.

"Maybe you could join us?" He gestured to the empty seat left by the man who was still unconscious on the floor. _Let’s see if he can back it up_.

The sudden change of tone did elicit a reaction from the doctor, but the confused scowl quickly disappeared, his face a blank again. "No, thank you. I have to get back.”

Eric raised an eyebrow. _What is it with this guy?_ Most of these smartasses only spoke up to try and earn a seat at the table. To play with the big boys. And that was only if they had the guts to pipe up in the first place. Now there actually was someone who got this far and he refused?

"You have any place to be? Besides, your patient may still be in need of assistance. Especially when he wakes up and opens his dumb mouth again."

Shaun looked back to the man and mulled things over. Then, without a word and just a long exhale, he walked to the empty seat but didn’t take it and remained standing behind the chair instead, his hands folded behind his back.

Instead of walking back to his desk, Eric walked to the opposite chair and stood behind it as well, leaning forward on the back. The man sitting there shifted nervously.

“I think you were about to explain some things to us.”

Shaun met his eye. He didn’t seem bothered by the fact that he had to talk his way out of this. If anything he seemed bored and irritated at having to explain the basics to a bunch of moguls.

“How come the IRS hasn’t been knocking the hinges out of your door yet?” He sighed, but relented. “Buried transactions might have worked years ago. These days there are special algorithms that pick up anything that’s even slightly off. Won’t work anymore.”

“Most suspicious transactions don’t get reported,” Leister’s deep voice cut in.

“True, but you don’t want to be in the 10 percent that do get reported.”

“We buy someone off, then.” Another man spoke, but Shaun shook his head.

“You’ll want to involve as few people as possible. With an outlier you risk blackmail or them getting caught, if there’s anything you don’t want it’s snitches.”

The men pondered at the words and seemed interested. While they had been knee-deep into drug trade for years, actually trying to get the profits through Eric’s company was new to them. Though it was mostly the man’s silent confidence that intrigued them. “What else?” they asked.

“Transfer it through as many organizations as you can. Hide the origin. Make use of privacy and protection laws, go international, set up a front. Plenty of options.”

“Those are all some pretty basic tips, though.” Eric tested the waters, see if the man’s confidence would hold by trying to downplay his words. Without missing a beat, Shaun’s bored eyes locked with his.

“Then why didn’t you think of it?”

Besides that obvious mic drop, you could hear a pin drop in the room. Eric however was visibly surprised and let out a laugh. “Touché,” he merely said, though his eyes narrowed.

"You'll have to tell me, you seem at ease around these subjects. I thought you’re a doctor?"

“I was a doctor.”

“Well, you’re still my doctor. I like your way of thinking but I don’t think I hired you for anything else except to fix up little… work related accidents.” He nodded at Collin.

A groan cut through Eric’s words. As if on cue, the man in the back started to wake up. Eric paid him no mind and continued talking, but Shaun responded to the pained sounds. He turned his back on Eric while he was still in the middle of his sentence, promptly ignoring him to take a look at his patient.

Confused, Collin squinted at this unknown man shushing him and trying to help him up. He glanced at Eric and refused the help, stumbling to his feet and returning to his seat as if nothing had happened.

“Good to see you back on your feet, Collin,” Eric said. “While you were out we may have found a new adviser to help us.”

Shaun was already on his way to the door and turned at the words. Some of the men carried an eager expression and seemed interested in working with him, or least in hearing more of what he had to say.

“No, thank you,” he just said again. “I’ll leave you to it. Excuse me.”


	31. Over and out

"Shit!" Curses rose from behind one of the black masks. Kelvin always had a thing for colorful language.

Nat was running along next to him, but when the gunfire started, Kelvin quickly pushed them aside into the opposite hallway. They fell to safety with a startled yelp.

Trapped on the other side of the firing line, Kelvin gestured for Nat to keep going. _We’ll hold them here and join you._

Nat fingered the gun in their hands, tightening their grip.

What if they ran into someone too? The gun suddenly felt more heavy in their hands. They didn’t like that the possibility of having to use it suddenly increased. Besides, if they ran into more trouble than they could handle, Kelvin and the others would have a double rescue mission on their hands. But they also knew they had to keep going. They’d already run into more interference than they had hoped and Eric must know by now that they were coming. Nat didn’t want him to get away like last time.

They guessed they had been lucky, being kept at Eric’s more public office where only a couple of guards were stationed. This place however seemed to be used for Eric’s shadier side of business and was crawling with armed thugs. And they all stood between them and getting to Jeff.

Kelvin gave them a thumbs up and they nodded. They turned and ran down the corridor. Their heart was pounding and they were panting hard, even though they merely kept up a light jog. At the first door they hesitated and stood still, trying to listen if anyone was in there. By the time they gathered their courage to snap it open, the door didn’t budge. _Locked_ , _damn it_! No sounds from behind, probably not where Jeff was locked up then. They let out a frustrated sigh. _Got worked up for nothing._ They continued on, making their way further down.

Most of the doors they tried were locked and the few that were open, luckily, led to empty rooms.

Nat turned into a wider corridor that led to a single room, closed off by double doors. They swallowed hard. _The boss room_. Ominous. Good chance someone was waiting for them there. High risk; they’d hoped that Jeff would be locked up somewhere alone, like they had, but they also realised their luck wasn’t on their side today. The only other option was to turn back and take the last set of stairs down, or go back to Kelvin and have the team bust all the doors open, but it would take too long. They had to try.

Their hand closed around the handle and while they fiercely hoped it was locked, the handle gave way. No turning back now. They threw the door open and raised their gun. A gasp slipped free as they took in the scene, their grip on the gun faltering slightly.

Eric sat on his desk facing the doors, waiting for them. Between his legs, Jeff knelt in front of him with his hands behind his back, pulled up high on his knees by his hair, a gun planted firmly against his temple.

“Nat.” Eric leered at them and Nat shuddered at how just the mention of their name still had so much impact on them. His low voice was predatory, possessive and it made their skin crawl.

“Nat.” The contrast as Jeff whispered their name couldn’t be larger. His concern, surprise and relief bled through the word. He looked at Nat in confusion.

“Well, I have to say this is a surprise,” Eric said. He shifted on the desk but Nat warned him by raising their gun at him. “Whoa, whoa, easy,” he laughed.

 _Worst case scenario, probably._ Nat forced themself to unclench their jaw. They glanced down to Jeff. Bruised, tired, but he looked still ready to fight. It broke their heart seeing him like this.

“Oh, how I hoped it would be you bursting through that door,” Eric almost purred and drove the barrel of the gun harder against Jeff’s temple.

“What if it hadn’t been me?” Nat growled, raising their gun as well.

“Would’ve simply shot him.” Eric shrugged.

While Nat had no trouble believing he would, they were also, both of them, very much aware that Jeff’s hostage situation put them at a stalemate. He wouldn’t just shoot him now. There was just one glaring difference. Eric would have no trouble pulling that trigger, while everything about Nat betrayed their hesitation, their moral high ground. Eric immediately took advantage.

“Put your gun down,” the words rolled casually off his lips, as if he asked them to take off their jacket and join them.

Nat’s gaze slid down to Jeff, who shook his head and just mouthed “Don’t. Shoot him.”

Gunshots sounded from outside, somewhere far away.

“Seems like your cavalry is still a little preoccupied,” Eric said. The barrel slid down Jeff’s face, still always aimed at a dangerous angle, and pushed up under his chin. Jeff followed up with a stiff gasp. “Put it down, Nat.”

They couldn’t risk it. Not yet. Not when they knew Kelvin would have their back. _Just have to have faith in him!_ Their finger moved away from the trigger. With an apologetic glance to Jeff, they stretched out their fingers over the grip of the gun and held it up in surrender. Their gaze didn’t move away from the gun in Eric’s hand as they lowered down and tossed their gun just out of reach.

“Stay like that. I like you on your knees. Come on, both knees. That’s it. Hands behind your head.”

Begrudgingly, Nat did as they were told. A familiar fear started creeping up on them but they pushed it at bay. They avoided Jeff’s eyes, who shifted a little in protest but was silenced by a harsh pull on his hair.

Jeff’s shoulders sagged in relief as the gun was removed from his face, but tensed again now that it was resting on his shoulder and instead aimed at Nat.

“You should’ve fired immediately after bursting in. Would’ve been your only chance of walking out of here together,” Eric said. “I guess what you told me was true. No good at field work.”

Glaring daggers at Eric, Nat grit their teeth and stayed silent.

“Don’t you have something to say to me, Nat? This is your chance to get it out. Do you want to share how much you hate me?”

“I don’t hate you,” Nat said.

“No? Not even for the things I did to him?” Eric grabbed Jeff’s chin and roughly turned his face, showing the fresh purple bruises on his cheekbone, tilting his head up to show the finger-shaped marks around his neck. He smirked as Nat’s eyes widened and their throat bobbed. “You still don’t hate me?”

He hummed and tapped the barrel of the gun in Jeff’s direction. “This one does. Interesting. One instilled with a deep fear, the other with a deep seething hate. You’re a nice combo.”

His expression changed. “I wonder if I can turn that fear into hate.”

He released his grip on Jeff’s jaw and slid his hand down to his throat, squeezing his fingers into the skin. Not enough force to cut off the air. Yet.

“Do you remember your dream, Nat?” He leered at them as he let his fingers spread out slowly, deliberately, taking his time and feeling the soft hitch in Jeff’s breath.

“No, don’t!” Nat shot forward but the gun in Eric’s other hand was still trained on them.

“No, you don’t remember? I don’t mind refreshing your memory.” He increased the strength in his fingers and Jeff made a strangled sound.

“No, stop! I remember. Just… don’t!” They watched as Jeff’s face slowly turned red until Eric released him. He gasped, leaning forward against Eric’s hand.

“Regale us, then.”

The flashback forced its way through Nat’s mind, effectively reminding them of Jeff’s final moments in their nightmare. Before fear could completely take over, Nat locked eyes with Jeff to steady themself. He was still here. Alive. Battered maybe and in danger, but the dream was no reality.

“I dreamed you came to rescue me and he…” their eyes quickly darted to Eric, “he strangled you.” The words were barely more than a whisper.

Jeff snarled and bucked in anger against the man holding him.

“Easy, tiger. I have no reservation making that dream come true.” Eric gave another squeeze in warning and sat forward, taking in Nat’s discomfort at remembering and seeing their nightmare come to life.

But when Eric leaned over Jeff, the man under him saw the moment he’d been waiting for. He found the leverage under his feet and sprang up, driving his head full into Eric’s chin. Both grunted in pain; Eric fell back barely holding himself up by planting his hand on his desk, Jeff fell back to his knees.

The gun slid out under Eric’s hand and as he reached for it, Nat did the same, making the most of the window of opportunity Jeff gave them. They scrambled forward, felt their hand close around the gun, aimed, and fired. A scream followed. The bullet hit him in the shoulder, the force made him tumble unceremoniously over the desk and they heard a _thud_ as he landed on the floor.

Nat scooted forward and gave their partner a quick embrace. They tugged at the handcuffs.

"The key! Where's the key?!"

"Leave it, let's go!" Jeff called but Nat had already scrambled to their feet.

Making extra sure, they swiped Eric's gun towards Jeff even though he couldn’t use it yet. If they were going to get out of here, two guns would be better and Jeff needed his hands free. Checking if it was safe, Nat peeked over the desk before they circled around it, holding their gun at the ready.

Eric lay on his back behind his desk, clutching at his shoulder. His cold eyes snapped up to Nat.

Nat didn't gloat or crack a smile. It felt strange, but they didn't like seeing Eric like this. Could they be feeling sorry for the man?! They quickly pushed the thought aside. _He didn’t deserve pity. Focus!_

They swallowed hard, but crouched next to him, their trembling hand patting over the man's pockets. They touched over a small lump and reached into his breast pocket, awfully close to the bullet hole that softly oozed blood into the crisp white shirt.

Their fingers found the small key and with a barely audible sigh they removed their hand again. Before they could pull back, a hand clamped over their wrist pulling them down. Nat yelped.

"Didn't think you'd have the guts for that, Nat," Eric hissed and pulled the detective in closer.

Nat, shocked, whimpered and felt their body betray them by locking up in fear. They saw Eric reach for their gun, but before his blood slicked fingers could close around it he fell back and howled in pain.

Jeff, now standing next to the pair, had stomped down hard on his shoulder, directly onto the bullet wound.

"Let go of them, you piece of shit!"

As soon as his grip faltered, Nat scrambled back. They lost balance and fell on their backside. Jeff knelt in front of them so they could unlock the cuffs, but also positioned himself as a barrier between Nat and Eric. His eyes were still furious and he kept a close watch on Eric, ready to beat him down again. Even if, for _fuck’s_ sake, his hands were still tied. The man groaned, a soft chuckle was mixed in his pain, but he made no more attempts to get up.

Nat trembled as they aimed the tiny key to unlock the handcuffs. The metal bit into Jeff’s wrists, way too tight and Nat gently removed them. As soon as they were off, Jeff hissed in relief and rubbed his wrists. The partners got up, but Jeff lingered for a moment.

Nat wrapped a hand around Jeff’s upper arm, pulling him back. “Let’s go,” they whispered, a final glance at Eric. Getting out was more important now. Jeff kept his eyes on Eric, but when he felt Nat’s gentle squeeze, his expression softened and he let himself be steered away. He stooped over to pick up the gun and took the lead, guiding Nat out of the room. Out of the horror.

Steering Nat through the hallways, with some soft whispered instructions from Nat as to where to go, they made their way up again. Slowly, making sure they wouldn’t run into anyone trying to get to their boss. They only found one group of armed men, but while Jeff was formulating a plan and checking out which one to shoot first, Nat’s whispered words pulled him back as they advised to go around the other way.

Both froze up when they heard muffled sounds ahead.

Jeff flicked a hand back, keeping Nat behind him, and took a quick peek around the corner. His heart lifted as he heard Kelvin’s voice who spotted him.

“Friendlies.” Kelvin walked up to them.

The team allowed Kelvin a quick break of ranks to embrace both, while they stayed alert and gave them the time to check what they needed.

“You hurt, Jeff? Hospital?”

“I think I’m f—“ but Nat’s glare made Jeff crumple and he pushed his guarded persona away. “Hospital,” he agreed. “Just in case.”

With a beaming smile Kelvin turned to Nat and gave them a high five. “You got him, Nat. Proud of you, kid. You okay?” Nat nodded and promised to tell him what happened later.

“I shot Eric,” they merely settled on for now. The look on Kelvin’s face was priceless and they wondered if, even in these circumstances, someone should look that pleased at hearing those words. Kelvin exchanged a quick glance with Jeff, whose expression was more subdued but still showed a smug satisfaction and even a little pride.

Kelvin left the clean-up to the team while he returned to the main focus of his mission, getting them both out. He guided them outside to a car. As soon as they were outside, Nat saw a second team swiftly enter, a silent yet deadly black cloud of huddled SWAT operators. 

Once they were safe in the backseat together, Jeff allowed himself to breathe and dropped his protective front. Both let out a relieved sigh and looked at each other. _They were out._ Jeff let himself fall sideways against Nat’s shoulder, but the minimal contact wasn’t enough. His need quickly took over and soon his hands clawed up in a tight, _tight_ embrace, pulling Nat against him. He took everything he could, taking in their scent, their warmth, holding their trembling form to take over all the fear and replace it with comfort.

Nat blinked in surprise. Jeff usually wasn’t a cuddler, but they let him and snuggled against his shoulder. “It’s okay. I got you,” they whispered, even though it was quite the other way around and Jeff just wouldn’t let go. When they felt their shirt dampen with his tears, they couldn’t hold back their own.

He shook hard against Nat, releasing all the tension and anger he had kept bottled up over these few days, crying tears of relief for both himself and mostly for Nat who had been so brave coming for him. He almost felt he didn’t deserve it. It had been his own fault landing in this mess. But Nat was here. Nat saved him. Nat almost got killed because of him. But they confronted Eric. Held their own even when they were both held at the mercy of that psycho. And they got them out.

“Thank you,” Jeff kept muttering. “I’m so proud of you.”

When he calmed down, he released his grip and just settled against Nat.

“Can I stay at your place tonight?”

“I think you’ve got a room booked in hospital.”

Jeff grimaced. “Ah. Right.” He didn’t feel like he needed it, but, well, better to get it over with.

Nat took his hand, the same gesture Jeff always did for them and they squeezed softly. “But I’ll stay with you. And if you can go home, you can stay with me.”

They felt him nod against their chest. Weakly. He was already drifting off.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” Nat whispered.

“I’m glad you’re here,” Jeff answered, and still huddled against his partner he closed his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter. Thanks so much for reading!


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